On Sleepless Roads
by roxierocks
Summary: Stuck in a maxumum security prison with no memory, Captain Jack Harkness awaits death for a crime he can't remember commiting. How can he deny his guilt when he's not sure he's innocent? And who's the Doctor? TenJack [repost]
1. Part 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who or the rest

Warnings: Slash. Don't like? Don't read.

a/ns: I started writing this in a fury after 'The Christmas Invasion" when they neglected to mention Jack at all (he was supposed to be _dead_, after all) and then, me being me, abandoned it for three months. I have, however, written a sizeable amount already and am waaaay into this story now.I'm pretty sure Jack/Ten would be the hottest thing ever, so here is my offering...  
spoilers:series one and TCI

_"On sleepless roads the sleepless go." -Hear You Me, Jimmy Eat World_

It wasn't until afterwards –after the regeneration, after they'd saved the Earth (and Christmas), after she'd had to say goodbye to her mum yet again- and they were on their way to God knows where that Rose had even time to start thinking about it.

She supposed she'd been avoiding it really, what happened on Satellite 5, because every time she even dwelled on it she got a heavy, sick feeling in the pit of the stomach.

But now, with the TARDIS hurtling through space and the Doctor locked in his bathroom examining his new body (he'd been there for over two hours), there was nothing left for her to do but face the reality.

Jack was dead.

It hurt. It hurt every bone in her body. Hurt so much she felt like she could crawl into bed and never have to wake up again.

Jack was dead. She'd lost him. She'd lost them both, or at least that was what it felt like.

She knew, logically, that the Doctor was still the Doctor, but it felt strange, different. Did this Doctor even remember Jack? Did he realise Jack was dead?

Oh God, Jack was dead.

It happened suddenly. One minute she was leaning against the kitchen counter, staring at Jack's Bart Simpson mug on the mug tree (she had shown him an episode once and he hadn't stopped talking about it for weeks afterwards) and the next she was sitting on the floor, hands clenched into tight fists as great, noisy sobs wracked her body. She buried her face in her hands, pulling her knees to her chest and cried, for Jack, for her Doctor, for her mother, for herself because suddenly she didn't want to be here in the middle of the universe. She wanted to be at home, in front of the telly with a cup of her mum's tea and listening to Jackie yack on the phone while she tried to watch Eastenders.

She didn't realise he was even in the room with her until she felt his arms encircle her, pulling her against him, and she pressed her face into the unfamiliar material of his coat and cried.

"Shh," he whispered, and all she could think was that he didn't smell right, and that she wanted Jack more than she had wanted anything in her life.

"He's gone," she sobbed. "He's _dead_."

"I know," he replied softly, stroking her hair, and Rose was so glad he didn't ask her who she was talking about. She didn't think she could handle that.

She pulled away, wiping the back of her hand across her eyes and taking deep shuddering breaths.

"Sorry," she managed. "I just haven't really had time to think about it and then I was looking at his mug and I-"

She broke off, bursting into a wave of fresh tears, and didn't resist as the Doctor reached for her again.

He waited until she was all cried out, then gently pulled her to her feet. He was so much

shorter than he was before, she realised, as he led her along the corridor that went from the kitchen. He used to tower over her, but now he wasn't that much taller than she was. His arm around her was slimmer, his hand smaller. She bit her lip and tried not to cry again.

"Let's get you to bed," he said. "I'll make you a cuppa and bring it in."

He was trying, she could tell, but there was a slight note of strain in his voice. They didn't know each other anymore. He didn't know how to help her.

"It's okay," she said, pulling away from him. "I just need to sleep a little bit."

He nodded, and she saw the uncertainty in his eyes.

"I'll just…leave you to it then."

She forced a smile.

"Thanks."

He hesitated a moment more, then nodded again and turned back down the corridor.

She watched him, his strange tweed coat fitted around the slim, unfamiliar form, and felt such longing rise up in her chest that she had to look away, closing the door to her bedroom and leaning against it, squeezing her eyes shut.

Maybe she should have stayed. Maybe she was wrong to think that it could be okay. Not the same, she knew it couldn't be the same, but she thought she could have gotten used to the different. She thought it could have been okay. But perhaps it would have been better to stay.

Perhaps it would have been better to let Jack's memory fade. To let the new Doctor get on with his own life. She should have stayed.

She wished she had stayed.

* * *

At night, the noises were the worst. 

The screams and cries echoed down the glass corridors, when all the lights had gone out, the sound bouncing endlessly from wall to wall, making any semblance of either sleep or work impossible.

In a square glass office, sitting in a glass chair at a glass desk, a young man lay down his pen with a sigh. It was no good. He couldn't possibly concentrate on his reports with all this _screaming_.

He rubbed a tired hand over his eyes and wondered if he could possibly catch a bit of sleep in one of the off duty rooms. Maybe with some industrial strength earplugs.

There was a sharp rap on his office door, and he could see Magson through the glass. He pressed a small, silver button on his desk, and her voice filtered through.

"Dr Cartwright."

"Yes, what is it?"

"It's prisoner 20599 sir."

Cartwright sighed

"At it again, is he?"

"Yes sir."

He nodded.

"I'll be right there. Thank you Magson."

She nodded, and he watched her move swiftly down the hallway.

Perfect. Exactly what he needed tonight. More trouble from prisoner 20599.

He stood wearily and went to the door, pressing his hand against the security pad on the wall. It slid open with a hiss and he stepped out into the corridor, the door closing and locking behind him. His footsteps were sharp and precise on the glass floor as he moved swiftly down the maze of corridors, ignoring the screaming inmates in various cells.

Magson turned as he approached cell 319, and beyond her he could see frantic movements.

"We can't calm him down, sir."

He nodded.

"That's alright, Magson. I'll take it from here."

She stepped aside, revealing prisoner 20599 through the glass wall, both hands held out in front of him, clutching empty air, his eyes wide and unseeing, shouts only slightly muffled by the glass.

"Stay away!" he screamed. "Stay away!"  
Cartwright pressed his hand against the access panel, and the door slid open. The prisoner turned to him sharply, his hands tightening, as if he held a weapon.

"Don't come any closer!"

Cartwright stepped into the room.

"Come on," he said, voice calm. "You're dreaming again. There's nothing there. I'm not going to hurt you."  
The prisoner shook his head, movements wild and exaggerated.

"No! Stay away. I'll shoot!"

"You don't have a weapon," Cartwright said patiently, stepping closer. "You can't shoot me. Calm down."

"No!" the prisoner cried. "No! NO!"

Cartwright closed the distance between them, and clasped his hands around the prisoner's wrists, holding them firmly.

"Wake up now," he said, shaking him gently. "Wake up."

The prisoner wavered slightly, then went suddenly limp in his grip.

"There now." Cartwright carefully lowered the prisoner onto the floor, where he curled into a foetal position, shaking.

"You're okay. Come on."

Cartwright waited patiently for the prisoner to stop shaking and sit up, his blue eyes cloudy and red rimmed.

"Where am I?" he rasped.

"In the Foraline Institution for Dangerous Criminals," Cartwright replied.

The prisoner stared at him for a few moments, the information sinking in.

"Institution for dangerous criminals?" he repeated. "Why?"

"Because you murdered over a hundred people," Cartwright replied bluntly, regretting it when he saw the other man's eyes widen in shock.

"What?"

The prisoner looked wildly around him, and Cartwright felt a pang of pity for the man. They had gone through this routine every night for the past two weeks.

"I didn't murder anybody. You've got it wrong!"

"I'm afraid not. You were found at the scene of the crime."

"No!" The prisoner shook his head desperately. "I didn't, I _wouldn't_!"

Cartwright ignored his objections, and asked "Do you know your name?"  
The prisoner glared at him.

"Of course I know my name. It's-"

He stopped suddenly, his whole face paling.

"I don't know my name," he whispered.

"You have a form of temporary amnesia," Cartwright explained. "We expect your memory to return in the near future."

The prisoner stared at him.

"I don't know who I am. I've been locked away for a crime I can't even _remember_!"

Cartwright observed him coolly.

"You were found on the Gamestation with over one hundred dead bodies, the only survivor. If you weren't the one who killed them, then who did, and why did they leave you alive?"

"This is bullshit!" the prisoner yelled, jumping violently up from the floor. "You can't lock me away on circumstance. I didn't do anything!"

"How do you know?" Cartwright asked. "If you can't remember?"

The prisoner went very still for a moment, then made a futile leap for the door, banging his fists on the glass.

"Let me out!" he screamed. "Let me OUT!"

Cartwright pressed the button on his wrist communicator.

"Magson, I believe it is time for prisoner 20599's sedation."

There were footsteps outside, then the prisoner fell backwards as several guards forced him away from the door, holding him still as Magson came in with a hypodermic needle. She sank it cleanly into his neck, despite his struggles, and the prisoner's shouts died very suddenly, his body going slack in the guards' hold.

"Thank you, Magson," Cartwright said, stepping carefully over the still form. "I think I'll go and have a quick rest in one of the off duty rooms. Call me if you need anything."

Magson nodded smartly, and Cartwright walked quickly off the down the corridor, stopping outside an off duty room and pressing the access panel.

The off duty rooms were the only ones in the entire facility that were not transparent, instead the glass here was smoky and dark. They weren't soundproof, however, and as Cartwright lay back on the bed, he tried to block out the sounds of the nightmares that went on all around him.

He pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes, blacking out his sight as he tried not to think about prisoner 20599, nameless, no identification, no records, no family. Cartwright knew he was already taking more interest than he should. His staff were beginning to talk.

He sighed and turned over on the bed. He had only been a chief doctor at Foreline for six months, and he knew when he arrived it had not been without discrepancies. Most thought he was too young to be working at the prison hospital, they doubted his ability and experience. Never mind that he had trained at the exclusive Doulton Hospital and then spent the better part of a year as a field doctor in the African regions (who were constantly at war with each other).

He had, of course, been utterly charming and a fantastic doctor, gaining people's trust and confidence in no time at all, but he knew they were always watching him, just waiting for him to slip up.

And he wouldn't have, not before prisoner 20599.

Cartwright was a fool. The man was dangerous. He had killed over a hundred people and no one was quite sure how. He was most likely insane

But to Cartwright he was an enigma.

Strong, handsome, well built yet completely vulnerable. He had no idea who he was. And Cartwright longed to know what kind of a person prisoner 20599 had been. He longed to see those eyes flash with something other than fear. Most of all he longed to know if the man was capable of killing, if he was guilty. Because Cartwright wasn't so sure.

"You're a fool," he muttered softly to himself.

He may have been a fool, but Dominic Cartwright was also becoming infatuated. And with a man who didn't even know his own name.

* * *

When Rose woke, she still felt tired and sore, but a little brighter, as if the rest had done her some good. 

She pulled on an overlarge sweater and tucked her hands into the sleeves, then made her way to the control room, where she found the Doctor, half hidden underneath the TARDIS console.

"So come on then," she said. "Where are you taking me?"

The Doctor poked his head up from under the console, and she couldn't quite suppress the flash of shock at seeing the still unfamiliar face.

He grinned at her.

"A little planet called Metropolis."

Rose raised a disbelieving eyebrow.

"Is that even a real place?"

His grin grew even wider.

"Oh yes. And believe me, you'll love it."

He stood up, wiping his hands on the back of his trousers, and swung a lazy arm round her shoulders.

"They have floors and floors of shops, Rose. Metropolis is just like one gigantic shopping mall."

She looked sideways at him.

"But you hate shopping."

"Ahh, but you love it. Don't think I've forgotten that time you took me shopping in Cardiff. I'll never forget the look on Jack's face when you introduced him to Topshop, he…"

His voice trailed off suddenly, as if he'd only just remembered who he was talking about.

Rose bit her lip.

"Do you think he's still there?" she asked quietly.

"On Satellite 5?"

She nodded.

The Doctor sighed, and his arm suddenly felt very heavy on her shoulders.

"No," he said sadly. "The bodies will have been moved, buried." He squeezed her shoulder. "He probably had a very nice funeral."

Rose turned her face into his neck for a long moment.

"So," she said, pulling away. "Just how many floors of shops has this place got?"

The Doctor grinned again, and they both pretended not to notice that it looked a bit more strained this time.

* * *

When Cartwright woke prisoner 20599 from his nightmare the next night, he could tell immediately that something was different. 

"Where am I?" the prisoner demanded. "Who the hell are you?"

"My name is Dominic Cartwright. I'm your doctor."

The prisoner narrowed his blue eyes.

"That doesn't exactly answer my question, pal."  
Cartwright frowned as he studied the man. His eyes were clearer, more alert.

"What's your name?"

"Captain Jack Harkness," the prisoner snapped. "And you still haven't told me where I am."

_Jack Harkness._ Cartwright's face was stoic, but his heart was racing. They were finally getting somewhere.

"What happened on the Gamestation, Jack?"

Jack Harkness glared at him.

"That's Captain to you. I have no idea what you're talking about. I've never been to any gamestation."

Cartwright sighed, disappointment washing over him.

"Mr Harkness," he began.

"_Captain_ Harkness," Jack Harkness corrected sharply.

Cartwright inclined his head slightly.

"Captain Harkness," he repeated. "You are suffering from some temporary amnesia. I'm afraid until this point you haven't been able to remember anything about yourself, or your life before you came here."

Jack Harkness frowned, and Cartwright could almost see him trying to search his memory, trying to find a scrap of anything.

"So am I in some kind of hospital or something?"

Cartwright exhaled, wondering what the best approach was. Previously the prisoner had become forceful, even violent when told the truth of his situation. But now his memory was coming back. Very soon he might even remember what happened. And if he _hadn't_ killed those people…

"Jack," he began carefully. "You're not in a hospital."

Jack Harkness sighed impatiently.

"Well where am I then?"

"You're in a prison.

Jack Harkness stared at him.

"I'm…where?"

"You're in the Foraline Institution for Dangerous Criminals," Cartwright explained for what felt like the thousandth time. "I'm afraid you were found in a rather compromising position at the scene of a rather brutal crime."

"And you think that I did it?" Jack Harkness was shaking his head, disbelieving. "This is ridiculous. You can't be serious. I haven't killed anybody!"

Cartwright reached carefully for him.

"Jack please, you have to calm down."

Jack Harkness glared at him, his blue eyes cold and clear.

"I did not kill anybody. Did the Doctor put you up to this?"

Cartwright's ears pricked up immediately, and he leant forward eagerly.

"The Doctor?" he repeated. "Jack, who is the Doctor?"

Jack stared at him, and Cartwright could see his mind working, struggling to connect the words with some kind of recognition.

"I…I don't know," he sighed in defeat. "I can't remember."

Cartwright let out the breath he'd been holding.

_Be patient_, he reminded himself sternly. Memory loss could take weeks, months, sometimes years to recover.

"Alright."

He straightened from his half crouch on the floor.

"I'll leave you alone for now."

He went to the glass door and placed his hand on the access panel, then stepped through. Looking back into the cell, he could still see Jack Harkness, face twisted in concentration, trying desperately to remember something.

Cartwright sighed, feeling older than his twenty eight years, and made his way quickly towards his office.

He wasn't sure what it was about this man that touched him, that seemed to reach down inside him and brush away all the mental barriers he'd built to distance himself from his patients, from his _prisoners_. He just knew that when he looked at this man, Captain Jack Harkness, he felt somehow different, somehow changed.

Reaching his office, Cartwright accessed the security devices, then sat at his desk, calling up the hologram for his secretary.

"Lexa, could you please get me Detective Haygan on the holopad?"

Lexa, who was even younger than he was, nodded her blonde head and smiled.

"Right away, Dr Cartwright."

Cartwright leant back in his chair and waited a few moments, before Detective Haygan's holographic form appeared, blue and grainy.

"Ah, Dominic. Finally some progress with the Gamestation case, have we?"

Cartwright forced a smile.

"The suspect has remembered his name, but nothing else."

Haygan clicked his tongue impatiently.

"Well let's have it then."

"Captain Jack Harkness."

Haygan narrowed his eyes.

"Captain, eh? Captain of what exactly?"

"I don't know," Cartwright replied. "He couldn't remember. All he knew was his name. I suspect, though that his memory is beginning to return. I shan't know until I've done more tests."

Haygan nodded approvingly.

"Good, good. The quicker his memory returns, the quicker we can get a full confession to those horrific murders."

Cartwright narrowed his eyes.

"With all due respect, Detective, my duty is to my patient. I'm interested in helping him make a full recovery, not the state of his guilt."

It was Haygan who narrowed his eyes this time, leaning forward in his hologram to glare at Cartwright.

"Don't forget who you're dealing with, Dominic. Thieves, murderers, criminals. The kind who would sooner slaughter you in your bed than look at you. Now the pressure's been put on us to find whoever was responsible for the massacre on Gamestation and make them pay. Memory or not, your boy fits the bill. Now we just need you to fix him up so everything looks kosher. He's going down for this crime, Dominic. You just concern yourself with getting a confession out of him, you understand?"

Cartwright nodded curtly, trying to suppress the desire to damage Haygan's face, holographic or not.

Haygan smiled.

"Good. I'll expect a call sooner, rather than later then."

Cartwright didn't get a chance to reply before the connection was cut.

Oh, he'd help recover Jack Harkness's memory alright. But not to prove his guilt.

He was going to show the world Jack Harkness was innocent and get to the truth of what happened on the Gamestation if it was the last thing he did.

He just hoped Jack Harkness wasn't going to end up disappointing him.

tbc.


	2. Part 2

a/ns: sorry for crappyness of this chapter, it may seem a little slow going, but stuff will be happening soon, i promise! thanks for the reviews.

_"On sleepless roads the sleepless go." -Hear You Me, Jimmy Eat World_

Rose stepped out of the TARDIS, staring in amazement at her surroundings.

Metropolis looked exactly as its name would suggest; it was just like one giant city. There were spaceships zipping past her in neat lanes and various aliens on walkways, high, high above; Rose could see their shapes, moving. Huge buildings like sky scrapers stretched right up into the clouds, so high Rose couldn't see where they ended. The clouds were lower than any planet she'd ever seen, sitting thick and heavy barely fifty metres above them. For a moment she wondered how they had any light, with such thick cloud, then she saw the huge lamps, attached to long thin posts. They were bright, brighter than some suns, and cast everything in a luminous glow.

Everywhere was busy, and it seemed to Rose like the planet might never sleep. It reminded her strongly of one of the Star Wars films, she had no idea which though. Mickey had once tried to make her watch them all and she'd fallen asleep half way through.

"Wow," she gasped. "This is…amazing."

The Doctor grinned, stepping out of the TARDIS behind her.

"I thought you might like it."

He pointed over her shoulder, towards a huge round building, that seemed to be actually built like a giant spiral. It reminded of Rose of the circular levels that went up to a multi storey car park, only this was way nicer than any car park Rose had been to. It was made of thousands of what looked like tiny mirrors, all of which glittered and sparkled in the bright lights.

"That is the biggest shopping centre this side of the Tronoen Galaxy. Most likely the other side too."

Rose gaped.

"You mean that, all of that, is a shopping centre?"

"Yup." He winked at her. "Told you you'd like it."

She spent the morning dragging the Doctor from shop to shop, marvelling at styles and fashion from across the universe (she was very taken with a particular shop from the planet Demisos, which specialised in fabrics that changed colour to match your mood) and it wasn't until well past lunchtime that the Doctor begged her to stop and have some lunch.

"I'm starving!"

Rose felt vaguely put out.

"But we've barely even looked at a tenth of it yet."

"Well maybe if you didn't insist on trying everything on twice…" he muttered.

She glared at him.

"I only did that once. And you weren't being very helpful, you know, going on about some one or other you met three hundred years ago who looked just as good in that dress, if not better."

The Doctor sighed.

"That is not what I said. I merely mentioned that I happened to know someone who had the same dress, and that she looked nice in it. I never said she looked better!"

Rose rolled her eyes and grabbed his hand without thinking, pulling him toward a nearby restaurant.

"Well, come on then. I thought you said you were hungry."

"I _am_ hungry…"

It was only when she realised that she was holding his hand, she realised how strange it felt. Which was stupid, because she'd held the Doctor's hand a million times before.

But then, before, it had felt almost like it was something forbidden. She'd felt a thrill, a frisson of excitement every time she'd touched him, almost like there was some kind of electricity between them.

Now she felt nothing. She could have been holding the hand of the fat, bald man who owned the shop around the corner back home. There was no electricity.

"What kind of food do they have here?" she asked, trying to distract herself from the sudden feeling of loss.

"Anything you like," the Doctor replied brightly.

"Chips?" Rose barely dared to hope.

He laughed.

"Fat cut, thin cut, curled, crinkled, seasoned. Even those wedgy things you liked so much."

Rose giggled, partly from delight and partly from his misuse of the world wedgy.

They took a table at the café/restaurant type thing and the Doctor ordered them both drinks and three different types of chips.

Rose was less impressed when the drinks actually arrived, and they turned out to be electric bright blue.

"What is this?" she asked, eyeing her drink doubtfully.

"This happens to be a specialty of a little planet just off the main Holarey System."

Rose rolled her eyes.

"That tells me absolutely nothing."

The Doctor took a sip of his drink.

"Go on," he said, gesturing to her glass. "I dare you."

Rose shot him a glare for good measure, then raised her drink to her lips.

It was like a sweet, tangy fruit was bursting across her tongue. It was amazing. It made her feel suddenly filled with energy, as if she hadn't just spent the entire morning walking around the galaxy's biggest shopping mall, or woken in the hours of the early morning haunted by yet another dream of Daleks chasing her down a hallway with no doors and no end.

She felt like she could never feel sad or tired again. Her grief over Jack, a constant weight in her chest, seemed to be pushed to the back of her mind. She felt suddenly beautiful, amazing.

"I like this stuff," she murmured, and the Doctor laughed.

"I thought you might."

Rose couldn't even feel guilty about eating far too many chips when they arrived, because the magic juice had made her feel so good that getting fat seemed like a distant possibility, and a rather unreasonable one at that.

After lunch they did even more shopping, and then the Doctor took her out to dinner in a restaurant that revolved thirty feet up in the air, with all glass walls and floor.

When he insisted they stay in a hotel, as opposed to just spending the night in the Tardis, Rose knew something was up.

"Why are you being so nice to me?" she asked sleepily, as he led her into the elevator for the seven hundredth floor. The magic energy juice was just beginning to wear off, and she suddenly realised how tired she actually was.

"I'm always nice to you," the Doctor replied.

"Not like this," she murmured, leaning heavily into his side. "The dinner, the hotel. Are you trying to sweeten me up or something?"

He laughed softly, and she felt his hand rest briefly on her hair.

"Oh, I don't think any amount of shopping or hotels could possibly ever sweeten you up enough."

"Haha," she punched him lightly, but doubted he even felt it.

"I don't think I've made the wrong decision," she said. "I'm exactly where I want to be."

His moment of answering silence told her she'd hit the nail on the head.

"I know," he said after a few beats. "But I know losing Jack has been hard for you…"

His voice trailed off and she squeezed her eyes tightly shut, pressing her face against his jacket shoulder, not moving until the lift pinged to indicate they'd arrived at the right floor.

"Thanks," she said, as they stepped out into the hallway. "For bringing me here. I'm glad you did."

For a moment there was a genuine smile on the Doctor's face, then it slipped effortlessly into a cheeky grin.

"I'm not so sure I am," he said, trying to lift his arms, heavily laden with Rose's shopping bags.

This time when she hit him, she made sure he felt it.

* * *

The man called Captain Jack Harkness couldn't sleep.

He lay on the floor of his glass prison, staring blankly at the glass ceiling, wondering why he couldn't see the prisoner above him if it was all made of glass.

He didn't want to sleep, because apparently something strange happened to him when he slept and he ended up being sedated a lot.

Plus, he was afraid if he went to sleep, when he woke up he wouldn't be able to remember who he was again.

Not that he really knew now. He only knew his name, or at least what he thought was his name, but that was better than nothing. He was pretty sure it was his name, because when that cute doctor with the concerned eyes (he was slightly worried that he'd noticed this before he noticed he'd lost his memory) had asked him, he'd replied instantly. And it felt right, it felt like his name, who he was.

But beyond that, he had nothing.

Every time he tried to remember, it was like someone had thrown a blanket over his mind. It was like a little black cloud covering everything. He knew it was there, he just couldn't get to it.

_I love you. Hold on to that._

Who spoke those words? Those words he heard in the few moments before waking, every time?

And who was the Doctor?

Why had he asked about the Doctor? He had a doctor, a doctor with cute brown eyes. Why would he need another doctor?

Jack closed his eyes, and then wished he hadn't, because he really was tired and now he was trying to fight it.

Why was he here?

They said he'd killed people, lots of people. But he didn't _feel_ like he could have killed people, especially not lots of people.

What if he had?

What if he had killed those people?

If that was the truth, did he even _want_ his memory back?

* * *

Rose woke up with a gasp, and for a moment lay very still, trying to reassure herself that the creatures in her nightmares were not still chasing her.

She had been having them, the nightmares, ever since Satellite 5, a lot of which she still couldn't remember properly and probably never would.

Sometimes, in the dreams she'd had since, she heard that beautiful singing she remembered, and there was lots of gold light, and a feeling of such awesome power she woke up crying.

Then there were the other dreams, the ones in which the Daleks were chasing her and she couldn't get away, not matter how far or fast she ran, they were always right behind her.

She sighed now, rolling onto her side and curling her legs up against her body, clutching the quilt a little tighter.

She wanted to go home, but she knew if she went back now she wouldn't leave again, and that wasn't what she wanted, not really.

Perhaps if she could convince the Doctor to take her to Earth at a different time, just so she could be somewhere familiar, maybe to London.

She didn't go back to sleep, and at first light crept through the connecting door into the Doctor's room, not at all surprised to see him sitting in an armchair by the window, watching the huge lights slowly brighten, almost giving the impression of a sunrise.

"Hey," she said softly.

"Morning," he replied, but didn't turn to face her.

Rose chewed her lip, and wondered if he wanted to left alone.

"I was thinking," she started uncertainly. "Perhaps you could take me to London. Not my London," she added hurriedly, "but maybe a London in the future. Just, you know, so I could, um, see what it's like."

The Doctor turned his head slowly to face her, and even in the dim morning light she could see that he looked tired.

"Alright, if that's what you want." He waited a beat, then, "I could take you back, if you wanted. Back home."

Rose smiled, and loved him for being selfless.

"I want to stay. With you. I just…I just need something I know right now. Something I can hold on to."

The Doctor smiled as well, and Rose thought he looked suddenly more alive, less exhausted.

"Well then. We'd better get packing."

Rose grinned.

"I'll get dressed."

It was an hour later that she emerged from her room, freshly showered wearing one of her new outfits, and the Doctor was looking impatient in the armchair.

"You been sitting there all that time?"

He rolled his eyes.

"Well, if I knew you were going to take hours I would've gone for a walk."

Rose pretended to ignore him.

"Come on. You can carry my bags."

She led the way back to the TARDIS, and the Doctor unceremoniously dropped her bags on the floor.

He looked thoughtful.

"Let's go to the year 200,100."

Rose raised an eyebrow.

"That's very specific. Why? What's in the year 200,100?"

The Doctor shrugged.

"Nothing much. Just wanted to see how the planet's getting on. You know, after all the kafafel."

Rose laughed, though she couldn't help but feel there was something going on.

"Kafafel?"

"Yeah, you know, like falafel, only k."

"Doctor, falafel is a food."

"Really? I never would have guessed."

She sighed.

"I'm going to put my shopping away. Call me when we reach 200,100."

"Will do."

He was already spinning the complicated dials and pressing a million buttons Rose didn't know the function of. She shook her head. Boy and their toys.

She deposited her bags on her bed, then went quickly back to the control room. The floor had stopped shaking, which she took to mean that they were there.

"London. The year 200,100."

The Doctor was standing holding the door open for her.

She stepped cautiously out.

It was silent.

That was the first thing she noticed. Compared to the constant buzz of Metropolis, London seemed deathly silent.

Rose stared.

"Where are all the people?" she asked. "Where are all the cars, the space ships, the aeroplanes? Where are the shops and cafés? Where's…anything?"

The Doctor frowned beside her.

"This isn't supposed to happen. Something's not right."

"You think?"

She had wanted familiarity. Not more confusion and mysteries and fights.

"Well, no good standing here. Let's go and take a look around."

Rose followed him as he began to walk down the deserted street. She looked up at the tall buildings either side. They were empty, the windows dark and blank. The wide street curved around to the left ahead of them, and with a sudden rush of recognition, Rose realised she knew where they were.

"Oh my God," she murmured. "This is Regent Street. That's Piccadilly Circus, down there. What the hell happened here? Why is it so deserted?"

"I don't know," the Doctor said grimly. "After the Daleks bombed the human race was supposed to get together and rebuild everything. Not desert the planet. Come on, let's find out."

His stride quickened, and Rose found herself running slightly to keep up. Why was it that this Doctor had shorter legs than the other one but he could walk faster?

"Doctor, wait up, what's the-"

She stopped suddenly.

"Hold on. 200,100. I know that year. Oh my God, you've brought us back. Last time we were in this year we nearly died! You changed! Jack did die! What the hell do you think you're playing at?"

The Doctor stopped, and turned slowly to face her.

"You remember the first time we came to Satellite 5? I didn't stay, to help clear up the mess. I just jumped in my ship and went on my merry way, not a second thought. And look what happened. The Daleks invaded. Jack died. Because I couldn't wait around five minutes to help. I'm not going to let that happen again. I at least owe Jack that."

He half turned from her.

"Besides, I could feel that something still wasn't right. And now we have to find out what it is."

Rose bit her lip.

"I guess finding some people would probably be the best way to start," she ventured.

He shot her a grin.

"You're right. People. Good plan."

He began marching down Regent Street again, and Rose hurried to follow.

It was so different. The buildings were shiny or made of glass, and she had no idea what any of them were for. There had been shops here before, in her time. She was sure Lush was around here somewhere, and wasn't that meant to be a Starbucks?

"This is so weird," she muttered.

They rounded the large corner where Rose was used to seeing all the bus stops, and hurried past what was once a Virgin Megastore onto Piccadilly Circus, where Rose stopped, suddenly, in shock.

Where there used to be a roundabout and road and traffic there was now a river. A river that was a strange yellow colour and seemed to be hissing.

The Doctor sniffed the air, wrinkling his nose in disgust.

"Jupiterian acid," he said. "Which makes no sense. Who would want to put a river of Jupiterian acid right through the middle of London?"

They made their way cautiously along the edge of the acid river, which seemed to be flowing through a rather hastily dug passage. The edges were all jagged.

"Who do you think did it?" she asked.

"No idea," he replied. "But I think we need to-" He stopped suddenly. "Do you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

"Voices. And they don't sound very pleasant."

Rose strained her ears, and she too could hear the voices. Gruff voices.

"Quick," the Doctor indicated the abandoned entrance to the old tube station. "Down here."

Rose eyed it doubtfully.

"Are you sure we shou-"

He yanked her down the stairs after him, cutting off her protests.

"Shh."

The voices were above them now, and Rose could make out what they were saying.

"Did you hear their screams? Lovely. We keep disposing of the rebels like that, and this place'll be clean in no time."

"Don't be too hasty," said another voice. "We want to have a little fun first."

Rose felt the Doctor pull on her hand, drawing her deeper down the old tunnel. The end had been blocked off with a metal gate, but someone had sawed off a few of the poles, leaving a gap big enough for a person to squeeze through. The Doctor gestured her first, and she gladly went, wanting to be as far away from those voices as possible.

Beyond the gate, Rose had to stop again to try and take in her surroundings.

The station looked different than it had in her own time, more modern, with flashy barriers that had a hand print on them instead of ticket slots. The maps, posters and security warnings were all gone, as were the ticket machines and information stands. Plasma screens were in their place, and Rose wondered what they were for, how they worked.

However, despite being so different, the place had such a strong air of neglect to it, it made Rose want to choke. It was clear no one had been down here for a long, long time.

"What happened to the transport system?" she asked, her voice barely a whisper.

"They invented new ways, faster, more convenient."

"And they just left all this?"

The Doctor nodded.

"Looks like it, come on."

He led her further in, ducking under a broken barrier, and she followed him to what should have the escalators, but was now lots of little platforms, just big enough for one person to stand on. They seemed to be standing in midair, ummoving.

"Hover pads," the Doctor. "Broken now. We'll have to find some other way down."

He looked at them thoughtfully. "Unless…"

He stretched a leg out, carefully testing on of the platforms with his weight.

He grinned.

"Excellent. We can just use them as ordinary stairs."

He began bounding down them, and Rose followed a bit more cautiously, terrified that they would collapse under any sort of weight.

They reached the bottom, and the tunnel split into three different directions. There were signs, but in a language Rose couldn't understand.

"Why can't I read it?" she asked. "Why isn't it in English?"

The Doctor frowned.

"It should be," he said. "Even with the amount of aliens now living on your planet, there should still be English."

He ran his fingers over the words on one of the signs. His hand came away with a grey layer of dust attached to it.

"This one says to the Microdome."

"The Microdome?" Rose repeated. "What's that?"

"No idea. Maybe it's like the Millennium Dome. Just as big and just as useless."

He shot her a wicked grin, but she refused to rise to the bait. She strode past him peering down the dark tunnel. Whatever kind of lights they'd had here, they were long gone now.

"Which way then?"

The Doctor closed his eyes.

"Eeny meeny miny moe."

He stopped, pointing at the tunnel opposite them.

"Ta dem."

Rose gave him a 'look'.

"You're trusting the future of our lives to eeny meeny miny moe?"

"Well, if you've got a better idea, I'd love to hear it."

Rose held up both of her hands.

"Go on then, lead the way."

The Doctor began to move down the dark tunnel, and she followed close behind.

"Doesn't that screwdriver of yours have a torch on it or something?"

"It's a _sonic _screwdriver Rose, not a survival screwdriver."

Rose rolled her eyes and wished the new Doctor wasn't quite so sarcastic.

She walked rather heavily into his back when he stopped suddenly.

"Doctor!" she snapped. "What are you play-"

"Shh," he hissed. He reached back a hand to still her.

"What is it?" she whispered.

"_Shh_," he repeated.

She held her breath, and then she could hear it to; a slight scratching sound coming down the tunnel.

"Maybe we should get out of here," she breathed against his ear.

She felt him nod, stepping back into her, and she took the hint, taking a few steps back down the tunnel.

Stepping right back onto the point of a blaster, held firm against her neck.

She froze, not daring to move, and the Doctor stilled too, sensing something was wrong.

"Rose?" he whispered.

A light flared suddenly in front of Rose's eyes, and she could see the Doctor staring back at her in the tunnel, feel the blaster pressed against her neck, the iron like grip holding her secure.

"Make one move and I blow her head off."

* * *

tbc 


	3. Part 3

disclaimer: its not mine

warnings: slash. don't like it, don't read it.

a/ns: Thanks everyone for your reviews on last chapter. A bit more Jack in this one to keep you all staisfied...thanks to sunshinesuperman for the beta!

_"On sleepless roads the sleepless go." -Jimmy Eat World_

They had found Jack Harkness wondering floor five hundred of the Gamestation, a dazed look on his face, or so Dominic Cartwright had been told.

They had arrested him immediately, hustled him straight to Foreline and locked him up on circumstantial evidence, awaiting a confession.

Dominic could remember the way Jack Harkness had been dumped at his feet, drugged and barely conscious. He'd looked up with cloudy blue eyes, and Cartwright had felt, instinctively, in just one instant, that Jack Harkness was innocent.

He was standing outside Jack Harkness's cell, watching the other man sleep. He'd relieved the guard who was standing duty over this cell ten minutes ago, and Jack Harkness hadn't stirred. It was a refreshing change to the sleep the other man usually had, filled with nightmares he couldn't remember.

The victims on the Gamestation had all been killed with a high heat, electrical force which had a single entry point. In other words, they'd been electrocuted, but by a weapon that, most likely, would send an intense jet of electric energy at the victim, which then travelled around the rest of the body, fusing the living circuits, so to speak. It was instantaneous.

That was another thing that troubled Dominic. To kill that many people, using only one weapon, a weapon which hadn't been recovered at the scene, would have taken hours, especially as the victims were not all in one place, but spread about the satellite.

They had also found a delta wave, a very powerful delta wave, complete and ready to be used. A delta wave which could have easily destroyed the planet, let alone the satellite. If Jack Harkness was such a vicious murderer, why didn't he just kill everyone using that?

Detective Haygan seemed unconcerned by these details. All he was interested in was locking Jack Harkness up. And then executing him. When Dominic had tried to express his concerns, Haygan had snapped that the world was in ruins from the recent terrorist activity and the execution of Jack Harkness would raise morale.

It took him a moment to realise that Jack Harkness was awake, and staring at him with his clear blue eyes.

"Doctor," he murmured in his thick American accent. "Enjoying the view?"

Dominic lowered his head, trying to fight the blush that stained his cheeks.

He cleared his throat.

"Captain Harkness. How are you doing this morning?"

Jack Harkness sat up, unfolding his lean body from his uncomfortable looking position on the floor.

"As well as can be expected when I'm sleeping on a sheet of glass."

Dominic allowed himself a small smile.

Jack Harkness was scrutinising him.

"When's my memory going to come back?"

Dominic sighed.

"I don't know. I'm confident that it will come back, but I'm afraid there's no way of knowing exactly when."

"I need to get out of here, doc. I don't belong here. I need to…" He squeezed his eyes shut. "There's something I need to do, somewhere I need to go. I know it."

He slammed a hand down onto the glass floor with a sudden slap.

"Dammit! I know I didn't kill those people!"

"I believe you."

The words were out of Dominic's mouth before he could stop them, and he froze, pressing his lips tightly together in case some more unwanted thoughts should slip out.

Jack Harkness narrowed his eyes suspiciously.

"You do, huh? And this couldn't just be some trick into making me confess?"

"I'm a doctor, not a policeman," Dominic replied, a slight cold edge to his tone. He hated the police.

"Hm." Jack Harkness sat back a little, seeming to consider this. "You don't know me," he began slowly. "This could either work for my advantage, or against it. You see, if I did kill those people, which I firmly believe I didn't, and you knew me, you would probably be able to tell. But since I didn't, you don't have any reason not to believe me." He looked suddenly sad. "But then again, you wouldn't have any reason to believe me either."

"I do believe you."

Dominic found himself leaning against the glass, wishing suddenly he could be inside the wall, inside the cell, to show Jack Harkness that someone believed in him.

"I do. But that isn't enough to convince anyone else. You have to remember Jack. That's the only way. What about this doctor you mentioned? Can't you remember anything about him?"

Jack closed his eyes for a long moment.

"Nothing," he said. "It's like, I know I know it, but I can't access it, any of it. As if something's just covering it all up…"

Dominic stared hard at him, his mind working over a case of amnesia he'd dealt with a few months back. The girl had had her memory modified, and as a result she'd been unable to remember certain details completely unconnected with the modification. It was possible, just possible, that if Jack Harkness had had any substantial memory modification the signals to his brain could be getting mixed up. If it had been a large span of his memory removed, the brain might have trouble finding the right signals, distinguishing between the modified memory and the traumatised loss.

It was a long shot, a really long shot considering he had no idea if Jack's memory had ever been modified, and there was no point in asking Jack himself, but Dominic could do a scan in no time at all.

If the memory had been modified, the brain waves would be different.

"There may be a way."

Jack sat up a bit straighter, his eyes alert.

"A way to get my memories back?" he asked.

Dominic nodded cautiously.

"It might not work. It might not even be possible. You shouldn't get your hopes up."

"How?"

Dominic swallowed heavily. He was beginning to wonder if this was a bad idea.

"It is possible that if you've had any sort of memory modification in the past, it is impeding your recovery, possibly even preventing it. I can scan you, to see if your brain waves are different."

Jack frowned.

"But why would my memory have been modified?"

"For any reasons. Medical, personal. Who knows why people have their memories modified?"

"Or have them modified for them," muttered Jack darkly.

Dominic shot him a questioning look, but Jack only shook his head roughly.

"This scan. When can you do it?"

"I can do it now," Dominic replied. "But I'm not so sure it's a good id-"

"Do it," Jack interrupted. "Do it now."

Dominic regarded him carefully.

"And what if you don't like the answers?"

Jack Harkness smiled ruefully.

"I guess it's time to find out."

Dominic pressed the access panel and slipped inside the cell, the door hissing shut behind him. He withdrew his scanner from his pocket, a metal implement no larger than a pen (though, of course, no one actually used pens anymore) and pressed the tiny button on the end.

A thin jet of purple light shot out of the end, a beam that could scan the body, skeleton, tissue, skin, organs, everything in a microsecond.

"Close your eyes," he advised.

Jack obediently closed his eyes, and Dominic trained the laser between them, moving it slowly up and down. The scanner beeped and he shut the light off, sliding back a panel to reveal the screen.

On the screen was a minute outline of Jack Harness's brain. Most of the areas were green, which showed normal brain activity, however there was a bright splash of neon pink in the parietal lobe.

Dominic let out the breath he hadn't realised he was holding.

He had been right. And yet, the results weren't exactly what he'd been expecting either, he knew, studying the pink line that ran right around the edge of the cerebral cortex.

He shut off the scanner, shoving it back into his pocket.

Jack opened his eyes expectantly.

"Well doc? Do I dare ask the prognosis?"

"Your memory's been modified," Dominic replied. "And judging from the size of the waves, it's a fairly substantial time period." He considered. "I would estimate two, three years."

Jack stared at him.

"Three years?" he repeated softly. "Someone stole three years of my memories?"

Dominic leant towards him eagerly.

"Stole?" he questioned. "Why do you say stole?"

"I…" Jack shook his head helplessly. "I don't know, I don't…I can't take this!" He grabbed the front of Dominic's shirt, and Dominic felt himself shrinking away.

"That's not all," he said, and Jack froze, eyes narrow with suspicion.

"Tell me."

"Your memory has been modified twice. Once for the two years missing, and once for, well, everything."

"I don't understand," Jack said.

"Your amnesia is not a shock reaction as I originally expected," Dominic explained uneasily. "Someone wiped your memory completely Jack. Whatever happened up on the Gamestation, someone didn't want you to remember it, any of it."

Jack stared at him for a long moment.

"You said there was something you could do, if my memory had been modified," he said finally. "What? What is it?"

"It's, uh, a sort of reversal," Dominic stammered. "It sort of freezes your brainwaves until they can restore a regular pattern. Until the signals can be read correctly."

Jack tightened his fists in Dominic's shirt, and Dominic felt an unexpected thrill at being so close to the other man. Talk about timing.

"Do it," Jack hissed. "Right now. Do it."

Dominic pulled away.

"I can't," he replied. "It's not like the scan. I have to prepare the equipment. I have to prepare _you_. This is an extremely sensitive experiment. If the proper precautions aren't met, the results could be disastrous. Fatal even."

Jack backed away, shaking his head as he paced round his cell.

"Tomorrow then," he said. "Or the day after. As soon as you can, because I don't think I can live another day like…"

His voice trailed off, and he scrubbed a hand across his face then covered his eyes, his back to Dominic.

Dominic bit his lip, then slowly went towards the other man, his hand hovering in mid air before gently resting on Jack's back.

"Tomorrow," he promised softly. "We'll do it tomorrow."

He felt Jack shuddering under his hand.

"Why do you believe me?" he asked softly. He laughed, but to Dominic's ears it sounded forced. "Not that I'm complaining of course."

"I-" Dominic hesitated, unsure what to say. "I don't know, I just…do."

Jack turned, and Dominic felt his breath suddenly lodge in his throat.

There was a flicker of understanding in Jack's eyes and he leant ever so slightly forward, his breath ghosting over Dominic's lips.

Dominic knew he had to pull away, to end this before it even began, because it was wrong in so many senses, no matter how much he wanted it.

Jack didn't move any nearer, waiting for Dominic to make his move.

He wanted to walk away. He should have walked away.

But he couldn't.

He closed his eyes, leant forward, and as he felt Jack's arms wrap around him, knew there was no going back.

* * *

Rose was frozen in complete terror, not daring to move a muscle. 

The Doctor slowly raised his hands to his chest, palms outward.

"It's alright," he said. "I'm unarmed."

Rose felt her captor press the blaster more firmly against her neck.

"Who are you?"

It was a woman, she realised, with surprise. She'd expected it to be a man, with such a strong grip.

"I'm the Doctor," he replied. "And that's Rose Tyler. Who are you?"

"I'm the one asking questions here!" the woman snarled. "Who sent you?"

The Doctor looked vaguely perplexed.

"We sent ourselves. Why, who did you think had sent us?"

"Is that some kind of a trick question?" she asked.

"Um…no?"

Rose bit her lip.

"We're not here to hurt you," she said timidly.

The woman jerked her again, stabbing at her neck with the blaster.

"Shut up!"

She seemed strangely panicked.

"She's right," the Doctor said. "We're not looking for trouble. In fact, we just ran away from it. Up there" He gestured to the ceiling, indicating the street above.

Rose felt the grip on her loosen slightly.

"What trouble?" she asked suspiciously.

"There were voices," Rose said. "They sounded like trouble."

"And how do I know you're not some of them, sent to massacre us?"

"Who's us?" the Doctor asked.

"Oh you know," the woman replied. "I know you do."

The Doctor took a tentative step towards them.

"I promise you we don't. And we don't mean any harm. Please, just let her go."

Rose could feel her captor's hesitation.

"Please," she whispered.

The woman let her go very suddenly, thrusting her into the Doctor's arms.

Rose regained her balance, the Doctor's hands on her arms steadying her, and whirled around.

The woman was still pointing the blaster at them, but Rose was less inclined to be afraid when she saw the fear in the other girl's eyes. And it was a girl, she realised now, looking no more than about sixteen. Her blonde hair was tangled and her pale cheeks were smudged with dirt, her clothes ripped, but her voice was commanding, almost posh. It was the voice of a woman.

"What happened to you?" Rose asked.

The girl narrowed her blue eyes.

"Shut up," she snapped.

Behind Rose, the Doctor made a sound in the back of his throat.

"You know," he said, "that isn't very polite."

The girl glared at them.

"Where did you come from?"

"The TARDIS."

"What's a TARDIS?"

"It's my ship," the Doctor replied, a note of impatience in his voice. "Now how about you answer us a few questions. What's going on here?"

The girl was staring at them.

"Space travellers?" she asked, her voice wavering.

Rose felt the Doctor tense slightly.

"That's right. We're space travellers. Tourists."

The girl shook her head.

"That's impossible. You can't, not since…"

"Since what?"

The girl raised her head, her blue eyes steely as she looked at him in the dim light

"Since they came."

He took a step toward her.

"And who are they?"

"They're the ones who have forced us to hide down here. Who killed our families, set fire to our homes. Who stood there and laughed while we screamed as they tortured us."

She raised the blaster again, pointing it in the Doctor's face.

"And if you're not one of us, you must be one of them."

The Doctor didn't react to the threat, though Rose went tense behind him, her eyes glued to the blaster's point.

"We're not."

"Then how did you get past their force fields?" she demanded. "How did you get your spaceship here?"

"It's a time ship. It travels through wormholes in time, undetectable to the radars used to monitor comings and goings."

She didn't look convinced.

"You're lying."

"Look at us, do we look like them?"

She hesitated.

"It could be a disguise!"

"But it's not," the Doctor insisted gently. "You can trust us. We're here to help you."

"I can't trust anyone," she whispered.

She looked so young, so lost, that Rose felt compelled to step forward from the Doctor's protection, suddenly not so wary of the blaster.

"You lost someone, didn't you?" she asked softly.

The girl nodded, her eyes hidden behind the tangles of her hair.

"So did I," Rose said. "He died, and I didn't even get to say goodbye. I know how it feels, to be all alone. I know what it's like."

She could feel the Doctor behind her, feel his stillness. The girl raised her head, tears creating white tracks in the dirt on her cheeks.

"They took my parents, and then they raped my sister in front of me. I only got away because I killed one of them. I couldn't save her. I wasn't fast enough."

"I'm sorry," Rose whispered, and her pain over Jack seemed to double, hearing this girl's heartbreaking story of survival.

She took another step forward.

"You don't have to be alone anymore."

The girl was watching her, eyes damp and tired, and Rose wanted to take care of her, wanted to take her pain away.

"I'm Evey," she said, holding out her hand, and the formality made Rose want to laugh.

"Rose."

She did laugh then, holding Evey's hand in hers, and to her surprise Evey laughed too, gripping Rose's hand as if it was the only thing keeping her sane.

"Come on," said Evey. "Come with me, and I'll tell you everything."

* * *

Dominic pulled out of Jack's embrace sharply, pushing the other man away from him. 

"I can't," he said.

Jack nodded.

"I know."

"It's not that I don't want to…"

Jack nodded again.

"But you're my doctor."

"Exactly."

They stood awkwardly, facing each other, and Dominic longed to pull Jack back into his arms, to feel his lips, hot and desperate.

There was a sharp rap on the glass behind them.

Dominic whirled, feeling his cheeks flush, to see Magson on the other side.

He half turned back to Jack.

"I have to…"

"I understand."

He risked one last glance at Jack before quickly leaving the cell, raising an enquiring eyebrow at Magson as the door slid shut behind him, hoping he didn't look as guilty as he felt.

"Detective Haygan is on the holopad for you sir."

Dominic swore inwardly, but only gave Magson a slight nod.

"Thank you."

He went quickly to his office, a sick feeling in the pit of stomach. Haygan would only be calling in the middle of the night about one patient, the very patient Dominic was desperate to keep him away from.

Haygan was a fuzzy blue image on his desk, and he sat down in his chair.

"What is it Haygan?"

"We have information on ElectroBoy."

ElectroBoy. That was what the cops had been calling Jack. Because of the way the victims had died.

"His name is Jack Harkness," he snapped, then immediately flushed. _Keep it together_.

"Whatever," Haygan said dismissively. "We know who he is."

Dominic leant forward, his heart pounding in his throat.

"Who?"

"He was a Time Agent. And the Time Agency are rather determined to get him back. They didn't seem to know he was alive."  
A Time Agent. Jack was a Time Agent.

"They're going to send one of their people over tomorrow, to validate his identity. From then on things should move pretty quickly. It'll be no time at all before we have the SOB behind bars and then into the chair."

Dominic frowned. Under the table, he clenched one hand into a fist.

"The Time Agency aren't taking him?"

Haygan laughed, but it wasn't a very pleasant sound.

"A prime suspect in a high profile case? Don't be an idiot, Cartwright."

Dominic said nothing, but he had a very strong feeling the Time Agency wouldn't just sit around and watch an amnesiac Agent be tried for first degree murder. If he was guilty, it would be an embarrassment, and if he was innocent, they would want to protect him. No, if a Time Agent turned up at Foreline tomorrow, he doubted very much any of them would be seeing Jack Harkness again.

_Which means his memory can't wait._

He forced his attention back to Haygan.

"Very good, Detective. I will make sure everything runs smoothly."

"See that you do, Cartwright. We can't afford any mistakes."

Dominic nodded, and sank back in relief as Haygan ended the transmission.

Somehow, he now felt surer than ever that Jack Harkness was innocent. And if he was going to help him, he had to hurry.

They didn't have much time.

* * *

Evey led them along a maze of abandoned tunnels, giving no indication of where she was going, and Rose and the Doctor followed her unquestioningly. 

When she finally stopped, it was in front an old metal sliding door that appeared to be stuck half way.

"This is from before," she explained, a note of pride in her voice. "You know, years and years ago. They don't even make doors like this anymore."

She slipped through the gap, and Rose followed her, emerging into a square room which had a broken computer console and a wall of smashed TV screens at one end.

"My God," Rose breathed. "These look like they could have been from my time."

"They might well be," said the Doctor, emerging into the room behind her. "Evey's right. These doors haven't been made for thousands of years."

There were various blankets and pillows on the floor, and they all sat down on them in a little circle, Rose and the Doctor's attention on Evey.

"So, I suppose you want to know everything?"

The Doctor nodded, and Evey cast her eyes towards the ceiling, as if trying to decide where to begin.

"It happened two weeks ago, when the Gamestation stopped broadcasting."

Rose saw the Doctor lean forward eagerly. That was where they'd been, at the Gamestation.

"We found out later that it had been a murder, but at the time the games just stopped working. It was weird. And then the terrorists came."

"A murder," repeated the Doctor, eyes crinkled in confusion. "What murder?"

Evey looked at them with sorrowful eyes.

"Over a hundred people were killed," she said. "Just slaughtered. No one knows why or how. But they know who."

"The Daleks," Rose breathed.

Evey frowned.

"What?" she asked. "Did you say Daleks?"

Rose nodded. "They're…monsters," she tried to explain, but Evey cut her off.

"I know what they are. And I'm also perfectly aware that they don't exist. They're a myth."

"They're a forgotten race," corrected the Doctor. "One which we thought had been obliterated until recently. They were the ones who killed the people on Satellite 5."

Evey was staring at him.

"No," she said firmly. "It was a man."

"What?"

"It was a man. The only found one survivor. They say he can't remember, but that it will just be a matter. It must have been him. How could it not be?"

"A man," Rose breathed. "Someone survived?" They must have been hiding, the Daleks must have missed them. She thought of Jack, who she knew would have gone down fighting. He was probably throwing insults at them, even right at the end.

Evey nodded.

"Like I said, they're pretty sure that he's the one who did it. Which sounds a little more probable than Daleks. No offence."

"None taken," the Doctor said grimly. "The Daleks are regarded as a myth, if acknowledged at all. The only witnesses to their existence are those who were on that satellite. And now they're all dead but one, and he can't remember anything."

"That was just the start of it," Evey said. "The massacre of the Gamestation. Terrorists bombed the whole planet. Millions were killed."

"Not terrorists," Rose said. "Daleks."

Evey didn't seem to hear her.

"And then they came. The space pirates. It must have been something to do with the transmitting signal, with the bombings, they must have sensed something was wrong when it got switched off. Anyway, they invaded, the whole world, millions of them. They're slaughtering us, and they won't stop until we're all dead."

She turned away from them, and Rose bit her lip.

"What are space pirates?" she asked the Doctor softly.

"Blood hunters. They prowl the universes looking for weak planets, then massacre them just for the fun of it." His eyes hardened. "I've done it again, Rose. I've left without bothering to think about the aftermath, the consequences. This is my fault."

"It's not your fault. I nearly died, you were regenerating. You couldn't have undone this without killing yourself first, and then where would that have left me? I'd already lost Jack, I couldn't lose you too."

She stared hard at him, willing him to understand, willing him to believe her.

"You saved them from becoming another race of Daleks. You saved them from something worse than death."

"To throw them into the path of death itself."

"You couldn't have known. This isn't your fault."

He bowed his head.

"Is my life really worth all those on this planet?" he asked, his voice heavy, dark.

"If I had had to make the choice I would have," she said. "I would have chosen you. Up there, on the satellite, you wouldn't use the Delta wave. Because you knew then there would be no chance. That's who you are. You would never have asked for this to happen. I know you."

"You were on the Gamestation."

Evey's voice was flat behind them, and Rose felt a trickle of unease in her stomach.

"Yes."

"This is your fault. You did this."

Rose shook her head.

"No. We didn't. I lost a very good friend on that satellite. So don't you dare say this is our fault. If I could go back and never visit that stupid satellite I would. I would do anything to have Jack back. And I would never inflict that sort of pain on anyone. So no, it isn't our fault. We were there to save this planet from something worse than space pirates. Something that Jack died because of."

She was startled to feel the tears on her cheeks, the pain of Jack's death like a bullet in her chest.

The Doctor's hand was gentle on her arm, and his sorrow was reflected back at her, in his eyes.

"The survivor," he said. "He holds the key to this. We need to speak to him."

"And what about my planet?" Evey demanded. "You said you'd help me. My parents are dead! I'm alone and all you care about is some stupid murderer?"

"Come with us."

Evey stared at him, her eyes wide.

"There's nothing left for you here. Come with us, and you'll find out for yourself what happened on Satellite 5."

The Doctor leant towards her, a firm hand on her slender shoulder.

"I can't undo what was done to your family. If I could, I would, I swear to you. But I'm giving you a chance to escape now. Come with us."

There was a long moment of silence.

"Okay," Evey said finally. "I'll come."

* * *

Jack Harkness was sitting in a chair with several wires stuck to his head by little rubber pads, trying very hard not to feel nervous. 

Dominic was standing at a control console across the room, twiddling complicated knobs and levers, that reminded Jack very strongly of something he couldn't quite remember.

Dominic turned around, and Jack felt a flash of warmth in his chest as he looked into the other man's face. This was someone who cared for him, who trusted him, though Jack had no idea why he should.

Dominic hadn't said why he'd changed his mind about doing the procedure tonight, but Jack noticed his movements were tense, nervous. He had the feeling something was wrong, but he didn't want to ask.

"You'll feel tingles," Dominic said, his back to Jack. "And try to keep your breaths deep and even. It might be a little overwhelming at first, the onslaught of memories. Just remember to keep calm."

Jack nodded, swallowing nervously.

Dominic turned to face him, and Jack could see the tightness of his mouth.

"You might not find what you're looking for, Jack."

Jack looked at him, studied his face.

"You believed in my innocence, without any proof. Why? Because you felt attracted to me?"  
"It was more than that," Dominic said quietly. "There was something about you, about your eyes." He shook his head. "Listen to me, going on about your eyes. But they do say they're the window to the soul."

"You saw something in me," Jack said. "Whatever it is you saw, that's what I'm counting on. That's what I'm looking for."

They stared at each other for a moment, then Dominic nodded.

"Okay. Close your eyes."

* * *

tbc 


	4. Part 4

_"On sleepless roads the sleepless go." -Hear You Me, Jimmy Eat World_

Disc: don't own it, don't sue me

Warnings: slash, non con (non graphic), space travel…

ans: as am now firmly back in the slash, have decided to clean this story up a bit so it can actually be read.

* * *

Jack closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Moments later he felt a gentle tingling running up his arms, legs, across his back and chest, up towards his head. It was almost like a buzzing, inside his head, and the rubber pads felt hot.

He saw a huge building on a green lawn, people lying on the grass, laughing. They were wearing some kind of uniform.

The memories didn't all come at once, not like he'd expected. Some drifted in in pictures, the knowledge of what it actually was catching up a moment later. The building was where he'd studied to become a Time Agent. He'd loved it there.

He remembered his home planet, his family, all long since dead. He remembered his career as a Time Agent, and after that, as a con artist. He remembered Rose and the Doctor, and he remembered the Daleks.

He didn't know how long he was under the energy beams, but when the tingling stopped and Dominic was pulling the rubber pads off his head, he remembered everything.

"Jack?" Dominic asked tentatively.

"Yes," he whispered, and his voice sounded strange, not like him at all.

"Yes," he repeated stronger, more confident, and when he looked at Dominic he felt that stirring of attraction, the attraction he'd felt for so many others, all over the universe, many, many times before.

"I remember. I didn't kill anyone. It was the Daleks. And the Doctor he just…he just left me."

Dominic was watching him carefully.

"Are you okay? Do you feel any sickness, dizziness?"

Jack shook his head. He couldn't get the sound of the TARDIS engines out of his head, speeding round the corner to see it disappearing into nothingess. He supposed that must have been when he lost his memory, because he couldn't remember anything after that.

How could The Doctor just leave him? Didn't he even bother to come back and see if Jack was alive? How hard would it have been, they were on the same floor for crying out loud.

"Jack?"

He blinked, bringing Dominic into focus. This man had seemed so important to him only moments ago, the only man who had believed in him, but now…now he just seemed like another pretty face, there to be used for his own satisfaction.

He was more annoyed than anything. Annoyed that he'd gone and lost his memory and ended up as a suspect for mass murder. Anyone only need to ask the Time Agency and they would surely…

He froze, the thought hitting him like a brick. The Time Agency.

"Do they know where I am?" he asked urgently.

Dominic looked blank.

"Who?"

"The Time Agency! Do they know I'm here?"

"They're…they're sending someone for you tomorrow. That's why I did the procedure tonight. Because I thought that they would take you."

"You're right," Jack said grimly. "They would have taken me. You have to help me get out of here."

Dominic stared at him, wide eyed.

"I…I can't," he stammered. "I would lose my job."

"And I might lose my life," Jack snapped. "These people have been looking for me for a very long time. They're not going to give up easily now they know I'm alive."

"I don't understand. What did you do?"

"I ran away," Jack said simply. "But only after they stole two years of my memories."

A look of understanding dawned on Dominic's face.

"The modification."

"Exactly. I was travelling with some companions when we ended up on Satellite 5. The Daleks slaughtered everyone there. To even think a human could have done it is ridiculous."

"Jack," Dominic said tentatively. "Are you sure you're not feeling hot, because that's the second time you've mentioned a Dalek."

"Yes," Jack snapped impatiently. "And?"

"Well…they don't exist."

Jack stared at him for a moment.

"You don't know. Of course you don't know. The good old Doctor got rid of them, of every trace. He must of thought I was dead, I-"

He stopped suddenly, feeling a flash of memory so vivid, so _real_, that he staggered on the glass floor. There had been the heat, so intense, rattling through his bones, he remembered the sound of his own skin singing with electricity, then nothing.

"Jack? Jack, what's wrong?"

"I…I think I died."

Dominic stared at him.

"What?"

"I remember the Dalek zapping me. It killed me, but then…how am I…I don't…"

"It could be a false memory," Dominic said. "Your mind might still be a bit scrambled."

"It happened," Jack insisted. He stood up, ignoring the slight shaking in his legs. "I have to get out of here. I have to go. The Doctor…"

But he couldn't finish that thought, because hadn't the Doctor left him? Even if Jack had been a second sooner, would the Doctor have wanted him?

Or was that why he hadn't come back? Because he didn't care.

"I have to go."

"I can't just let you walk out of here," Dominic said.

"If I stay, I will be killed."

"Jack please, listen to me."

"Yes listen to him, Jack."

Both Dominic and Jack whirled in the direction of the door, where a new figure stood, a woman, with striking blonde hair, dressed in sleek black clothes.

"Although you never were very good at taking orders, were you?"

Jack stared at her.

"Do I know you?"

She didn't answer his question, instead walked into the room, her high heeled boots clicking on the glass floor.

"Veronica Baudelaire," she said, holding a badge in black leather casing out to Dominic. "I'm with the Time Agency."

Dominic regarded her with suspicion.

"I was informed you'd be here tomorrow."

"You were informed wrong," she replied. "Now if you don't mind, I would like a few moments alone with Captain Harkness."

Dominic raised his chin.

"I don't think that will be possible."

Veronica Baudelaire smiled coldly.

"Doctor Cartwright, I assume you want this unfortunate mess to be cleared up without any, shall we say, _accusations_ against your department. I don't think it will be too difficult, providing, of course, you co-operate

Dominic hesitated, his eyes flitting between Jack and Veronica.

"I'll be outside," he said eventually.

Jack nodded, his eyes on Veronica.

Dominic left the room, the door hissing shut behind him.

Immediately, Veronica lost the cold, authoritative air she had held only seconds ago.

"We don't have much time."

Jack stared at her.

"What on earth are you talking about? And you never answered my question before."

Veronica looked straight at him. She had deep brown eyes, almost black.

"Yes, you know me, but you don't remember me."

Jack went very still.

"And why is that?"

Veronica smiled sadly.

"Because they erased all memory of me."

"You know why they erased my memory."

"Yes."

There was a sudden tension in the small room.

"Why?"

"Not now. I have to get you out of here, before someone turns up that the Agency actually sent."

"Wait, the Agency didn't send you?"

Veronica sighed.

"Jack, the Agency has been looking very hard for you. And not for very nice reasons."

"Because I left?"

"You made the only choice you could, at the end."

Jack shook his head.

"I don't understand. If they didn't send you, why are you here?"

"To save you," Veronica said simply.

"But why?"

She stared at him for a moment with those startlingly dark eyes.

"Because I loved you."

For a moment there was silence, then Jack laughed, shaking his head.

"How is it wherever I go I manage to make people fall in love with me? Am I really that irresistible?"

Veronica regarded him coldly.

"It's hardly a laughing matter," she said. "We weren't just having a silly little fling. Although, admittedly, you do find it hard to tell the difference."

Jack got the impression she was trying to wound him, although he really found her barbed comments slightly amusing. He wondered if this was what they'd been like together: her trying to stir emotions in him and him unaffected and uncaring.

"If we were such great lovers then how come I remember nothing about you?"

"Don't Jack," she said. "Just because you don't know me doesn't mean I don't know you. Don't try and pretend this is all a game. This is your life."

"My life's always been a game," he replied carelessly, and Veronica sighed, shaking her head.

"Then I'm almost sorry to have to be the one to disillusion you," she said softly. "You were on an undercover mission, infiltrating slave traders who were using holes in time to snatch children and force them into prostitution. That was when we met. I was there to oversee the operation and you, well, you were charming as always. I fell in love with you very quickly, and I think at one point you may have even felt the same."

"So what happened?" Jack asked.

"Your cover was blown. After almost two years your communications with us just…stopped. It took us two months to find you, but by then it was too late. They had removed the information you had gathered for us, and at the same time taken a large chunk of your memories, anything that had to do with the case, including me. It was done crudely, there was no way we could save the memories. And in the meantime, they had tortured you daily. By the time we got to you, all you had left were memories of being tortured with no idea why. We thought it best to take those memories too. The morning after the operation, you were gone. There was no trace of you. They've been looking ever since."

"I was trained well," Jack said, wondering how he could be talking so normally after her revelation. "I knew how to hide."

She smiled sadly.

"You always were the best."

Jack shook his head, finding all this new information difficult to absorb.

"So what now? You get me out of here and we run happily off into the sunset?"

"Something like that," Veronica said.

He nodded. She wanted him to go with her, to run away with her. Maybe even fall back in love with her. And give up any chance of finding the Doctor. There was something very wrong with this, with Veronica. Something about her story just didn't quite add up…

"You said for the undercover mission you were overseeing the operation."

She nodded, frowning.

"Yes, that's right. Why do you ask?"

He shrugged.

"No reason. It's just that, you must have a pretty high up position to be overseeing operations of that importance."

She stiffened visibly and he knew he'd hit his mark.

"Too high up to be willing to throw it all away for a con man like me."

He leant close to her, their faces almost touching, unable to completely hide his anger.

"What did they tell you, huh? 'Jack can't resist a bit of skirt, he'll believe your story, no problem'? Well too bad sister, because I know myself and I know your sort, and I know you wouldn't have taken a second look at me."

There was a long, tense moment, then Veronica smiled icily, the change in her face so abrupt Jack felt like it was a different person.

"Congratulations, Mr Harkness. You really are smarter than you appear."

"It's Captain Harkness."

Veronica Baudelaire looked suitably unimpressed.

"I really don't care. And I can promise you, when the Agency's seen what I've brought them, they'll let me call you anything I want."

He smiled bitterly.

"So all of that really was just a pretty story to set my imagination off."

"Oh no Jack. That really happened. You were almost insane when they found you. You couldn't talk or move or do anything really. The only solution they could think of was to erase the torture."

She reached out a slender hand, running it gently down his cheek. Her fingers were cold.

"Personally, I always rather thought that you deserved it."

Jack jerked back as if he'd been stung.

"You cold hearted bitch."

"But that's what makes me so successful. And you were right, by the way. I wouldn't have taken a second look."

Outside in the corridor, there was a sudden scream, different from the usual screams that perforated the glass prison walls, and Jack tore his eyes away from her, whipping his head toward the door.

"Something's not right," he said.

When he turned back, Veronica had withdrawn a blaster and was pointing it at his head.

"Don't move," she ordered.

Jack glared at her.

"Like you said, I was never very good at taking orders."

She moved towards him, pressing the blaster point against his forehead.

"Then may I suggest now is the optimum time to change."

There was another scream outside, then an ear shattering crash as the corridor wall shattered inwards, the sudden force knocking both Jack and Veronica to the floor, glass shards embedding themselves in Jack's thin hospital scrubs.

Dazed, he tried to stand, but rough hands grabbed at him, male hands, he noted, and began dragging him off the floor. He kicked out, and his captor slammed his head against the glass floor, shocking him into submission. He could see Veronica fighting another huge man, heard the blaster go off and then she was suddenly still.

The hands were pressing him down into the floor, tearing at his shirt, and there was laughter, deep gruff laughter, and his head felt so woozy, he couldn't fight back.

The man ripped his shirt off his body, and with a sudden, cold revelation, Jack knew exactly what they were about to do him.

The realisation kick started him into action, and he began fighting, screaming and punching and kicking, determined to save himself. He couldn't go down now, not just after he knew who he was again. He _wouldn't_.

The hands on him stilled suddenly, and a gruff voice snapped, "Not here, we don't have time. There's something on the sensors. Take him back and you can spend as long as you want over him there."

There was a moment's silence, then he was being dragged across the glass covered floor and hauled onto a shoulder. He lay limp, his struggle gone, until he saw Dominic.

He was outside the shattered door, lying face up, a crimson wound spreading across his chest. He was dead.

He began to scream again, and he was dumped painfully on the floor, a boot rearing back in his vision and exploding with the side of his head, exploding into blackness.

* * *

By the time the Doctor and Rose reached Foreline it was too late.

The space pirates had already left their path of devastation, and the once imposing prison hospital sat smoking in ruins before them on one of Earth's five moons.

"We're too late," said Rose, standing in the TARDIS doorway. "We're too late."

The Doctor nodded.

"It certainly looks that way."

He stepped across the smooth moon surface and began making his way across to the battered front gates of the institution.

"Where are you going?" Rose called after him.

"Stay in the Tardis, Rose."

There was a moment, then he heard her running behind him.

"Don't just walk off," she snapped, and he felt a brief flash of guilt when he took in the dark circles under her eyes. He knew she'd been having nightmares.

"Stay with Evey, I won't be long."

For a moment he thought she was going to argue, then she just looked sad and turned away from him. As he watched her walk away he realised they still didn't know each other, not very well. The old Doctor would probably have let her come with him, Evey too, but now…

Now he just felt like he'd be endangering her. He couldn't help but think if the old him hadn't been so eager to put Jack in danger, Jack might still be alive.

And there was this feeling, this nagging feeling he'd had ever since he'd woken up.

That was why he'd come back here in the first place, that was why he was now going into what was essentially a ruined wreck. This feeling, that he couldn't quite explain or place.

Inside, it was even worse. Bodies and broken glass littered what must have been smart, bare corridors. Blood streaked up whatever glass was left, pooled on the floor.

He wondered how the pirates broke the strong glass used for prisons. They must have stronger weaponry that he'd thought.

He weaved his way round the vast building, hoping to find survivors, but the only sounds were his own shoes crunching the glass underfoot, echoing in the eerie silence.

Rose was right. They were too late. Everyone was dead or taken. They would never know who the survivor was, would never know how he survived.

There was a hand around his ankle.

Even as he turned he knew the hold wasn't a threat, could feel the weakness in the grasp, the life slipping away. It was a man in a white coat stained red with his own blood, a young man, the Doctor realised. Too young to have been subjected to this fate.

He dropped to his knees, pressing his palm against the man's chest, but he knew it was futile, that this man had no chance.

His eyes fell on the man's name tag, neatly pinned to his once white coat.

_Dr Cartwright._

"Dr Cartwright," he said. "I'm a Doctor too, what a coincidence." His cheer sounded forced, but he continued anyway. "The Doctor in fact. Not an actual doctor of anything, though, not really. Or maybe I'm a doctor of everything, I'm not sure."

Dr Cartwright's brown eyes were fixed on his face, intent despite the obvious pain he was in.

"You're him, the Doctor?" he rasped.

The Doctor's ears pricked up.

"That's right. Do you know who I am?"

Cartwright blinked once, slowly.

"Jack Harkness," he murmured.

The Doctor felt himself go so still he thought his hearts might have stopped beating.

"How do you know Jack Harkness?" he asked.

"He's my…patient," Cartwright said haltingly.

The Doctor tried to stay calm. There must be a million Jack Harknesses in the universe. And it was just co incidence that this one happened to be near Satellite 5 only two weeks after Jack was killed. It didn't mean…it wasn't possible…

"Why? Why was he your patient?"

"He-" Cartwright broke off coughing, and the Doctor placed a hand under his head, trying to support him. "He was found on the Gamestation. He had no memory. They thought he'd killed everyone, but I knew…she was going to take him. I don't…I don't know what…"

"Who?" The Doctor asked urgently. "Who was going to take him?"

"From the Time Agency," he gasped. "But he wanted to look for you, he…then they came…they took him."

"Who took him?" Cartwright didn't answer, his mouth suddenly slack. "Who?"

Cartwright's eyes blinked slowly, then closed. He wasn't breathing.

Of course he knew who. Evey had said the same thing when they'd asked her. _"Then they came."_ Space pirates. The Doctor remained for a moment kneeling, head bowed, then stood, carefully placing Cartwright's body back on the glass floor.

"I'm sorry," he murmured. "I'm so sorry."

It wasn't possible. The Doctor had _heard_ Jack die. He had _heard_ that Dalek zap him. Jack was _dead_.

But Cartwright had known him, the Doctor. He had said that Jack had been looking for him. And he had mentioned The Time Agency.

That niggling feeling, in the back of his head. Could this possibly be what it meant? Could Jack really be alive?

He turned and sprinted back down the maze of corridors, effortlessly remembering the way he had come, until he burst out of the front gates, the TARDIS in view.

Banging the doors open, it was Evey he went straight to, not Rose, and he bent to look into the girl's eyes.

"Where is the space pirates' base?" he asked.

She stared blankly back at him.

"I don't know, how would I know?"

"Think!" he snapped, shaking her shoulders.

"I…" She looked helplessly round the TARDIS. "Anywhere…I don't…"

"It will be somewhere high profile, somewhere they can mock your planet. Somewhere powerful."

"The Whitehouse," said Rose suddenly.

The Doctor looked up at her, his eyes lighting up.

"Of course. What better way to throw the very foundation of power out of the window."

He looked back at Evey.

"Is the Whitehouse still there, in this time?"

She nodded, her eyes big.

He spun away from her, towards the console and began setting the knobs for co ordinates.

"Doctor?" asked Rose. "What's going on?"

The Doctor looked up at her, his hand on the flight lever.

"Jack's still alive."

* * *

tbc


	5. Part 5

_"On sleepless roads the sleepless go." -Hear You Me, Jimmy Eat World_

disc: don't own it

warnings: slash, non graphic non con

* * *

Rose stared at him, sure she'd misheard.

"Jack?" she asked. "Our Jack? But that's impossible, he was…oh my God, he was the survivor, wasn't he?"

The Doctor nodded distractedly, turning levers and pressing buttons, pulling out the TARDIS's screen and staring at it intently.

"But how…" Rose was having trouble forming sentences. "How do you…"

"I found his doctor. He was barely alive, but managed to tell me Jack was there." He looked up then, and she could see a darkness in his eyes. "The space pirates have taken him."

Behind her, Evey gasped.

"But they'll murder him!"

"Exactly," the Doctor replied grimly. "Which is why we need to find him." He looked at Evey. "And I'll need your help."

He leant back over the screen, and Rose peered over his shoulder, following his finger as he pointed out lines on a sketchy map.

"The space pirates were using heavy weaponry in that hospital, heavy enough to break security glass, which is saying something. Weapons like that give off energy on a data scanner, and I managed to pick up their signal and trace it back to their base." He shot Rose a grin. "The Whitehouse, just like you said."

Rose found herself grinning back. There was a light in the Doctor's eyes, battling the darkness.

"Now all we need to do is infiltrate it, and steal Jack back. Piece of cake."

"And you need me to show you the way," Evey said.

The Doctor's smile widened.

"Exactly. Out of the three of us, you're the only one who has any sort of knowledge about this place. I mean, you must have seen it on telly or something."

To Rose's surprise, Evey looked grim.

"I've seen more than that. I've been there."

Rose frowned.

"Like, on a visitor's tour?"

"Um, not exactly. There's something I haven't told you about myself."

The Doctor raised an eyebrow, waiting.

"I'm, well, I'm the Prime Minister's daughter."

Rose stared.

"You're…what?"

Evey bit her lip.

"Yeah. My full name's Evelyn Scarlett Worthing. My father is…_was_ Prime Minister Jack Worthing."

"Like in the play?" Rose asked, before she could stop herself.

The Doctor shot her a look, but Evey nodded.

"Exactly." She smiled ruefully. "He hated that."

She looked suddenly so sad, and Rose placed a comforting hand on her arm.

Evey looked straight at Rose, then seemed to strengthen, became almost taller.

"I can get you in," she said. "I know the layout."

The Doctor nodded.

"Good. You and I will go in and get Jack. Rose, you stay here."

Rose opened her mouth to protest, fully prepared to tell the Doctor exactly what she though of this plan, but he put up a hand, stopping her.

"Please Rose, don't argue with me on this. These space pirates are ruthless. I don't want to save Jack only to lose you."

"I can help," she insisted.

"No. You stay here."

He turned away from her before she could reply, and she felt the harsh sting of his rejection. She knew, rationally, that he was doing it to protect her, but it still felt like a dismissal.

"Right. Evey, you still got that blaster?"

Evey nodded, gripping the blaster tightly. Her face was pale, but her eyes were like steel. Determined.

"And I've got my trusty sonic screwdriver." He tossed it up in the air, then caught it and slipped it into his coat pocket.

"Right then."

He turned towards her, and she tried not to let the resentment show on her face.

"I'm trying to keep you safe," he said.

She nodded.

"I know. I just…"

"Jack will need you when we bring him back. He'll…." He hesitated for a moment. "He'll probably be in a bad way."

Rose nodded, understanding what he was saying.

"I'll be ready."

He squeezed her hand quickly.

"See you soon."

Then he opened the door, gestured Evey through, and was gone.

"See you soon," she echoed to the empty room.

The Doctor slipped through the door Evey had shown him, deep in the side of the white building, hidden from view by a cloud of purple wisteria.

"It's barely ever used," Evey had explained to him. "The pirates probably won't have had time to find it yet."

They moved silently down a maze of corridors, Evey leading the way, although the Doctor had no idea where they were going, and he wasn't entirely sure Evey knew either.

"Where are we going?" he hissed.

Evey looked at him, her eyes slightly wide.

"Don't you know?"

"How would I know?"

"I don't know! Don't you have a scanner that detects body heat or something?"

The Doctor rolled his eyes. "I'm not a magician. Besides, that would be no good here, with all the space pirates wondering around."

"Alright! Don't have a go at me!"

"I'm not. Keep your voice down."

They pressed back into the alcove they had stopped in as gruff voices echoed down the corridor.

"Shhh," the Doctor murmured, and he felt Evey tense against him.

"Human scum. They'll be wiped out soon. Perhaps we should think about taking more prisoners. That last lot were extremely satisfying."

"And there's still one left," an answering voice growled.

"You know how possessive Grimhout gets about his captures. I wouldn't dare go near him."

"Grimhout up there with him now?"

"Probably. He'll wear him out soon. Wait and see."

There was a deep guffawing, and the laughter faded away, down another corridor.

The Doctor glanced at Evey.

"Up," he said.

She nodded.

"Follow me."

They made their way up a back stairway in stops and starts, having a few too many close calls for the Doctor's liking, and as they reached the top floor, he pushed the heavy door open, onto a sparse hallway, not at all grand like the rest of the building. There was a single door at the end of the corridor, and the Doctor could see the lift doors in between.

He was about to step out, when the door opened suddenly, and he slipped back into the dark stairway, hoping he hadn't been seen.

"Now don't you go dying on me. I haven't quite finished with you yet," a dark voice taunted, then there were the sounds of heavy footfalls, and the ping of the lift doors.

The Doctor waited several long seconds, then shoved the door open, stepping out into the hallway, Evey behind him.

"Keep a look out," he told her, then he strode forward and opened the door.

The stench of blood and sweat hit him like a wave. There were several people lying in the small, square room, still and unmoving. The Doctor's eyes immediately fell on Jack, who was lying blindfolded and naked on the floor, his skin spattered with red drops of blood.

The Doctor dropped to his knees beside him, reaching out for him. At his touch, Jack flinched and tried to shift away.

"No more," he murmured, and his voice sounded so broken, so unlike the Jack he remembered. "No more."

"Jack, it's okay. I'm here to help you."

Jack froze at his words, and the Doctor quickly reached for the blindfold, tugging it off his head.

Jack blinked in the dim room, his eyes flitting around, scared, before resting on the Doctor's face.

"Who are you?" he asked.

The Doctor tried not to let his reaction show.

It was stupid, but up until this point he had been so fixated on finding Jack, it hadn't occurred to him that Jack wouldn't recognise him. He suddenly wished he had brought Rose along after all.

"I'm a friend of Rose," he said. "I've come to get you out of here."

"Rose?" Jack asked, hope flaring in his eyes.

The Doctor nodded.

"That's right. Come on."

He made to slip his arm around Jack's shoulders, but Jack shrank from the touch.

"If you're a friend of Rose, then where is she?" he demanded, his voice rough and cracked.

"She's waiting for us, in the TARDIS," he replied, then immediately wished he'd kept quiet.

Jack went still.

"The TARDIS?" he repeated. "Then, the Doctor…?"

The Doctor forced himself to nod.

"He's there too, but I don't have time to explain it now. We have to get you out of here, before they come back."

The words had the desired effect, and Jack tried to struggle to his feet, this time letting the Doctor help, although he stiffened noticeably at the touch.

The Doctor shrugged off his long brown coat, carefully wrapping it around Jack's bruised body.

"Here, wear this for now."

Jack nodded, accepting the coat gratefully, and the Doctor noticed he was shaking. The coat was nearly too small for him, and the Doctor realised with a start that he was only slightly taller than Jack now. He wasn't used to that.

Jack looked sorrowfully at the others, all lying still on the floor.

"They're dead," he said, and the Doctor nodded. He'd thought as much.

Jack leant against him as they struggled back through the door, and Evey looked up, her blue eyes large as she took in Jack, swaying on his feet.

"We'll never get out the way we came in," she said.

The Doctor nodded in agreement.

"Then there's only one way we can. All guns blazing."

He looked at Jack carefully.

"Do you think you can make it?"

Jack nodded, taking his own weight.

"I can make it."

The Doctor smiled, recognising the Jack he'd known, the Jack who was determined and ballsy and reckless. He reached into his inner jacket pocket and handed Jack a small blaster Evey had given him from her stash.

"You might need this."

Jack accepted it with a nod.

He glanced at Evey.

"And you can get us out?"

She nodded confidently.

"Then let's go for it."

They went down in the lift this time, and as they reached the ground floor, the Doctor met first Evey's, then Jack's, eyes.

"Ready?"

"Ready."

As the lift doors pinged open, the Doctor didn't hesitate before activating the sonic screwdriver, which emitted a bright blue light, blinding the space pirates that would surely be waiting for them.

"Go!" he yelled to Evey, and he heard the sound of Jack's blaster going off. Then they were running, running and shooting and dodging.

He saw Jack falter, and reached for him, pulling him tight against his own body.

"We're almost there!" he yelled, but didn't know if Jack could hear him over the sound of the fight.

Then they were bursting through the main doors, the sounds of blasters whizzing past their ears, and the TARDIS was in sight.

"Run!" the Doctor shouted. "RUN!"

And they ran.

* * *

The TARDIS door burst open and Rose nearly jumped out of her skin as Evey tumbled through, closely followed by the Doctor and…Jack.

He was clinging to the Doctor, dressed absurdly in the Doctor's brown coat, and for a horrific moment Rose thought he was dead, but then his eyes fluttered, as the Doctor laid him down on the TARDIS floor.

"You're safe now," the Doctor murmured softly, then straightened abruptly, striding over to the console.

"Rose," he barked. "We need to get out of here."

Rose hesitated, wanting to go to Jack.

"Rose!" he snapped. "There isn't time!"

Rose hurried over to the console.

"Hold this lever," the Doctor ordered, pushing her towards a large blue lever. He spun a couple of dials impatiently, and the TARDIS rocked suddenly with a huge blow.

"They're outside," he said between gritted teeth.

"But they can't get in," Rose said confidently. "Doctor?"

"Remember when I said they had really powerful machinery?"

Rose nodded nervously.

"It's probably best that we go sooner, rather than later."

"Tell me what to do!"

"Just keep holding that lever, and pull it when I say."

She watched him throw switches, but nothing happened.

"They're trying to lock us down!" he said. "I'll have to override it, but that might take a few minutes."

"We don't have a few minutes," Evey said, her eyes on the TARDIS door, hand tightening on her blaster.

"Come on!" the Doctor hissed, his hands flying over the console. "Come ON!"

The TARDIS suddenly vibrated underneath Rose's feet, and the Doctor let out a victorious shout.

"Got it! Rose, now!"

She pulled the lever back sharply, and the familiar whir of the engines pulsated through the room, the TARDIS shuddering as it moved.

"Yes!" the Doctor yelled, throwing his arms around Rose and swinging her in a circle.

Rose laughed.

"We did it."

"We most certainly did."

Her eyes fell on Jack, pale and unmoving on the engine room floor, and she immediately disentangled herself from the Doctor's embrace and went to him, kneeling by his side.

His eyes fluttered as she shifted his head onto her lap.

"Hello Rosey," he rasped.

"Hi," she murmured, unable to stop the tears that dripped down her cheeks.

Jack tried to shift, gasping from the pain, and Rose took his hand in hers.

"Don't," she whispered. "We've got you now, it's okay. I promise it's going to be okay."

Jack's eyes focussed hazily on her face, then flickered to the Doctor, standing behind her.

"You're the Doctor," he said softly.

The Doctor nodded silently.

His eyes moved back to Rose.

"I don't understand…"

"I'll explain everything," she promised. "Just let me get you to your room, okay?"

"_Is_ he the Doctor?" he asked.

"Yes Jack," Rose said softly. "He is."

She saw his eyes move back to the Doctor again, saw the vague, confused look turn hard.

"You left me," he said.

For a long moment no one spoke.

"We need to get you to bed," the Doctor said finally, moving forward to help her pull Jack to his feet.

"Don't touch me!" Jack cried, pushing the Doctor away with what little strength he had, falling against Rose.

Rose staggered to support him, shock racing through her at his reaction.

The Doctor stepped back, his face impassive, but Rose could tell Jack's actions had hurt him.

"I'll help," Evey said quickly, coming to Jack's other side and carefully placing has arm over her shoulder.

Rose was relieved when Jack let her, and together they made their way towards the TARDIS corridors.

Rose looked back at the Doctor, who was standing by the console, his eyes on the spot Jack had been laying. He looked…blank.

She bit her lip and focused on getting Jack to his room. The Doctor would have to wait.

She ran Jack a hot bath, and he let her lower him into it, gasping as the heat stung his open cuts.

"I knew you always wanted to see me naked," he murmured as he lay back, and Rose offered him a watery smile and reached for the shampoo.

He let her wash him, and she took note of the bruises covering his body, of the finger marks on his hips and thighs, around his wrists, dark purple against his pale skin. There was a deep red mark in the shape of a mouth on one of his shoulders.

She didn't ask though, and he didn't offer to tell her, as she rubbed cream into his wounds, and bandaged any cuts.

Finally, when he lay tucked up in his old bed, she lay beside him, on top of the quilt, and he shifted close to her.

"I thought that was it," he said, his voice soft. "I thought I'd survived the Daleks and the Time Agency only to be done in by a couple of space pirates."

Rose closed her eyes, two tears sliding down her cheeks, into her hair.

"I'm sorry we didn't find you sooner," she whispered.

Jack opened his eyes.

"Hey," he said, reaching a hand out from under the covers to wipe at her tears. "You found me, didn't you?"

She sniffed.

"Well, the Doctor did really."

She saw the closed, hard look in his eyes when she mentioned the Doctor, and bit her lip.

"What happened, Jack?" she asked. "How did you survive? We thought you were dead."

Jack sighed.

"I don't know," he said. "I woke up in a glass prison with no memory of who I was or what I was doing there. They kept telling me I had killed people, lots of people, but I didn't know what they were talking about. I had this doctor." The faintest of sorrowful smiles crept across his lips. "He said he thought I was innocent, and did this thing, this operation or something, to get my memories back. I don't know how I survived. I remember the Dalek zapping me Rose, I remember what it felt like."

She stared at him.

"The Dalek zapped you? But you're still here?"

"Dominic said it could have been a false memory, but I don't think so. The next thing I remember was hearing the TARDIS engines, running around the corner to see it disappear."

"Oh Jack," she whispered, pulling him into her arms. "I'm so sorry. So, so sorry. If we'd have known for a moment that you were alive…"

Jack tried to laugh, but it sounded more like a sob.

"Hey, he did it, didn't he? He saved us all again." He pulled back from her then, to look into her face. "What happened, Rose? How did he survive? Why is he different?"

"He regenerated," she said, and after a moment she saw the light of understanding dawn in his eyes.

"The myth," he breathed. "It's true. He just keeps surprising, doesn't he?"

Rose smiled.

"Yeah, he does." She sighed. "I don't remember much of what happened on the satellite, Jack. The Doctor sent me home, and I was so angry with him. I tried to get the TARDIS to work. Mickey, my mum and I managed to pull the console open and then, then there was this light and this amazing singing. After that, I was back in the TARDIS and the Doctor started to regenerate. He said I looked into the heart of the TARDIS, whatever that means."

"What was it like?" he asked. "The regeneration?"

"Awful. He went all golden, then suddenly this completely unfamiliar head popped up. Then there was some kind of problem, and he spent all Christmas passed out in my mum's bed while some aliens tried to take over the world."

Jack laughed.

"Really?"

Rose smiled and nodded.

"Really. I was in the middle of making this speech to this auditorium of blood thirsty aliens, yammering on about Shadow Proclamations and all this, when he suddenly came out of the TARDIS in my mum's boyfriend's pyjamas and challenged them to a swordfight."

Her laughter died suddenly as she remembered how helpless she'd felt back then, when he'd changed. How Jack must be feeling now.

"It is still him, Jack. He may look different, but deep down, he's still the same Doctor."

Jack's eyes were far away, and Rose got the impression he wasn't ready to talk about it quite yet.

"Did they hurt you?" she asked softly. "The pirates?"

Jack's eyes were haunted, and for a moment she thought he might tell her everything, then his face closed off and he adopted a frozen smile.

"Nothing I can't handle," he said.

Rose pulled him back into her arms, and stayed with him until he slept, then quietly slipped from the bed, reminding herself of her mum as she made sure his quilt was tucked around him.

She went down to the TARDIS kitchen, and was surprised to find Evey sitting at the table, her head in her hands.

She had been crying, Rose could tell, but only smiled when she saw Rose.

"How is he?" she asked.

Rose shrugged.

"Tired, bruised. I think he'll be okay. Do you want some tea?"

Evey nodded, and Rose busied herself making two cups, adding extra sugar to hers.

"He's lucky," Evey said, when they were both sat down. "Lucky he's not a woman. Lucky they didn't do to him what they did to my sister."

Rose said nothing, though her suspicions were heavy and sickening in her stomach,

"How did you kill one?" she asked.

"Nail scissors," Evey replied. "I stabbed him through the eye and then the neck."

Rose gulped, but Evey only stared blankly into her tea.

"How old are you, Evey?"

"Fifteen," Evey whispered.

God, she was even younger than Rose had thought. She didn't deserve this.

"I'm so sorry."

"And I'm sorry for your friend. Just be thankful you found him in time."

Rose nodded, and Evey stood up.

"Is there somewhere I can sleep?"

Rose showed her to a spare room, then made her way slowly to the control room, where she had a feeling the Doctor would still be.

He was leaning over the screen, and didn't seem to notice her for a few moments.

"Doctor?"

"I'm devising a plan," he said, without looking up. "I think I might be able to tap into the worldwide screens they used for the Gamestation. What do you reckon, Rose? A stirring speech by the Prime Minister's only remaining daughter. Enough to call the remaining people of earth to arms?"

"Doctor," she said again, more firmly, and he stilled, hands white on the screen.

"How is he?" he asked.

"Sleeping. I explained everything as best I could. He doesn't really know what happened to him. I think he was confused, after everything that's gone on."

The Doctor nodded, eyes still on the screen.

"Did he say what they did to him?"

She hesitated, unwilling to share her suspicions. If they were true, she didn't think Jack would want anyone to know.

"No," she said finally. "Just beat him around a bit, I think."

"He's angry with me."

She stepped further into the room.

"He thought we'd just left him."

"You mean I just left him."

"Doctor…"

"But it's true, isn't it? I did. If I had just gone back…"

She bit her lip.

"He says he remembers hearing the TARDIS engines. That he just saw it disappear."

The Doctor looked up then, and she had never seen him so look desolate.

"Why couldn't I have waited? Just for a moment?"

"This isn't your fault. You couldn't have known. Nothing should have survived those Daleks…and we have him back now."

"Yes but at what price?"

Rose had no answer to that, and the Doctor sighed.

"We should go to bed, get some sleep."

"You never sleep," she said softly.

"I will tonight."

She nodded tiredly and left him, still bent over the screen, only to be woken an hour later by Jack, screaming as he woke from a nightmare.

She went to him and he clung to her, still half asleep, and she stayed with him through the night, determined that now, at least, she could be there for him.

* * *

tbc


	6. Part 6

_"On sleepless roads the sleepless go." -Hear You Me, Jimmy Eat World_

disc: don't own it

warnings: slash, non graphic non con

* * *

"So what do you think?"

Evey stared at him.

"I think it's a terrible plan! How on earth do you think it could possibly work?"

The Doctor sighed. It was early the next morning, and he was trying to convince Evey to go 'on the air', so to speak, and make a plea to any survivors of earth. Rose and Jack had still to emerge, but the Doctor had heard Jack screaming last night, and had a feeling they might be a while.

"They'll listen to you."

"I'm fifteen years old."

"But you're the daughter of a prominent leader. They'll feel angry about what happened to you. They'll fight back. There are more of them out there than you think Evey. They're hiding, scared, just like you were. They need someone to rally them, to show them that they're not alone. It doesn't have to be the end."

She glared at him.

"My family are dead. For me, it is the end."

The Doctor regarded her.

"And what about those who still have their families? Do you want them to go through the same thing you have? Because that's what will happen, Evey, if someone doesn't stop them. They won't give up. They'll find every man and kill him. They'll find every woman and rape her. They'll find every child and-"

"Stop!" she cried. "Just stop it!"

There was a moment of silence, then Rose cleared her throat, and the Doctor saw her standing in the doorway.

She'd probably heard what he'd said. Damn.

"I just came to get Jack some tea."

"I'll make it," Evey said, standing quickly and avoiding the Doctor's eyes.

Rose looked accusingly at him.

"Can I speak to you outside for a moment?"

He followed, with the distinct feeling that he was about to get what for.

"She is fifteen years old, for God's sake! What's wrong with you?"

He sighed.

"I know they'll listen to her, if she would only try."

"She has just lost her family. She watched them be killed. The last thing she needs is you badgering her about it, saying stuff like that to her!"

"I was only trying to-"

"I don't care," she snapped. "Just stop."

He looked at her carefully.

"Is he okay?"

She sighed, and didn't need to ask him who he was referring to.

"No, but he won't talk to me."

The Doctor hesitated.

"Should I…"

"I don't think that would be a very good idea. I think he just needs someone with him right now. Don't worry."

The Doctor nodded, and she walked back to the kitchen.

"And leave Evey alone!" she hissed.

He decided to let them get on with it, and wandered off to the control room, opening up the console and getting out his sonic screwdriver. He found that nothing comforted him more than tinkering with his beloved TARDIS, and quite literally lost track of the time, until several hours had passed and Evey's feet were standing in front of him.

"I'll do it," she said.

He blinked and pulled himself out from under the console.

"Pardon?"

"The speech, or whatever. I'll do it."

He stood, dusting his trousers off.

"And may I ask what changed your mind?"

She shrugged.

"It's like you said. How can I possibly live with myself if I let other people suffer in the same way. I couldn't. So I might as well try."

The Doctor nodded approvingly.

"Excellent. I'll set up then."

"What are you doing?" Rose demanded fifteen minutes later, when she came in to find he had pulled the screen off the console, and was re connecting several of the wires.

"Evey's decided to make a speech," he said happily. "She's going to try and help beat back the pirates."

Rose narrowed her eyes.

"You better not have talked her into it."

"I never said a word! I've been in here all morning." At her disbelieving look, he added "Ask her!"

Rose left, probably to do just that, he thought, and it was several more minutes before he heard the footsteps returning.

"Honestly Rose, I didn't say anything to her, so if you've come to have a go-"

He broke off mid sentence when he looked up and realised that it wasn't Rose there at all.

It was Jack.

"Hello," he said.

Jack stared at him for a moment, then nodded.

"You haven't changed that much then," he said, casting his eyes over the tangle of wires and the sonic screwdriver, still clasped in his hand.

"I haven't changed at all really. Except for, you know, the face. And my personality's a bit different. I can be quite rude actually. And I do tend to talk a lot more, but I haven't discovered yet if that's a good thing or a bad thing."

He laughed, then stopped when he saw the way Jack was looking at him.

"Do you…want to help?"

Jack took another few steps into the room.

"What are you doing?"

"Evey's going to make a speech to rally all the survivors and fight against the space pirates. I'm modifying the Tardis screen so it can be used as a sort of broadcasting point."

"Broadcasting to what?" Jack asked, coming to stand beside him.

"All the screens from the Gamestation. Brilliant, if I may say so myself?"

Jack didn't reply. He had a sort of far away look in his eyes, and when the Doctor focused on him properly, he could see the red cut under his left eye, and the bruise that wrapped around his cheek and the side of his head. He was holding himself stiffly, and when he moved, he winced, very slightly, in pain.

"How do you feel?" he asked softly.

"Do you know what you're doing?" Jack asked in reply, and the Doctor got the message.

"Not really," he admitted. He grinned. "But when did that ever stop me?"

Jack lowered himself slowly to sit on the floor beside the Doctor, and the Doctor pretended not to hear the sharp gasp of pain.

"So this kid," Jack said, as he reached to untangle some wires. "Is she really the Prime Minister's daughter?"

The Doctor nodded, pushing the heavy frames of his glasses up his nose.

"Yup. Her family were raped and murdered in front of her…" he trailed off as he saw the look on Jack's face. Apparently this new him wasn't very tactful either.

"And now you're going to help her save the planet and play hero," Jack said, the bitterness in his tone unmistakable.

The Doctor sighed.

"Jack," he tried. "I'm sorry. I really am so sorry. If I had known you were alive, I never would have left, I swear."

Jack looked at him. His blue eyes were tired, hurt.

"Didn't you think to come back and check?"

"Rose was hurt. I…I had to get her inside the TARDIS, I…"

He knew nothing he said could repair the pain he'd caused Jack.

"I know Rose comes first," Jack said, and the Doctor felt a heaviness in his stomach, because wasn't that true? Hadn't he always put Rose first?

"I know that," Jack continued. "But I guess I thought that…" he hesitated. "I don't know what I thought," he said finally.

He made to get up, but the Doctor reached out and grabbed his wrist, holding him still. Jack blanched at the rough gesture, a flash of fear in his eyes, and the Doctor gentled his touch, his thumb stroking across Jack's pulse point.

It was strange, regeneration. He never quite knew how it would change things he already knew, whether he would see more or less. With Rose he had seen less, he had lost the spark that he had felt between them before. But with Jack…

It was so typical of his new self to be having these thoughts and feelings at a completely inappropriate time.

"I am sorry," he managed to say, then forced himself to let go, trying not to take it too personally when Jack hurried from the room, without looking back.

Great. Just perfect.

* * *

Jack was lying in his old bed staring at the ceiling.

Rose had brought him yet another cup of tea and then left, giving him that slightly sorrowful look she wore when she thought he wasn't looking.

He knew she wanted to talk to him, but he wasn't sure if he could. He wasn't sure he could tell Rose exactly what the space pirates had done to him. He wasn't sure he could tell anyone.

There was a dull, throbbing pain in his lower back that reminded him constantly exactly what had happened to him. It wasn't the worst pain, but it was the one that brought a sickening flush of shame to his cheeks every time he felt it.

He had become a victim. He, Jack Harkness, who always took life by the horns, and never wasted time on what ifs or maybes. A victim.

And the way he reacted whenever the Doctor came near him was just ridiculous. It was true that at first he'd been angry, but the anger didn't explain that flash of panic he felt whenever the Doctor was in close proximity, or tried to touch him.

He remembered pushing him away last night, the look of shock on Rose's face. But how could he explain to her that he couldn't bear to be touched by another man now, and even if the Doctor wasn't strictly speaking a _man_, Jack still felt threatened by him.

Which was ridiculous. Because he was _the Doctor_.

Jack sighed and shifted under the covers.

And it wasn't just that. He was afraid, too, of his body's reactions to this new Doctor. Afraid of the way he'd noticed the sharp, handsome lines of his face, the brown of his eyes, his slim, athletic form. He was afraid of that.

Rose had told him to get some sleep, but he didn't want to close his eyes. He didn't want to dream again, because when he dreamed he was back in that room with the pirate standing over him, surrounded by dead people, nowhere to go, no way to escape.

He squeezed his eyes shut, then opened them again, trying to focus on another, better image.

Rose bathing him.

That was a nice thought. He'd long suspected that Rose wanted to see him naked. It was pity she'd had to see all the bruises too. Had she seen the finger marks on his legs? She must have seen the bite mark on his shoulder, you couldn't exactly miss it.

Rose wasn't stupid, and after what had happened to Evey's family…she must know, or at least suspect.

She must know.

He wondered if this changed her opinion of him. Did she think he was weak now? Jack, who couldn't defend himself against the space pirates, who let them…

No. He didn't let them. It wasn't like that.

"This isn't your fault," he said aloud, but his voice sounded thin and unconvincing to his ears.

He didn't want to sleep. He didn't want to dream.

He drank his tea, then got out of bed again, shrugging on his old dressing gown. He'd forgotten how much this place was home, how much he'd missed it.

He padded barefoot along the corridors, and stopped just outside the kitchen, hearing low voices inside.

"I don't know what to do. He just seems so tired and pale," Rose murmured. She sounded worn out, he realised guiltily.

"I don't know, Rose," the Doctor replied. He sounded exasperated. "He won't even let me touch him. How am I supposed to help him if he won't let me touch him? He'll barely even look at me, for God's sake! I just want to-" He broke off, and there was a sudden smashing sound of a glass being broken that made Jack jump. It sounded like the corridor at Foreline, when the wall exploded and the space pirates came crashing through. When the real nightmare began.

"Doctor!" gasped Rose.

"Fuck," the Doctor muttered, and Jack was surprised. He had never heard the Doctor swear before. That had always been more Jack's area.

"It's all gone wrong, hasn't it?" Rose asked, and she sounded young and afraid.

There was a long moment's pause, then he heard the rustle of movement, and a second later Rose's sobs.

"Shhh," the Doctor was murmuring. "It'll be okay. It'll be right again, we just have to give him time. He'll come back to us, Rose. We found him, didn't we? We went back for him. He knows how much we care. He knows."

Jack felt he had heard enough, and crept back the way he had come, slipping back into his room and locking the door before crawling back into bed.

The Doctor had said he needed time, but Jack wasn't sure even time could change this.

He was damaged now, and there was no going back from that.

He was damaged.

* * *

It took another day before the Doctor had managed to connect up the screen correctly. He said it was because the signals had all been scrambled, with the Daleks bombing everything, but Jack suspected maybe it was just he hadn't known what he was doing.

They were gathered in the control room, around the screen, and Evey was smoothing her blonde hair nervously.

Rose had found her some new clothes and she had washed, looking like an entirely different person.

Jack could see it now, could imagine her growing up in the spotlight, always aware that appearances are everything, that she couldn't let her guard down for a moment

She looked older, calm and collected, but Jack had a feeling she was shaking inside.

"We're ready," the Doctor said.

Evey nodded and stepped forward.

The Doctor pressed a button on the console. Evey took a deep breath, and began to speak.

"Hello. People of Earth, whoever is left. You may or may not know who I am. My name is Evelyn Worthing, I am fifteen years old. And I am the only remaining daughter of Prime Minister Jack Worthing of Great Britain.

The space pirates murdered my parents. They forced me to sit and watch as they raped then murdered my sister. I only managed to escape the same fate by killing one of them using a pair of nail scissors.

The space pirates are vicious. They are cold blooded murderers who will not stop. They will ravage our planet until there's nothing left, until there's no one left. They will not stop.

But they are not invincible. They have weaponry, yes, but so do we. We are the human race. We have stood up for ourselves time and time again. Why should today be any different? I will not stand by and let them destroy us.

Stand up and fight with me. There are many of you hiding, as I am. We need to stand up and fight together if we are to defeat this enemy. If we are to continue to live.

Gather your weapons, send up your flares and fight! Do it now! Fight with me!"

There was a flicker on the screen, and then it plunged suddenly into darkness.

"What's happening?" Evey asked. "I wasn't finished!"

"The transmitting signal's been cut off," the Doctor said grimly. "The pirates must have found a mains board."

"But no one's going to listen to that!" Evey cried. "It was pathetic! It wasn't stirring at all!"

"Don't be so sure," the Doctor replied. "Come on, to the observation deck."

Jack raised an eyebrow at Rose.

"The TARDIS has an observation deck?"

Rose grinned and took his hand.

"Come on."

They followed the Doctor and Evey to the observation deck, and Jack bit back a gasp as he entered the glass room, providing a spectacular view of the planet below.

He thought he might have enjoyed it even more if it didn't remind him so strongly of his cell at Foreline.

"See," the Doctor said. He was pointing at a tiny point red light on the planet's surface. As Jack watched another appeared, then another, dotted all over the place.

"They're sending up their flares!" Evey said, the excitement in her voice clear. "They're actually responding, I don't believe it!"

"It's amazing what a little hope can do."

Evey stared at the planet's surface a moment longer, watching as even more lights appeared, then turned to the Doctor.

"Well then. I guess it's time."

"We'll gather some weapons," the Doctor said. "And Rose, you'll need to get changed."

Jack saw Rose glance down at her skirt and pantyhose with a frown.

Evey was shaking her head, a sad smile on her face.

"No," she said. "This isn't your fight."

The Doctor stared at her, aghast.

"But I convinced you to do the transmission. Of course it's partly my fight. You need help."

"You've already helped me enough," she said. Her eyes moved over his shoulder, to Jack. "And you've got your own battles to fight."

Jack stiffened, and when the Doctor looked at him he could only meet his eyes for a second before looking away.

"But it's dangerous," the Doctor said.

"And if I die I get to be with my family. If I don't, I get to live."

"Are you sure you're only fifteen?"

Evey laughed.

"My dad did always say I was braver and wiser than his whole cabinet put together."

The Doctor was looking doubtful.

"But we can't just leave you."

"Yes you can. It's okay. I'm ready. Take me down to Earth."

The Doctor hesitated a moment longer, then left the room. Rose followed him, and Jack was about to do the same, when Evey's voice stopped him.

"I'm sorry they hurt you."

He turned to look at her. She didn't look so brave now. She looked young and small.

"I'm sorry they hurt your family."

She nodded.

"I guess that connects us. What a horrible connection to have."

Jack didn't know what to say that, and a moment later she slipped past him and out of the door.

Jack waited a moment, alone on the observation deck. Part of him wished he could just go away, that he could just leave. Part of him just wanted to be alone.

The TARDIS was shuddering and shaking around him, and he quickly followed the others to the control room. They landed just as he arrived, and Evey stepped toward the door.

"It's not too late," the Doctor said. "We can still go with you."

"Thanks but no thanks."

She hesitated, one hand on the door.

"Bye then."

She opened the door, stepped out, and was gone.

* * *

Rose swallowed back her tears as Evey shut the door behind her.

"Bye," she whispered.

For long moments no one spoke or moved.

"Right then," the Doctor said finally. "Where to now?"

No one said anything.

"Okay. How about The Garahart System? Completely covered in water. They live in little underwater bubbles. Good for swimming. Or perhaps we could go to Elaris. The three suns never set. You could get a nice tan, Rose." He half turned to Jack. "What do you think, Jack? Where do you want to go?"

Jack stared at him blankly.

"It doesn't matter," he said. "I don't care."

Rose bit her lip as she watched him walk slowly out of the control room.

The Doctor looked helplessly at her.

"I want to take him home," she said.

He sighed.

"I don't think Jack has a home."

"Not his home," she snapped, then winced, hearing herself. "I mean," she tried more gently, "my home. Just for a bit," she added, seeing his expression. "I just think it might be good for him. Just for a few days."

He looked at her intently.

"Do you really think it will help?"

"I don't know."

He sighed again.

"I suppose I'm in for a few days of Jackie's cooking then?"

She laughed.

"Shut it you. Now, you do your thing, and I'll tell Jack."

"My thing," he echoed doubtfully.

"Yeah, the whole driving us through time and space thing?" She shook her head. "Honestly."

She quickly made her way to Jack's room, knocking softly on the door.

"Jack, it's me. Can I come in?"

There was a moment's pause, then she heard the sound of a lock being drawn back.

Jack never used to bother locking his door. He liked to joke that eventually one of them would walk in on him naked, and then he would make their day.

He peered out at her, his face pale and drawn.

"We're going to my mum's for a bit," Rose said. "You'll need to pack a bag."

He nodded blankly, and her heart twisted, wishing there was something, anything she could do.

By the time she'd shoved her own stuff in a bag and gone back to the control room, they'd landed, and the Doctor was waiting impatiently.

"After you."

He gestured Rose through the door, and she stepped out onto the familiar estate she'd grown up on, greeted by the now familiar sight of Mickey running towards her at full pelt.

"Rose!" he yelled happily, throwing his arms around her and lifting her in a half circle.

She laughed, slightly giddy at seeing him again.

"What are you doing here?" he asked. "You only just left."

"Wait, what date is it?"

"December the 31st," Mickey replied. "You're just in time for New Year!"

She gave the Doctor a sideways glance, and he smiled slightly.

"Thought you might like that."

Mickey was staring at the Doctor, and Rose realised he still wasn't quite used to the Doctor's new appearance. Jack was standing in the doorway of the TARDIS, no longer bothered about being the centre of attention.

When Mickey's eyes landed on him next, Rose thought they might actually fall out of his head.

"I thought you were dead!"

"A lot of people have been thinking that lately," Jack said dryly, eyes flickering briefly towards the Doctor.

"But you're not," Mickey continued.

"We'd never have guessed," the Doctor muttered. "Not very clever your boyfriend, is he?"

"You're being rude again," Rose warned, but couldn't stop the smile that tugged at her lips.

"Well I'm sorry if it's taking me a minute to grasp this!" Mickey snapped. "But how does someone go from being dead to, well, not dead?"

Jack closed the TARDIS door and walked past them, stopping a little way off on his own.

Rose glared at Mickey, and the Doctor said "Brilliant. Really well done that. Thanks Mickey."

"What?" Mickey asked. "What did I say?"

Rose sighed.

"Jack's been through a bit of a hard time"

"Understatement," the Doctor interjected.

"Do you mind?" She turned back to Mickey. "He survived the Daleks, but we don't how because he lost his memory. They thought he'd killed the people on Satellite 5 and locked him up for it. When we eventually found him, he'd been kidnapped by space pirates who, well, aren't exactly known for their good manners."

Jack was still standing with his back to them, and Mickey shot him an uncertain look.

"So he doesn't remember anything?"

"He does now. He said his doctor did some sort of operation on him, but he still doesn't know how he survived on the space station."

Mickey shook his head.

"This is too much to take in."

"Just be gentle with him, okay?"

"Don't ask him stupid questions," the Doctor added.

Mickey scowled.

"At least this one doesn't call me Ricky," he muttered.

Rose saw the Doctor raise an eyebrow.

"I can if you like."

"Stop it," she said, but she was smiling. "Let's just get inside, shall we? Where's mum anyway? She usually hears the engines."

Mickey shrugged.

"Dunno. Haven't seen her much lately."

She reached for his hand.

"Come on. You can carry my bag."

The Doctor went over to Jack, and she noted that he didn't try to touch him.

"Jack, we're going inside."

Jack turned, looking a bit distracted.

"Sure."

They clambered up the stairs to the flat, and Rose opened the door without knocking.

"Hello?" she called. "Mum, it's me. You here?"

There was a bang from her mum's bedroom, then muffled swearing.

"Mum? Are you okay?"

"Don't come in!" her mum shouted.

Rose frowned.

"Are you alright?"

"I'm _fine_. I just…just wait a minute."

Rose glanced at the others. Mickey shrugged and the Doctor seemed to be hiding a smile. Jack was staring at a spot on the worn carpet, and didn't seem to be aware of anything.

The door opened and her mum came out in her dressing gown.

Rose opened her mouth, but any words died in her throat when Howard from the market emerged as well.

"Oh," was all she could manage.

"Oh indeed," huffed Jackie. "Showing up here without a moment's notice. This isn't a hotel you know." Her eyes landed on Jack. "And I see you've found another one. Let me look at you then. Your hair's dreadful."

Rose couldn't help but laugh.

"Hello mum."

"Oh hello sweetheart."

She gratefully fell into her mother's arms, and Jackie squeezed her tight, the embrace belying her harsh words.

"It's good to see you," Rose murmured.

"You too, darling. You too."

Jackie stepped back and smoothed her hair, and Rose shot a glance at Howard, who seemed to be a little flushed, and was intently avoiding everyone's eyes.

Rose tried not to shudder or imagine exactly what her mother and Howard had been doing when they walked in.

"So where did you find this one?" Jackie was asking, as she looked Captain Jack up and down.

"This is Captain Jack Harkness," the Doctor said with a little grin. He gave Jack a little nudge, towards Jackie, and Rose saw the way he stiffened before stepping forward.

"A pleasure to meet you ma'am," he murmured.

"Well, you're certainly nice looking enough. How long are you all staying then?"

"Just for a few days," Rose said. "We don't really know yet. We just thought it would be nice."

"And just in time for New Year!" Jackie was leading them all into the kitchen, reaching automatically for the kettle. "Ooh, we can have a big party! Let's invite all the neighbours round."

"Mum no," Rose said quickly. "We thought it might be nice just to have a quiet night in. Watch the fireworks on telly or something."

"We can't have that," Jackie protested. "Who knows when the next New Year I get to spend with you will be?"

"But we just want a quiet night," Rose said. "We've been through enough drama to last us at _least_ two weeks."

Jackie huffed as she reached for mugs, adding milk to each one.

"Well fine then, if that's what you want. But it seems a bit of a waste of you ask me."

Rose shot the Doctor a smile.

"Uh, Jackie?"

They all turned at Howard's tentative voice.

"I think I'd better be going. I'm just going to get dressed…"

He trailed off uncertainly, then quickly scurried back to the bedroom.

"Now look what you've done," Jackie said. "You've scared him away."

"Oh he'll be back." Rose waved a careless hand.

"And where am I going to put you all?" Jackie asked, exasperated. "We only have two beds!"

"Jack can sleep in my room," Rose said quickly. "The Doctor and I can sleep on the floor in here."

"Don't be silly," Jackie protested. "I'm sure he doesn't want you sleeping on the floor. I'll borrow that blow up mattress from Paula downstairs. They can both sleep on that."

"It's fine," Rose said, trying not to grit her teeth. "I don't mind the floor."

"It's okay," Jack said quietly. "I can sleep on the floor."

She looked at him. Jack couldn't even bear to have the Doctor touch him. How could he sleep on the same mattress as him?

"It's okay," she said. "I don't mind."

"I do," he snapped. "Don't treat me like that."

She stared at him.

"Like what?"

"A victim," he spat, then half turned from her, hiding his face.

"Can I use your bathroom?" he asked Jackie, and she nodded wordlessly, pointing down the hall.

Rose bit her lip as she watched him go, and felt her mother's hard stare.

"What was that about?" she demanded.

Rose sighed.

"Nothing mum. Just leave it, ok?"

"Well he doesn't seem to have a very good temper."

"He's been through a lot," the Doctor said, a cold edge to his voice.

Jackie opened her mouth, probably to ask what exactly been through, but a glare from Rose stopped her.

"It's personal," she said. "None of our business."

Jackie nodded, and Rose could tell she was dying to ask a million questions.

"Well, I supposed I'd better get tea on. Shepherd's pie alright? You're staying, aren't you, Mickey?"

"Actually, I can't."

Rose looked quickly at Mickey, unable to hide her disappointment.

"It's not that I don't want to," he added hurriedly. "It's just that I'm meeting up with the boys."

"Well I'm sure they'll understand if you cancel," Rose said.

"I can't," he said again shaking his head apologetically. "But I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?" He leant forward to give her a quick kiss before hurrying to the front door. On his way out, they heard him talking briefly to Howard, who then popped his head round the door.

"I'll be off then, Jackie. I'll give you a ring tomorrow."

A few seconds later the door banged shut.

"Jack's been a while," the Doctor said quietly. "I'll go and see if he's okay."

Rose watched him walk into the hallway, and repressed a sigh. Maybe this hadn't been such a good idea after all.

"Come on sweetheart," her mum said. "You can help me peel the potatoes."

Rose reached for the peeler and sat down at the table. She could feel Jackie watching her.

"So what's going on now then?" Jackie asked. "Between you two?"

"Between who?" she asked tiredly.

"You and the Doctor! You still, _you know_?"

"We never were, mum. And no, we're not now. It's different now. I don't feel like that way about him anymore."

Jackie came to sit beside her.

"But I don't understand. I thought he was the same person."

"He is. Sort of. But he's also different. It's hard to explain." She cast another glance at the hallway. "Besides, I don't think it's me he's particularly interested in anymore."

It took Jackie a moment to understand.

"What, you mean him and that captain?"

"I don't know," Rose said. "I mean, they're not, but, well, I've just seen the way the Doctor looks at him now. It isn't the same way he looked at him before."

"Well." Jackie sat back in her chair, looking amazed. "I never saw that one coming."

"Don't say anything," Rose said quickly. "Jack and the Doctor aren't exactly the best of friends right now."

"Why? What happened?"

"Jack thinks the Doctor left him behind," Rose said softly.

"And did he?"

Rose nodded, feeling suddenly very tired.

"Yeah," she said. "He did."

* * *

The Doctor hesitated outside the bathroom door, then knocked gently.

"Jack, it's me. You okay?"

"I'm fine," came the strained reply

"You don't sound fine."

"For God's sake, can't a man take a leak in peace?"

The Doctor knocked again, louder.

"Let me in," he demanded.

"Go away," Jack snapped.

The Doctor pulled his sonic screwdriver out of his jacket pocket and activated it. A moment later the door swung open.

Jack, sitting on the toilet seat, raised his head from his hands.

"That's cheating."

"Sorry," the Doctor said unapologetically, stepping into the room and closing the door behind him.

Jack dropped his head back into his hands.

"Please just go away," he murmured.

"You know I won't."

Jack laughed bitterly.

"You think your being anywhere near me is helping? Think again Doctor."

"Don't push me away," the Doctor said. "I came back for you, Jack. For _you_. Whether you like it or not, Rose and I care about you, and we're going to help you get through this."

"I don't know if I want to get through it anymore," Jack said.

"Don't."

The Doctor crossed the small room to the toilet, kneeling in front of it.

"Don't be stupid. This isn't a reason to give up. Look at Evey. She kept going. You have to too. You're not alone, Jack."

Jack smiled a sad, lost smile.

"I've been alone for a long, long time Doctor."

"Not anymore," the Doctor said firmly.

Jack met his eyes, and the Doctor stared right back, determined to show that he meant it, that he _was_ here for Jack. He wanted to kiss him, suddenly, a feeling so strong he almost reached out, swept away by it, but caught himself in time. That would definitely not help matters.

"I know you've been through a lot since Satellite 5," he said instead, "with the memory loss and the pirates." He waited a moment in case Jack wanted to elaborate, but Jack was staring determinedly at his hands. "But you can get past it. I promise."

"How can you promise something you know nothing about?" Jack asked harshly. He stood up, pushing past the Doctor to the door. "Do me a favour, okay? Don't try to understand me."

The Doctor let him leave, a heaviness in his stomach.

He sat with Rose and Jackie as they made tea, and Jack watched the TV, after Rose found him an episode of The Simpsons, something he'd loved when Rose had first introduced him to it. He wasn't roaring with laughter now though, and when they all finally sat down at the table, dinner was a strained affair.

Jack picked at his food, and when Rose told him to eat something he snapped at her.

The Doctor hurriedly launched into a story about the time he saved the Ananakloogans from certain death, and everyone was just relieved the silence was filled.

Afterwards, he helped Rose blow up the borrowed double mattress, while Jack did the washing up with her mum in silence.

The atmosphere in the flat was tense and difficult, and the Doctor was quite relieved when Rose and Jackie went to bed, leaving him and Jack alone in the living room.

Jack was laying a borrowed quilt down on his side of the mattress, and the Doctor turned to him with hard eyes.

"This has got to stop."

Jack didn't look up.

"I don't know what you mean."

"Oh, of course you don't. You have got to stop being such an idiot, Jack. You have to talk to us, for heaven's sake. You might as well still be dead! Maybe we shouldn't have bothered coming back for you!"

Jack froze at that, and for a moment the Doctor thought he'd gone too far, but when Jack looked at him his eyes were blazing, and the Doctor felt a spark of inner victory. It was anger, but it was _something_.

"Oh, so now we get to the truth, Doctor. Now we get to the reason I was abandoned on that satellite in the first place. Because you didn't really want me to come with you anyway. So why did you bother coming back, huh?"

The Doctor stared at him in disbelief.

"That's what you think?"

"Admit it. You never really liked me anyway. I'll bet it just _burned_ when you realised you had to go back, because it was the _right_ thing to do. New face, new life, oh, same old Jack. Damn, what do we have to do to get rid of him?"

"Jack, stop it."

"I was never really good enough for your band of merry men, was I? The only reason you let me on board your precious ship was because Rose practically forced you too. I'm sure all that time you were just wishing you could drop me out of an airlock somewhere."

"Stop it!" the Doctor cried again, grabbing Jack by both the arms and shaking him, once. "Just stop it. That's not true, and you know it. Stop."

Their faces were inches apart.

"You left me," Jack said. "You got in your TARDIS, and you left me. They were going to execute me, if I was guilty. And let's face it, who was going to believe a story about a million Daleks invading and then disappearing into thin air? I would have been murdered if those space pirates hadn't come." His face twisted. "And you know what? I wish I had been. I would rather have died than be taken by them."

"Don't say that," the Doctor hissed, gripping his arms tightly. "Don't fucking say that."

Jack laughed mirthlessly.

"But it's true. And you would finally get your wish, Doctor. You'd be rid of me."

"Don't say that! I care about you!"

"You left me! And you didn't look back! You LEFT ME!"

Jack wrenched his arms free and shoved the Doctor, hard, before following with his fists, and the Doctor let him, barely feeling the harsh blows, until he could pull Jack against him tightly, wrapping his arms around the other man.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I'm so fucking sorry."

Jack held onto him with bruising fingers, as if the Doctor was the only thing stopping him from collapsing, and let out muffled sobs against the Doctor's chest.

"I hate you," he whispered. "I hate you for making me care."

The Doctor blinked at the words, but Jack was already pushing him away and getting into bed, his back to the Doctor.

The Doctor unzipped his sleeping bag, and slowly lay down on the mattress beside him, watching Jack lie still, his back and shoulders tense.

He wanted to reach out and touch him, to reassure him that he wasn't going anymore. But he was scared what the reaction would be, and in the end only closed his eyes and pretended to sleep, electrically aware of Jack's presence, only a finger's breadth away.

* * *

tbc 


	7. Part 7

_"On sleepless roads the sleepless go." -Hear You Me, Jimmy Eat World_

disc: don't own it

warnings: slash, non graphic non con

* * *

Jack was screaming.

He struggled against the hands holding him down, at the hands ripping at his clothing. This wasn't happening, not to him. Not to him.

There was heavy weight on his chest, and he couldn't breathe, and he knew he was going to die. He was going to suffocate, or die from the pain of being ripped apart from the inside…

His eyes snapped open, the scream dying in his throat, and he shoved desperately at the weight on him.

"Let me go! Let me go!"

The Doctor immediately sat back, removing his hand from Jack's chest, and Jack half turned away from him, his own hand on his breastbone, trying to steady his breathing.

"Jack."

He felt a hand brush his shoulder, and jerked reflexively away.

"Don't touch me!"

He took more deep breaths, trying to reassure himself that he was okay, that he was in Rose's flat with the Doctor, that there were no space pirates. He was okay.

There was a shifting behind him, then the sound of a tap running. A few moments later the Doctor handed him a glass of water and he drank a few sips, wincing at the rawness in his throat.

"Shall I get Rose?" the Doctor asked, voice low, and Jack shook his head.

He hated being seen like this, he wished the Doctor would go away.

"I'm alright," he said, his voice rough. "I'm okay."

He could feel the Doctor behind him, hovering, and finally sat back onto the mattress, so the Doctor could see him.

"I'm fine, it was just a dream."

The Doctor raised an eyebrow.

"Some dream."

"I don't want to talk about it."

The Doctor was quiet for a moment.

"You can, you know. I'll listen."

"I said I don't want to talk about it," Jack snapped.

Without waiting for a reply, he got up and went into the bathroom, locking the door behind him.

He washed his face with cold water, then looked blankly in the mirror, at the haunted eyes and drawn face that stared back at him.

That had been a bad one. He had felt like he was back in that room, those fucking pirates on top of him. And mixed in had been those stupid, stupid words that wouldn't stop haunting him. That didn't even belong in the dream. _I love you. Hold onto that._

God, he hated what this was doing to him. He didn't even recognise himself anymore. The old Jack would never have let something like this defeat him. He would have got on with it, gotten over it. He would have gone to visit the Garahart System, and he would have joined in with the Doctor's stories about the Ananakloogans. He certainly wouldn't have hesitated to flirt with the new Doctor, or Rose's mum, or even Mickey the idiot.

He hated that he didn't seem to know who he was.

There was a soft knock on the door.

"Jack?" Rose's voice floated through. "You okay?"

"I'm fine. Just needed to pee."

There was a slight pause.

"Are you sure?"

"Rose please. Just go back to bed, okay?"

He heard her hesitate some more, then her footsteps leading away, and her bedroom door closing.

When he came out, the Doctor was leaning against the opposite wall, regarding him carefully.

"You know she's only concerned about you."

"No more," Jack said. "Not tonight."

He made to go past him, but the Doctor grabbed his wrist.

"You're not being fair," he said. "You're punishing her for something I did to you."

"I'm not punishing anyone."

"But you are Jack. Because you've frozen us out and now we don't know what to do."

Jack stared past him, at the wall.

"I'm just so tired," he whispered, and he felt like something inside of him was breaking. "I just want it all to go away."

The Doctor sighed.

"Come on."

Jack didn't have the strength to protest as the Doctor placed a gentle arm around him, steering him in the direction of the living room.

He let the Doctor put him back to bed, and found himself almost shuffling closer to him, seeking the warmth of another body in the aftershocks of his nightmare.

He felt the Doctor's hesitation, then an arm carefully curling around him.

"Is this okay?" the Doctor asked.

Jack nodded against his hair.

"Yeah," he murmured. "It's okay."

Something had changed between them. Jack wasn't sure what or even how, but he thought maybe the Doctor was right. This couldn't go on.

* * *

When Rose got up the next morning, the first thing she saw when she wandered into the living room was Jack and the Doctor.

They were curled up together on the double mattress, the Doctor on top of the covers, Jack underneath. The Doctor's arm was around Jack, and Jack's head was so close to the Doctor's, the Doctor's hair brushed his cheek.

She'd heard them shouting last night, heard Jack wake screaming from his nightmares. Then Jack had gone into the bathroom, and after that it was quiet again.

Rose wasn't sure how she felt now, as she watched them lie there together. She'd pretended to be fine last night when her mum asked, but truthfully, she found it a little weird.

Hadn't the Doctor always been _her_ Doctor? And now would he be Jack's Doctor? It just didn't seem right.

She made cups of tea as quietly as she could, then carried two into the living room, setting one down so she could shake the Doctor awake. He hadn't been sleeping deeply, and opened his eyes as soon as her hand touched his shoulder. She wondered if he'd been asleep at all.

She nodded to Jack, in his arms.

"Should I wake him?"

The Doctor shook his head.

"Let him sleep. He had a rough night."

She nodded and stood up, trying to ignore the twinge in her chest when the Doctor dropped a gentle kiss onto Jack's forehead, before carefully extracting himself.

Jack shifted a bit, but didn't wake up, and the Doctor took the mug from her, following her back into the kitchen.

"Is he okay?" she asked, when they'd sat down. "I heard him have a nightmare last night. And you were both shouting."

"I don't know," the Doctor said tiredly, staring into his tea. "I think I may have broken some walls down last night, but I honestly don't know. He still won't talk about what happened to him."

Rose bit her lip. She should tell him. She should tell him about the finger marks on Jack's hips, about the bite mark on his shoulder. They way he'd constantly rubbed his lower back after they found him. She should tell him.

But she knew, without a doubt, that that was the last thing Jack would want her to do. If he hadn't told them himself, then he didn't want them to know, simple as that.

Except it wasn't simple. Not at all.

"Maybe he just needs more time," she suggested. "It's only been a few days."

The Doctor looked far away.

"He's so different," he murmured. "It's almost like he isn't the same person."

"He is the same. He's just been through a lot. Don't start pushing him."

"I wasn't planning on it."

"You know, if you guys are gonna talk about me, you could at least make sure I'm actually asleep."

Rose whirled around at the sound of Jack's amused drawl, flushing.

"You're awake."

A shot her a wry grin.

"That's what I just said."

"And you're smiling," she said, then winced. Subtle.

Jack shrugged.

"Yeah well. I slept better last night."

He shot the Doctor an almost imperceptible glance, but Rose caught it.

So she'd been right.

Then Doctor grinned and pushed a mug of still hot tea towards him.

"Drink up. Lots to do today."

"What are we doing?" Rose asked.

"I thought we might go shopping, now you've got your trusty shopping partner back."

"On New Year's Eve?" Rose asked. "You must be joking. Nope, the only thing I plan on doing today is watching lots of TV." She mock glared at him. "You can travel through time and space but you can't get an episode of Eastenders? What sort of useless is that?"

She gave them a sideways look around her hair.

"Although, if you happened to be in town and wanted to pick me up a few things…"

Jack rolled his eyes.

"Alright. We'll go. Let you watch your primitive 21st century television in peace."

She pretended to throw a piece of toast at him.

"Well you'd better hurry up if you want the shower. They'll be no hot water left by the time my mum's finished in there."

"That sounds like my cue," Jack said, and headed towards the bathroom.

"Towels in the airing cupboard!" Rose called after him.

She looked at the Doctor.

"He seems good, better."

He nodded.

"Now we just have to see how long it lasts."

* * *

Jack had come to a decision.

Standing there, in the shower, he knew exactly what it was he had to do. He had woken up calmer this morning, the idea already in his mind, and as he listened to Rose and the Doctor talk, he'd summoned the strength to get out of bed, to act normal, to show them a flash of the old Jack.

Now, as he washed his hair, he realised that after this there would be no turning back.

The Doctor took Jack out shopping, as they had promised Rose, and squinted at the long list she'd given him.

"Good grief. We might need an elephant to carry this back," he joked, as they got off the bus. (Rose had insisted they use public transport instead of the TARDIS. He wasn't sure why. Something to do with 'experiencing the culture.' Ha. The Doctor had experienced culture Rose couldn't even dream of.)

Jack was looking around distractedly.

"Jack?"

He walked a little way down a packed Oxford Street, then turned to the Doctor.

"Come on."

"But Rose wants us to go to Topshop…"

The Doctor trailed off uncertainly. Something was wrong here. Jack loved Topshop.

"Later," Jack said, and the Doctor had no choice but to follow him.

They wove their way through several narrow streets leading off the main one, and Jack stopped outside a dingy looking pub.

"Thirsty?"

"A little early, isn't it?"

Jack shrugged and went inside. The Doctor followed with a sigh.

They bought drinks and Jack led him to a table in the corner. It didn't escape the Doctor's notice that the pub was quiet and secluded, that their table, hidden behind a large plant, offered them some privacy.

Jack was tapping his fingers on the table top.

"What's going on?" the Doctor asked.

"Would you do something for me, Doctor. Something very important, that only you can do?"

The Doctor regarded him carefully.

"Depends what it is."

Jack was silent for a long moment.

"I need you to find me a way off this planet."

The Doctor stared at him.

"So I'm guessing you don't want me to come with you."

Jack stubbornly avoided his eyes.

"Oh I see. You don't want us anymore."

"It's not like that," Jack snapped.

"Then what is it like?" the Doctor asked. "Believe it or not Jack, we came back for you because we wanted to, because we care about you and we wanted you with us."

"What about what I want?" Jack asked. "Maybe I didn't want you to come back for me. Maybe I just want you to leave me alone!"

There was a tense pause.

"Please," Jack said finally. "If you want to help me, find me a way out of here. Just let me go."

The Doctor tried to keep his face impassive as he struggled with his feelings.

He didn't want Jack to go, he didn't want him to leave, and it was selfish, yes, but after last night he had been hoping that maybe Jack wouldn't want to go either.

"You can't just go," he said, and was ashamed to hear the slight desperation in his own voice.

"I'm leaving Doctor," Jack said. "With or without your help. But it would be a hell of a lot easier with it."

The Doctor looked at him, and he recognised the old Jack, the Jack who was stubborn and determined and wouldn't let anyone get in his way.

"Okay," he said. "I'll help you."

What choice did he have?

* * *

By the time the Doctor got back to Rose's, it was early evening, and each step he took was heavy and disheartened.

He opened the door and was immediately assaulted by a wave of noise, of Rose and her mum having an argument, of more female voices in the background.

A moment later, Rose stomped out into the hallway, looking annoyed.

"I told her we wanted to have a quiet night in, but did she listen? Now she's invited practically the whole neighbourhood round!" She frowned, looking past him. "Where's Jack?"

He wasn't sure how to tell her.

"He's gone," he said finally.

Rose looked unsure.

"Gone where?"

He shrugged, trying to seem nonchalant.

"Not sure. Somewhere. He didn't want to say."

She took a step toward him, her tone dangerous.

"Doctor? What have you done?"

He sighed.

"I let him go."

"What do you mean you let him go? Let him go where? He can't have just gone!"

"He has."

"Then go and find him! Bring him back!"

"I can't."

"Yes you can! He belongs here, with us. Why did you let him go anywhere?!"

"What did you expect me to do, Rose?" he shouted. "Did you expect me keep watching him, day after day, with that tired, pained expression on his face? Did you expect me to refuse him anything he asked of me? What should I have done?"

He wanted it to go away. He wanted Jack here, not half the way across the universe. Everything was wrong.

Rose was crying, and he opened his arms to her, folding her into his embrace.

"I'm sorry," he murmured. "I'm so sorry. I didn't know what else to do. I couldn't make him stay."

She nodded against his chest.

"I know," she sobbed. "I just want everything to be how it was before."

"Me too," he whispered. "Me too."

Eventually, she dried her tears and they went into her room, sitting on the bed.

"So what happened?" she asked.

"He asked me to do a scan for alien tech," he said. "There was a signal, south from here, near Plymouth. Probably a traveller, like us. He said he was going to see if he could hitch a ride."

"And that was it?"

He nodded, feeling empty.

"He didn't even say goodbye, not properly."

Last time they'd had to say goodbye Jack had kissed him. This time he'd given him a sideways look, muttered 'thanks' and walked away.

"I didn't think you knew how to scan for alien tech," Rose murmured, but the Doctor couldn't bring himself to bother replying.

"He's not coming back now, is he?" she asked.

He shook his head.

"No, I don't think he is."

She looked at him then, her eyes glassy with tears.

"You cared about him, I mean, _really_ cared."

It wasn't a question, but the Doctor answered anyway.

"I think I may have. But now I'll never know."

She turned away, and he saw the flash of pain, of rejection, on her face.

He wanted to tell her he was sorry, to explain that he couldn't help it, he just felt differently now, his body reacted differently, but didn't have the chance before she turned back to him with a watery smile.

"Well I'm sorry for you."

"Thanks."

He thought he might be having a bit of a surreal moment.

Rose was telling him she was sorry he hadn't had a chance to cop off with Jack, even though he'd been sort of in love with her a few weeks ago, because Jack had decided he was too depressed to be around them anymore after he lost his memory and was kidnapped by space pirates.

It was like an episode of that awful programme Rose was always ogling the boys on. What was it? The O.C.?

"And now we have this stupid party," Rose said. "It doesn't seem like there's much to celebrate if you ask me."

The Doctor nodded in agreement.

"At least you get to spend the evening with Mickey," he pointed out.

Rose sighed.

"Yeah. But he's been acting a bit weird. Sort of secretive. I think he's seeing someone."

"Ah. You alright with that?"

She shrugged.

"I don't suppose I have a right not to be. I can't expect him to put his life on hold for me." Her eyes darkened slightly. "He'd just better not be bringing her tonight."

"Or him," the Doctor put in helpfully.

Rose snorted.

"Doubt it."

"Well, you never know."

She laughed.

"I can just imagine it now, Mickey with that bloke from Queer as Folk. You know, that one who always wears pink t shirts and likes to plan parties?"

The Doctor gave her a blank look.

"You've lost me."

"Yeah, I'm not surprised. It's more Jack's sort of thing."

Her smile faded, as she realised what she'd just said.

"Well," the Doctor said brightly. "Best go out there and help your mum. After all, she's throwing us a party, seems rude not to."

Rose nodded.

"I'll be out in a minute."

The Doctor shut the door behind him, and for a moment just leant against the wall, battling his emotions. He wasn't supposed to feel like this. He wasn't supposed to feel anything.

Last night, Jack had said he hated him, hated him for making him care.

The Doctor was beginning to understand what he meant.

The evening wore on, and he helped Jackie put frozen vol au vaunts and mini quiches in the oven.

Rose came out a bit later, dressed in a floaty green dress with her hair pinned up, and her mum oohed and aahed over how lovely she looked.

People arrived, and Rose's mum didn't introduce him as Rose's boyfriend once.

All in all, things were going okay.

Until Mickey turned up, that is.

He was late, past half eleven by the time he got there. Rose had been trying to reach him on his mobile, but it was switched off.

When he walked in the door, the Doctor watched Rose's face light up, then a massive smile exploded as she caught sight of the figure behind him.

"Oh my God! Shireen!"

She enveloped the other girl in a huge hug, and it wasn't until she'd stepped back that the Doctor got a good look at her.

She was a thin, Indian girl, with straight black hair and a slightly large nose. The Doctor thought she looked nervous, and her eyes kept flitting between Rose and Mickey.

"Doctor!" Rose cried excitedly. "This is my best mate, Shireen. Shireen, this is the Doctor."

Shireen stared at him.

"Doctor Who?" she asked.

For once, Rose grinned at the question.

"Just the Doctor. We've been travelling together."

"Yeah I know. He's your new boyfriend, isn't he?"

"Oh, and we were doing so well," the Doctor muttered.

"Quiet you," Rose replied. "He's not my boyfriend."

Shireen looked slightly put out.

"Oh. Mickey said…"

"Don't believe anything Mickey says," Rose protested with a laugh, shooting Mickey a glance. The Doctor noticed he was rubbing his palms on his jeans.

"Come on," Rose said, taking Shireen's arm. "Let's go and get a drink."

Shireen shot Mickey a slightly desperate look over her shoulder as Rose practically dragged her into the living room.

Mickey stood awkwardly in the hallway with the Doctor.

"So, what's going on between you two, then?"

"Nothing!" Mickey snapped defensively.

"Going off with her best friend. Not exactly a smart move, is it?"

Mickey glared at him.

"Not that it's any of your business. Besides, what does she expect me to do? Sit around and wait for her forever? She's out there with _you_."

He almost spat the last word out, and the Doctor was slightly taken aback by his aggression.

"You do know there's nothing going on between us, don't you?"

Mickey scoffed.

"She's in _love_ with you."

The Doctor shook his head.

"You've got it completely wrong, Mickey. And even if she did love me before, she doesn't now."

Mickey looked confused.

"But you're the same person."

"Well yes. But also, no. I'm still the Doctor, but I'm not the same Doctor I was before. I have different thoughts, attitudes, feelings. And believe me, it's not Rose I'm interested in."

Mickey was giving him a sideways look.

"And Rose?"

"She understands," he replied, fairly certain that he was telling the truth. After all, Rose knew how he felt about Jack, didn't she?

_Not that that's exactly an issue anymore_, he thought sadly.

"I do love her," Mickey said softly. "But I can't keep waiting around for her."

The Doctor hesitated.

"The offer still stands, you know. You could come with us."

But Mickey was already shaking his head.

"Na. I don't think I'd enjoy it too much. I'm not like you and her."

He bit his lip for a minute, watching Rose laugh with Shireen, then blinked suddenly.

"Hey, where's Captain Innuendo?"

The Doctor kept his face impassive.

"Jack's gone."

"Gone where?"

"Oh, I don't know. Probably somewhere far across the universe where there are lots of men, women and unidentified genders that he has yet to seduce."

He tried to keep his tone light, but knew he was failing miserably. Mickey was watching him closely.

"But I thought you said he was all messed up and stuff. That that was why you'd come here, to give him a bit of a rest."

"He was," the Doctor said softly. "I suppose we just couldn't help him anymore."

Mickey didn't reply to that, and the Doctor forced himself to smile cheerfully.

"Well, we'd better go and join them. It'll be midnight in ten minutes."

Mickey winced.

"Yeah, and I promised Shireen I'd tell Rose about me and her before then."

"Rather you than me. Good luck."

Mickey gave him a rueful smile, and they went into the living room, accepting a glass of fizzy wine each from Jackie.

The Doctor just fiddled with his, never having had much a taste for Earth alcohol, and watched as Mickey squared his shoulders and walked up to Rose, taking her into a corner.

They stayed there for five minutes, and then suddenly Rose looked up at Shireen, her eyes blazing.

"Oh," the Doctor muttered to no one in particular. "Here comes trouble."

Rose marched up to Shireen, her hands on her hips.

"So, is it true?"

Shireen shot Mickey a nervous glance.

"Yeah," she said. "It is."

Rose was staring at her disbelief.

"But you're my _best mate_."

Shireen bit her lip.

"Rose, it wasn't-"

"What? Were you just waiting for a chance?" Rose interrupted. "Just waiting to sink your claws into him?"

"Hey!" Mickey protested from behind her, but both girls ignored him.

"You left Rose," Shireen snapped. The room had gone suddenly quiet. "You left him and didn't even tell him why! What did you expect him to do? Remain miserable and lonely until you'd decided you'd had enough of your sugar daddy over there and come crawling back to him?"

"Hey!" This time it was the Doctor protesting, but no one even bothered looking in his direction.

"Oh and I suppose you just _conveniently_ happened to be there for him?"

"Yeah, actually I was."

Jackie stepped hesitantly forward.

"Girls, it's almost midnight. Perhaps you could just-"

"Mum, stay out of this," Rose snapped. She glared at Shireen, her hand tightening on her wine glass. "There's only one thing I have left to say to her anyway."

And with that, she tossed her glass of cheap sparkling wine in Shireen's face.

There was a collective gasp from around the room, then a moment of tense silence as Shireen calmly wiped the drink out of her eyes.

Rose stared defiantly at her, daring her to retaliate.

"You bitch," Shireen said, then she launched herself at Rose.

Pandemonium broke out.

Rose and Shireen were rolling around on the floor, Shireen with a fistful of Rose's hair and Rose trying to bite Shireen's arm, while Jackie ran around them in a circle, screaming at them to stop. Mickey tried to break them apart, but only succeeded in getting hit in the nose, which then started to bleed, and someone decided it would be a good idea to throw more fizzy wine at them all.

The Doctor was actually quite enjoying himself, and almost missed the sound of the door opening in the hullabaloo.

He turned, and found Jack framed in the doorway.

The noise of the fight faded to a dim racket as Jack took a few steps towards him, looking tired and nervous as hell.

"Hi," he said.

The Doctor gaped at him.

"I thought you were-"

"Yeah, me too. I couldn't."

He took a few more steps down the hallway, and the Doctor moved forward too, going to meet him.

"What made you change your mind?"

Jack shrugged.

"I don't know. I guess I didn't want to leave you, not really." He looked hesitant. "I never did thank you, for coming back for me. For rescuing me." He grimaced slightly. "Wow, makes it sound like you're my knight in shining armour."

The Doctor laughed and closed the distance between them, standing close to Jack, but not touching him.

"I'll be glad to do it, anytime."

Jack smiled, exhaustedly.

"Guess it's finally time to stop running away then."

He blinked suddenly, looking past the Doctor, to the noise in the living room.

"What's going on in there? Sounds like a bullfight."

The Doctor grinned.

"Rose just found out her best mate's been going out with Mickey. She threw wine on her."

Jack's eyes sparkled in a way the Doctor hadn't seen for a while.

"Can we go and watch?"

They stood in the doorway, and no one looked up at their presence, engrossed in the fight which was still going on. Mickey was now sitting on the settee, groaning and holding his nose, which had spurted blood all down the front of his white t-shirt. Jackie was pulling on one of Shireen's hands, the other of which was still wrapped in Rose's hair. Rose's arm was around Shireen's neck, trying to keep her on a choke hold, but Shireen kept kicking her in the shins.

"Wow," Jack murmured.

"Yeah," the Doctor agreed.

On the TV, they were reporting live from Westminster, showing the huge, glowing face of Big Ben, then panning out to the crowds on the street, who were standing in a huge circle in Parliament Square, all linking arms and shouting "Ten! Nine! Eight! Seven!"

"The countdown," Jack murmured.

He turned to look at the Doctor, and the Doctor realised how close they were.

"Six! Five!"

Shireen was screaming as Rose started pulling _her_ hair.

"Four! Three!"

Mickey was moaning, and Jackie, having given up on the girls, was trying to stop his nose bleeding.

"Two! ONE! Happy New Year!!"

"Happy New Year," Jack said.

"Happy New Year," the Doctor replied.

They kissed, a gentle, brief touch of lips on lips, but the Doctor felt it all the way down to his toes.

"Does this mean you're staying then?" he asked.

Jack nodded, smiling, but his eyes were serious.

"Yeah," he said. "I'm staying."

On the TV, Big Ben finished chiming. The Doctor saw Jackie look up.

"Oh," she said. "We missed it."

The Doctor grinned.

He hadn't missed anything.

* * *

tbc 


	8. Part 8

_"On sleepless roads the sleepless go." -Hear You Me, Jimmy Eat World_

disc: don't own it

warnings: slash, non graphic non con

* * *

It was about two o clock in the morning, and Jack and Rose were lying on Rose's bed, Jack's head buzzing from a few too many drinks. She had changed from her green dress (now covered in wine, blood and a rip in the sleeve) into her pyjamas, and her hair was loose round her shoulders.

After Rose and Shireen had finally stopped fighting, Shireen had marched out of the flat with Mickey in tow. He'd called to Rose that he would try ringing her, and she'd told him to fuck off.

She had spent the rest of the night sat in a corner with Jack, drinking and telling him how much she'd missed him.

Everyone else had left about one, and Jackie had gone to bed without a word to any of them. They'd spent a while clearing up the kitchen, then Rose and Jack had left the Doctor trying to get blood out of the carpet and gone into Rose's room to talk.

Jack knew he finally had to tell her, that he couldn't keep it all inside anymore.

"I don't know how to say it," he admitted.

"Just start at the beginning," Rose said.

Jack blew out a breath, and tried to remember where the beginning was.

"I had this doctor, in prison. He sort of fell in love with me." He smiled wistfully. "He had the loveliest brown eyes." How did he tell her about Dominic? That Jack had almost felt like he was falling in love with him too, right up to the moment he got his memory back. Then all he had felt was empty, when he realised that that was who he was. He fell in and out of love several times a day. It didn't mean anything. "They killed him," he said instead. "I saw him as they were taking me away."

She touched his arm gently.

"What did they do to you?"

"You know. I know you know. How could you not, after you saw…"

She bit her lip.

"I suspected," she admitted. "But I didn't want to believe…"

Jack licked his lips, suddenly dry.

"There were three of them" he said. "Two of them held me down while the other one-"

He broke off, unable to say it, but could tell Rose understood from her expression.

He took a deep breath, fighting the tightness in his throat.

"They took turns, and then locked me up in a room with some dead people. But one of them came back, on his own. I was too weak, I couldn't fight." He squeezed his eyes shut. "I just lay there and let him-"

"No. This is not your fault, don't even say that." Rose's voice was firm, grounding him, and he felt her arms go around him, holding him close.

"I'm not going to pretend to even imagine what you're going through," she said, her voice warm next to his ear. "But I am going to do everything I can to help you. I promise. We'll get through it together."

He nodded against her neck, her hair soft against his cheek.

"I know," he murmured. "I know we will. We're going to be okay. I'm going to be okay."

She held him a few moments longer, then drew back, stroking her thumbs over his cheeks the way a lover might, soft and careful.

"What about the Doctor?" she asked.

"He doesn't know. I'll tell him when I'm ready, but for now…"

"I get it. Mum's the word." She looked slightly hesitant. "He cares about you, you know."

Jack nodded.

"Yeah I know."

"And?" she prompted.

He sighed.

"I don't exactly think I'm ready to think about sex again yet, Rose." He frowned. "Wow, that sounded weird."

Rose smiled.

"I'm not just talking about sex," she said. "After all, this _is_ the Doctor we're talking about."

"I know. And I know I have…_feelings_ for him. It's just too much. Not now." He glanced at her. "But what about you anyway? Don't you want to…?"

"Well, I wouldn't be being honest if I didn't say I wasn't a teeny bit jealous." She shrugged. "But it's all different now anyway. Just as long as I don't become a third wheel or anything."

Jack hugged him against her.

"Never."

Not that he'd be willing to admit it, but he had been slightly worried about Rose's reaction to the idea of him and the Doctor. And just because he wasn't ready right now, didn't necessarily mean he wouldn't be in the near future. That brief kiss had shown exactly what kind of reaction the Doctor could stir in him, and Jack was rather interested in exploring it in a bit more detail.

He relaxed, Rose's presence soothing beside him. He was safe here. _Safe_.

"I thought I was hallucinating," he murmured, and Rose tilted her head questioningly. "When he first came," he explained. "I was sick and in so much pain. I know it hadn't been very long, but I'd already resigned myself to the fact that I wouldn't be getting out of there. I was too weak to do it on my own, and Dominic was dead. He was the only person I thought would care enough, that would even know where I was. I didn't recognise him, but when he said you'd sent him, God Rose. I didn't want to hope. I was afraid I was imagining it all."

Rose sighed and shifted closer to him.

"I'm just so sorry we didn't find you sooner. Then you wouldn't have to be going through all this."

There was a soft knock at the door, and a moment later the Doctor poked his head round.

"Alright in here?" he asked.

Jack stiffened, then forced himself to relax. It was just the Doctor.

Rose yawned.

"Do you need any more help?" she asked.

He shook his head.

"Nope. Just about done. I'm going to go to bed."

He looked hesitantly at Jack.

"Are you, uh, sleeping in here?"

Jack felt Rose nudge him in the back.

"Yeah right," she said. "Like I'm sharing my bed with him."

Jack gave a mock sigh and kissed her forehead.

"Night. Try not to throw anymore drink anywhere."

"Haha."

The Doctor waved goodnight, and they went into the living room, where the Doctor had already put out the mattress and quilts.

Too tired to bother undressing, Jack slipped beneath the covers in his clothes, sighing as he made himself comfortable.

"Tired?" the Doctor asked.

Jack nodded into his pillow.

"I feel like I haven't slept properly in weeks." He frowned, thinking of his days at Foreline. "In fact, I haven't."

"Well you can sleep now. It's perfectly safe here, unless you count Jackie walking in in only her nightie. That is a bit of a sight for sore eyes," the Doctor said.

Safe. That word kept coming back. He was safe here.

"Sleep would be nice," Jack murmured, closing his eyes.

* * *

"Oh, but do you have to? I've hardly got to see you. And it's New Year's Day."

Rose sighed as she shoved her clothes back into her bag.

"Mum we have to go."

"But why," Jackie protested. "Can't you just stay a little longer?"

"No mum. Besides, if I was here, I'd just be under your feet all day. I'll be back before you know it."

Her mum groused as she helped fold a sweater.

"I worry about you sweetheart."

"Well there's no need. I have two strong men to protect me now."

"Oh yeah? And that Captain Jack. He's reliable, is he?"

Rose fixed her mother with a sharp glare, not liking the tone of her voice.

"You have no idea what Jack's been through. And yeah, he's reliable, okay?"

"Alright, keep your hair on."

Rose zipped up her bag and pulled in onto her shoulder.

"I'm fine, mum. And I'll be fine. Trust me."

"I do trust you," Jackie said, as she followed Rose out of the room. "It's them I'm not sure I trust."

"Stop it," Rose hissed, as the Doctor raised an eyebrow at them.

"All packed?" he asked pleasantly.

Rose grinned.

"Yup. Where's Jack?"

"He's already in the TARDIS."

"Well then, it looks like we're all ready."

They all went outside onto the estate, and Rose smiled to see Jack standing in the TARDIS door, looking more relaxed than he had in a while.

"Oh please wait, Rose," Jackie pleaded. "Mickey said he was going to come round, he wants to fix things between you."

Rose sighed and hugged her mum tight.

"I love you, mum."

She walked to the TARDIS door, stopping on the threshold.

"And when you see Mickey, tell him…goodbye."

"Goodbye?" her mum repeated. "That it?"

Rose smiled.

"Yeah, that's it. Just goodbye."

She closed the door, to see Jack and the Doctor wearing identical smiles.

"Right then. Where we going?"

* * *

They were hanging round in space, riding the waves of a recently imploded nebula when the first shock hit them.

The Doctor was at the console, Rose and Jack on the deck, Jack teaching Rose to ride the gentle waves that reverberated round the control room, knees bent, arms out for balance, perched on imaginary surfboards.

The first hit rocked Jack and Rose off their feet, and the Doctor grabbed onto the console for balance.

"What was that?" gasped Rose, as Jack helped her to her feet.

"Not sure," the Doctor was frowning at the screen. "Looks almost like something's attacking us. But that's not pos- oh hold up. Here comes another one."

The TARDIS rocked again, and Jack felt Rose's grip on him tighten.

"Something's attacking us?" she repeated. "What?"

"I said it _looks_ as if something's attacking us," the Doctor replied tersely. "I didn't actually say anyone was. Jack, come here a minute."

Jack quickly went to the console, bending over the screen, his head close to the Doctor's.

"What do they look like to you?"

Jack frowned, sketching the outline of one of the shapes on the screen with his finger.

"I don't know," he said slowly. "Some sort of programming bots? Whatever they are, they shouldn't be out in the time vortex."

"That's what I thought," the Doctor said grimly. "Hold on, we're going to land somewhere."

"Where?" asked Rose.

"Hmm. The Smartian System is round here somewhere. Year 3000467803." He stopped for a minute, eyes faraway. "I had a good friend there once. Wonder if she's still around. Maybe we could look her up."

Another blast shook the control room, and he snapped out of it suddenly.

"Here we go."

He spun the time dial, then yanked the landing lever, and a few moments later the TARDIS became still.

"Now then, let's see what all the fuss is about, shall we?"

They stepped out of the door into a spotlight, surrounded by darkness. The floor beneath their feet was shiny and silver.

"Um, Doctor?" Jack ventured. "I hate to say it, but this doesn't much look like the year 3000467803. Or the Smartian System."

"You're right," the Doctor replied grimly, taking a few steps towards the edge of the spotlight. "Those programming bots weren't programming bots at all. They were control bots. They must have managed to sabotage the system somehow, throw us off course."

"Sabotage the system?" Rose repeated, and Jack could see her alarm. "But that's the TARDIS. How could they sabotage the TARDIS? Don't you have, like, anti vandalism alarms or something?"

"That's precisely the problem," the Doctor said. "Nothing should be able to sabotage the TARDIS."

There was a sudden movement in the dark shadows of the space, and Jack tensed as he saw the glint of metal, all around them.

"Doctor," he murmured, low, warning.

"I see them," the Doctor murmured back.

"Relinquish your weapons," an authoritative, robot like voice called.

Jack saw the Doctor hesitate, and there was the ominous sound of little clicks going off around them like the cocking of an old Earth gun.

"I repeat, relinquish your weapons."

The Doctor glanced first at Rose, then his eyes met Jack's.

"I don't have a weapon," he said.

"Weapons detected. Please relinquish your weapons."

Jack's hand fell on the small blaster tucked into his pants. He'd never given it back to the Doctor after he'd been rescued. He placed it carefully on the floor.

"Sorry. Forgot I had this."

A small, spider like robot scurried out of the shadows, scooping the weapons into an inner compartment inside itself, then pulled back into the shadows.

"Raise your hands above your heads, high where I can see them," the voice commanded.

Jack did as he was told, trying to resist the feeling of panic that was pulling at the edges of his awareness. This situation was a little _too_ reminiscent of Foreline. And the space pirates.

A tall slender figure dressed in a metal which adhered to their form like rubber stepped into the light, revealing the curves of a woman.

"Stay very still," she said, in that hard, robotic voice.

Jack did as she said, watching the Doctor out of the corner of his eye for instruction.

The woman –presuming that's what she was- was running a body scanner over Rose.

"Human. 21st century." She moved on to the Doctor. "Very interesting. Gallifreyan. Very interesting indeed." Lastly she went to Jack. "Ah. And here we have the problem."

He tensed. Problem?

"It's this one. Clean him up. The others can leave."

Clean him up? What was that supposed to mean?

He watched warily as the low grounding of machinery reached his ears, something creeping forward into the light.

Something pointing a death ray at him.

"Now wait just a minute," the Doctor said. "You've got this all wrong." He made to move towards Jack, but that ominous clicking stopped him short.

"Please remain where you are," the woman said and her robotic voice was eerie, unsettling. "The cleaning process will only take a moment, then you are free to continue with your journey."

Jack didn't take his eyes off the death ray, creeping closer and closer.

"Uh, Doctor? When she says cleaning, I don't think she's talking about giving me a shower."

"Standby. Activate the cleanup ray."

There was a humming of energy, then an automatic countdown began. "Cleaning in ten, nine."

"Stop!" the Doctor yelled. "Stop this right now!"

He strode forward, ignoring the warning clicks that echoed round the alley.

"Activate immobilisation beam."

Jack felt a frisson of energy rush through him, and when he tried to move his arms, they were frozen above his head.

"Six, five."

"This is way past a joke," he snapped, struggling desperately against his invisible bonds.

"Four, three, two."

"Stop!" Rose screamed. "He hasn't done anything!"

"One."

The death ray let out a beam of intense red light aimed straight at Jack's heart, and Jack felt the breath knocked out of his lungs, his body spasming under the energy beam.

_So this is dying_, he thought blankly.

He was vaguely aware of Rose's screams, of the Doctor shouting, spitting such angry words. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't see properly.

_This is dying._

His body stopped its violent shaking, and it took Jack several long moments to realise the piercing red had gone, that the ray had shut down. He struggled to draw breath, feeling as if someone was sitting on his chest. There were funny spots dancing in front of his eyes.

"Jack?" a frantic voice was shouting. "Jack? Say something!"

Jack tried to talk, but his tongue felt heavy, as if it was made of lead. He didn't think he could even open his mouth.

"Cleansing process malfunction. Repeat procedure."

"NO!"

The ray hit him again, and he didn't even fight it this time. It was going to kill him, his body couldn't withstand the energy.

"Stop it! You're killing him!"

There was a burst of copper in his mouth, blood, he realised dazedly. He was exploding.

The ray stopped again, and his head hung, lolling on his chest, his arms still stuck above him by the immobilisation beam.

The woman was standing in front of him, reaching out to angle his head this way and that, peering into his eyes.

"This is not possible," she said, sounding less steely, and if Jack had even felt semi conscious he would have snapped back a retort. As it was, he just hung there, unable to even produce coherent thought, let alone words.

"He's bleeding!" he dimly heard Rose cry. "What have you done to him? Let us _go_!"

The woman stepped back.

"Deactivate immobilisation beam," she said.

Jack felt his limbs become soft and pliant, and he would have fallen if the Doctor hadn't caught him, springing towards him the moment the beam was deactivated.

The Doctor wiped his mouth gently with his sleeve, and Jack realised he must have blood dribbling down his chin. How embarrassing.

"It's okay," the Doctor said softly. "I've got you." Jack was amazed at the tenderness he heard there. The old Doctor had never spoken to him like that.

"Jack!" Rose's hands were under his head, supporting it. "What's wrong with him? Why can't he talk? He's bleeding!"

"It's okay," the Doctor said calmly. "The ray fried his brain circuits. He's having trouble with his motor functions, but they'll come back in a little while. He might be able to still hear us, I'm not sure." He leant close to Jack's face. "You probably bit your tongue, that's why you're bleeding. Can you spit? You shouldn't swallow that."

An inappropriate comment surfaced in Jack's mind, but he couldn't even talk let alone make lewd remarks. He made the effort to lean over and spit, the Doctor supporting him so he could lose the blood on the floor, and the sharp, metallic taste registered at the back of his throat. His stomach roiling, he felt the Doctor grip him a bit tighter as he emptied his breakfast onto the nice, shiny floor.

Coughing, he tried to pull himself upright, but swayed dangerously, his limbs still like jelly, and the Doctor pulled him against his chest.

"Its okay," he said again, voice soothing. "Don't try and stand yet."

Jack nodded with what little strength he had, and felt the Doctor lower him to the ground, Rose crouching beside him, helping him to sit against her.

"Now," the Doctor said, drawing himself up to his full height. Jack could see a hard light glinting in his eyes.

"Do you want to tell me what the hell this is about?"

The woman stayed very still for a long moment. Jack wished they could see her face, see if she even was a woman, but her entire head was covered in a glinting silver helmet, with a dark, narrow strip for eyesight.

"He should have been cleansed. I do not understand why the procedure did not work."

"Why are you trying to cleanse him in the first place," the Doctor asked, and Jack could hear the tightness of his voice, like he was struggling to remain in control.

"He is not supposed to be here," the woman said simply.

"Don't give me that!" the Doctor snapped. "Your cleansing process nearly killed him!"

"And it should have," the voice answered calmly. "He is not supposed to be here."

The Doctor closed his eyes suddenly.

"Oh, I see. I understand."

He opened at them, looked at Rose, on the ground.

"Rose, remember what happened when we went back to see your dad?"

"Of course," Rose replied. "How could I forget?"

"Someone was alive then that wasn't supposed to be, and those monsters, the reapers, were sent to cleanse the rift in time." He turned back to the woman. "That's your job, isn't it? To clean breaks in the time line, to stop people taking people who shouldn't be people into other dimensions."

Jack wished his head wasn't hurting quite so much. Then he may actually be able to follow this conversation

"You mean those things, those things that ate everything, they came from here?"

The Doctor shook his head.

"Not exactly. The reapers attack a planet when things have been altered. But generally it's preferred not to get that far. This is a clean up station. There are millions of these, all over the universe, cleaning up things that are alive but shouldn't be."

"Like me," Jack murmured. It seemed his motor functions had come back.

"Ah, but not like you." The Doctor had a light in his eyes. "See, the beam couldn't kill you, at least not straight away. If you weren't supposed to be here, it would have disintegrated you immediately. And you survived two gos!"

The Doctor grinned, looking extremely pleased with himself.

Rose shifted against him.

"So what does that mean? That Jack didn't die?"

"Not necessarily. Maybe he did die. If he remembers that Dalek killing him, it's entirely possible it did. But somehow, he came back to life again."

"But that's impossible," Rose argued. "Unless he's, like, Jesus or something." She pretended to give Jack a hard glare. "Are you Jesus?"

"Don't be silly, Rose." The Doctor replied. "Jesus lived two thousand years before your time. Jack's from the 51st century. That would make no sense at all." He smiled. "Nice bloke though, Jesus. Shame about the whole crucifixion thing, he didn't deserve that. Actually, this reminds me a bit of that one time we were fishing on Lake Galilee and old Peter tried to-"

"Wait, wait a minute," Rose interrupted. "You've met Jesus?"

"Said so, didn't I?"

"Then how comes you're not in the bible?" Rose asked.

The Doctor raised an eyebrow.

"Have you ever read the bible?" he asked.

"Well, no…"

"Then how do you now I'm not in it?" the Doctor asked cheerfully. "But that's a bit beside the point, isn't it? As I was saying, if that Dalek did kill Jack, there's a reason he was brought back, he's _supposed_ to be here." He swung round to look at the woman behind him. "And that's why your cleansing ray can't kill him. It's only programmed to kill things that aren't supposed to be here. Jack's supposed to be here."

He went to Jack and bent down, pulling Jack's arm over his shoulders.

"Okay?" he asked.

Jack nodded, his mouth still feeling a bit funny.

"We'll just be going then."

"Stop."

The woman held a hand up, blocking the path back to the TARDIS.

"You may not leave this station. He is not supposed to be here."

"Don't you understand?" Rose snapped angrily. "He is! The Doctor just explained it all. This is a big mistake."

"He is not supposed to be here."

"Is she thick or something?" Rose demanded.

"She's a robot," the Doctor said.

Rose stared and Jack hid a grin.

"But she looks so…womanly."

"He is not supposed to be here."

Rose sighed in annoyance.

"Well how we gunna get past her?"

The Doctor grinned.

"Easy."

He pulled his sonic screwdriver out of his pocket.

"I'll just immobilise her."

Rose looked doubtful.

"Can you do that?"

"Of course I can," he replied, setting the frequency on the screwdriver.

"No, I mean, are you _allowed_."

The Doctor shot Jack a grin, and Jack found himself smiling back, even though he felt like death warmed up.

"No. Absolutely not. Now, stand back."

"He is not supposed to be here."

"We're getting a bit sick of that," the Doctor said. He aimed the screwdriver at her forehead, and a thin beam of blue light landed between her eyes. Immediately she froze.

"Done."

"But what about them?" Rose asked, indicating nervously to the little clicking robots.

"They can't carry out commands without orders." The Doctor's arm tightened around Jack's waist. "Come on. You need sleep."

Jack nodded tiredly, his head resting against the Doctor's neck.

"Sleep. That would be nice."

They clambered back into the TARDIS, and the Doctor sat Jack against the wall, as he was too weak to move himself, and Rose wouldn't be able to carry him.

"Just give me a minute," the Doctor said. He looked at Rose. "Where do you want to go?"

Jack saw Rose shrug.

"Oh I don't know. Can't we just float around for a bit? We've had a bit too much excitement recently if you ask me."

"Agreed," Jack murmured.

The Doctor gave a mock sigh.

"I don't know. You can go anywhere in time and space and you want to 'float around for a bit'." At Rose's glare he held up both hands. "Alright, alright. Floating it is."

He pulled the flight lever, pressing the stabilising enhancers, and a moment later the soothing sound of the TARDIS engines filled the room.

"Right. Bed for you."

Jack allowed the Doctor to pull him to his feet and half carry him down to his bedroom, Rose trailing behind.

"Are you sure he's going to be alright?"

"I'm going to be fine," Jack said. "I'm just exhausted. Honestly."

The Doctor put Jack on his bed, and Rose pulled the blankets back, fussing over him as if he was her first born.

"The best thing you can get for him right now is a cup of tea." The Doctor said.

"Tea?" Rose repeated sceptically.

"Never underestimate the power of a good cup of tea," he retorted. "Go on."

Rose left, grumbling about the similarities between the Doctor and her mum. The Doctor turned back to him, the grin on his face fading as he met Jack's eyes.

"How are you really?" he asked.

Jack tried to shrug, but couldn't summon the energy.

"I feel a bit like I've been zapped twice by a death ray," he offered.

The Doctor smiled a little and came to sit by him on the bed. He surprised Jack by stroking the longer hairs out of Jack's eyes.

"You're a lot more soppy than the last Doctor," he remarked.

The Doctor's smile widened.

"I am, aren't I?"

Jack closed his eyes, the soothing movement of the Doctor's fingers in his hair lulling him to sleep.

He felt the Doctor bend down and brush a kiss across his forehead, then get up to leave.

"Don't," Jack murmured, eyes still closed. "Stay."

There was a moment's hesitation, then the Doctor's warmth returned, and Jack felt him stretch out on the bed next to him.

"Thanks," he said, his voice barely a whisper.

He felt the Doctor's smooth hand cup his face for a moment.

"Anytime," he replied softly.

Jack slept.

* * *

tbc 


	9. Part 9

_"On sleepless roads the sleepless go." -Hear You Me, Jimmy Eat World_

disc: don't own it

warnings: slash, non graphic non con

* * *

For a week they just 'floated around' and by the end of it the Doctor was quite sick of it.

True, Jack had been quite ill after the Death Ray Incident (as they had taken to calling it) and hadn't been able to keep a meal down for the first three days, but he was eating again now, and was no longer having any trouble with his speech or walking.

There had been a few frightening moments the day after when his legs just wouldn't work, but by early evening he had gotten some of the mobility back, and now was absolutely fine.

It hadn't escaped the Doctor's notice that he still wouldn't even broach the subject of the space pirates when the Doctor was anywhere near, but Rose assured him that he was dealing with it, and that he talked to her about it.

The Doctor tried very hard not to feel jealous.

It wasn't like he resented the fact that Jack had chosen Rose to confide in, it was just…his feelings for Jack were getting stronger, a lot stronger, and most of time he felt like some sort of God awful hormonal teenager around him.

The other day he had caught his palms sweating. Him! With sweaty palms! He didn't think that had ever happened to him before. Ever. Damn this new body.

Still, he couldn't deny that he quite liked the way his hearts sped up just a little when Jack sent him a slightly secretive smile, or when they were leaning over the console, their shoulders brushing together, Jack's unique sent buzzing in his head.

He'd even found himself grinning aimlessly in the mirror when he'd tried to shave the other day.

And of course Rose knew something was up. She kept sending him these knowing smiles, and raised her eyebrows whenever she saw him standing too close.

The thing was, the Doctor was pretty sure Jack felt at least a little bit the same way.

Oh, he knew that Jack always flirted, he remembered that well enough, but he'd changed since his ordeal. At first it had been the way he shied away from the Doctor, stiffening at any touches, but since New Year, and especially the Death Ray Incident, Jack had been leaning into the innocent touches. The Doctor could have sworn he was always standing closer. And that smile…

He shook his head now, sitting at the kitchen table.

He really was turning into a teenage girl. It was sickening. And incredibly soppy.

He spread some marmite on his toast, one of Britain's best inventions, and flipped aimlessly through a week old Telegraph that Rose had put in her bag at New Year.

"Morning."

He looked up with a smile as Jack walked in, ignoring the little flip flop in his stomach. This was getting ridiculous.

He stopped, though, to notice the way Jack's grey pyjama bottoms hung low on his slim hips below an old black t-shirt, his hair all messy from sleep. It was longer than when they'd left him on Satellite 5, the edges just brushing his eyes and ears. He needed a hair cut. The Doctor desperately wanted to run his hands through it.

_Stop it._

"Sleep well?" he asked, trying to keep his tone neutral.

"Like a baby," Jack replied, reaching into his cupboard for a box of red cereal with pieces of marshmallow in it.

They'd made a pit stop at early nineties Earth before Satellite 5, just so Jack could get some. Lucky Charms it was called.

Jack frowned as he peered into the box.

"Rose has been eating my cereal again."

The Doctor laughed.

"You'll have to take it up with her."

Jack poured the cereal into a bowl, frowning.

"Oh I will, believe me. Any coffee?"

"Yeah, if you make it."

The Doctor was more of a tea man himself.

Jack made a face, but unscrewed the cap on the silver espresso maker, spooning the required coffee grains into it, adding water and milk before turning it on.

He plopped himself down at the table next to the Doctor, digging his spoon into his cereal.

The Doctor stared determinedly at the paper.

"I need to talk to you about something. Two things actually."

Jack was sorting his marshmallows into colour coded piles.

"Sure, go ahead."

"Um, okay." He hesitated. How to say it? "When I was looking for you, in the Foreline institution, it wasn't by chance that I found out the space pirates had taken you."

Jack chewed slowly, a slight frown between his eyes.

"What do you mean?"

"Someone told me they had taken you."

Jack stared at him, his spoon stopped in mid air.

"Who?"

"A Dr Cartwright."

Jack went very still, and the Doctor could see his throat moving as he swallowed several times in quick succession.

"And, ah, what did he say?"

"Just that you were alive and had been looking for me. He wasn't very coherent."

Jack nodded slowly, putting his spoon back in his bowl.

"I thought he was dead," he said softly. "When they took me, I saw him. He looked dead."

"He nearly was. He'd been shot in the chest. It was a miracle that he managed to survive as long as he did."

"Yeah, a miracle," Jack said, a trace of bitterness in his voice.

"Do you want to talk about it?" the Doctor asked.

In the following silence, the espresso machine whistled, and Jack stood to make coffee with slightly shaking hands. The Doctor watched as he added too much sugar and frothy milk.

"Yeah," he said finally, when he sat back down at the table, Lucky Charms pushed aside.

"Dominic was my doctor. And he was in love with me, and I thought I was in love with him."

The Doctor tried to ignore the little twist of jealousy he felt.

Jack shook his head, as if he was trying to order his thoughts.

"You have no idea what it was like," he said. "I would wake up screaming, with no idea who I was. When they told me what I'd supposedly done, I'd go so mad they would have to sedate me. And then the whole process would start all over again." He took a long sip of coffee. The Doctor waited patiently.

"When I finally remembered my name, Dominic had already decided I was innocent. He said he was going to help me get my memories back, that if I had had some kind of memory modification it would be getting all the signals mixed up. Or something."

"The two years taken from you by the Time Agency," the Doctor said.

Jack nodded in confirmation.

"He said he could do a sort of reversal operation to help me regain my memory, that he would do it the next day, but then he came back in the middle of the night and said we had to do it then. He told me later it was because the Time Agency had learnt where I was and were going to come for me."

He sighed, rubbing a hand over his face.

"It was horrible," he admitted quietly. "One minute I thought that I was feeling something for this guy that I'd never felt for anyone before, and the next I knew exactly who I was, and what sort of person I was. The sort of person who uses other people for my own satisfaction. For my own pleasure."

"That's not true," the Doctor said quietly. He didn't want to believe it was true, not now.

"Isn't it?" Jack asked. "When I first met you, what could you say about me other than I was an enormous flirt? That's all I was doing with Dominic, flirting. Being shallow and empty. And then there was Veronica."

The Doctor frowned.

"Veronica?" he repeated.

"Veronica Baudelaire. She had been sent by the Time Agency, and spun me this big story about us being passionate lovers, that the reason I couldn't remember her was that my memory of her had been erased. She wanted us to run off into the sunset together, and the second we were away from Foreline she was going to hand me over to the Time Agency. And let me tell you, they would be a little too happy to see me, if you know what I mean."

"So then what happened?" the Doctor asked.

"The space pirates happened," Jack replied. "But not before Veronica Baudelaire managed to tell me exactly why I have lost two years of my memories."

"She told you?" the Doctor asked, surprised.

Jack nodded.

"Apparently I was part of an undercover operation infiltrating a child prostitute ring using time gaps to kidnap the children. I was working for about twenty months before I was discovered. They're not really sure what was done to me, but when they found me, two months later, I could barely talk I'd been tortured so much, and they had removed all my memories to do with the case. The Time Agency took the remaining memories of my torture, and when I woke up the next morning with two years of my life missing, I took off. They've been looking for me ever since."

The Doctor stared at him.

"I'm so sorry," he said.

"For what?" Jack asked.

"For everything you've had to go through," the Doctor replied.

Jack looked at him for a moment, then nodded.

"Yeah well, it's over now. I'm here, safe." He played with his spoon, still resting in the soggy cereal. "Thanks," he said. "For, you know, listening. I mean, I have Rose to talk to, but it was nice to talk to you. Different."

"You can talk to me about anything," the Doctor said, tying to make his voice sound open and inviting. "Anything at all."

Jack smiled.

"Thanks," he said again. He took a sip of his coffee, wincing as it hit his bitten tongue. "But there was something else you wanted to talk to me about?"

"Ah. Yes." How to even broach this topic? "I, uh, have a sort of plan."

Jack raised an eyebrow.

"A plan? Tell me."

"I don't think you're going to like it," the Doctor warned. "It involves going back to Satellite 5."

Jack stared at him.

"Excuse me? I think I must have misheard you, because it sounded like you said Satellite 5 just then. And you can't mean that, because that was the same Satellite 5 I _died_ on last time, and what else? Oh yeah, you left me there!"

The Doctor winced slightly. He knew Jack was still upset about that, no matter what he said.

"Just hear me out," the Doctor protested. "We have to go back, because otherwise we'll never know what happened there. We need to find out how and why you're still alive. You're obviously supposed to be here, that was tested by our robotic friends and their trigger happy death ray, but what I want to know is _why_."

"I just am!" Jack snapped, looking upset and a little agitated. "Why can't we just leave it at that? I'm here, and it's all great!"

"Because we have to know the truth," the Doctor snapped back. Why didn't Jack understand how important this is?

"Why?" Jack asked loudly. "Fucking why?"

"Because if I don't know why it happened how am I supposed to stop it being reversed?" he yelled.

There was sudden silence in the kitchen, and the Doctor avoided Jack's eyes.

"You think it's going to reverse?" Jack asked finally.

"No," the Doctor said immediately. "I mean, maybe, I don't know." He sighed. "I just…I just have this _feeling_."

"A feeling," Jack repeated, and when the Doctor chanced a look at him, he was trying not to laugh.

"It isn't funny," the Doctor snapped. "I had a feeling like this before we found you again. This…_niggling_ in the back of my mind."

"And you think this feeling means I'm going to drop dead or something."

"_No_. Why are you twisting my words?"

Jack held up his hands defensively.

"I'm not twisting anything."

The Doctor sighed. He was beginning to wish he'd kept his mouth shut.

"Look, all I'm saying is that I would very much like to know why you are miraculously still alive. It couldn't hurt, could it?"

Jack looked like he was mulling the whole thing over.

"So basically what you're saying is you're scared that-"

"I'm not scared," interrupted the Doctor.

"You didn't let me finish."

"I didn't need to. Because whatever you're going to say will be wrong."

"So you're not even a tiny bit scared you might have to go on without me again?" Jack asked.

The Doctor wasn't sure what hit him harder; that Jack had got it exactly right, or that for the first time Jack had said 'have to go on without me' not 'left me behind'.

"Alright. Maybe I'm a little bit scared."

Jack gave him a smug smile.

"I knew it."

He then surprised the Doctor by leaning over and dropping a brief, unexpected kiss on his lips, before walking towards the kitchen door.

The Doctor gaped.

"What was that for? Not that I'm complaining or anything."

Jack sent him a little smile over his shoulder.

"Just to keep you guessing, Doctor."

The Doctor sat back in his chair, unable to stop the smile that spread across his face.

Jack was flirting again.

And the best part? Jack was flirting with him.

* * *

The Doctor had to find some very precise co-ordinates to get them back to Satellite 5 at the right time and in the right place.

They couldn't land anywhere near where the TARDIS was parked already, which meant they had to go lower, and that posed the risk of using the lifts.

The Doctor had explained to them about twenty times the risk of seeing themselves or touching themselves, and Jack was getting a bit sick of hearing it. He _knew_ that to touch another of himself would create a paradox. What time traveller didn't?

Finally the Doctor finished his lengthy lecture, and they were able to step out onto Satellite 5. Again.

It gave Jack more than the creeps being back here, being back where he _died_, and it didn't escape his notice that Rose was sticking unusually close, and the Doctor kept sending him almost unnoticeable glances. He didn't mind too much though.

"Right," the Doctor was saying. "The Daleks are going to invade in a couple of hours. We need to get to the top floor, where we can see what's going on with Jack, but at the same time keep an eye on me and you, Rose." He frowned. "But how we going to get there? At the moment the Controller is still in full use, and Floor 500 will be teaming with staff."

"Distraction?" suggested Rose.

The Doctor shook his head.

"They can't see any of us, or they would have recognised us the first time we met them."

"They wouldn't recognise you," Jack pointed out. "You look completely different to last time you were here."

The Doctor grinned.

"Good one. Now why didn't I think of that? You'd think I would be the one to realise I was different, considering I am actually the one who is different. It makes much more-"

"Doctor," interrupted Rose hastily. "The plan?"

"Ah yes, sorry. The Plan. Right. Um, I create a distraction whilst you and Jack find somewhere to hide. Somewhere with good viewing. Oh, and it has to be somewhere the Daleks can't find you. Otherwise they'll kill you."

"Right," Jack murmured. "Piece of cake."

"You'll be fine," the Doctor said confidently, but Jack wasn't so sure. He had a churning, sick feeling in his stomach. How ironic if he was brought back from the dead, only to be killed again the second time round?

The Doctor was staring at him, he realised suddenly, and fought an unnatural blush at the intensity of that gaze. What was wrong with him? Blushing? A little too schoolgirl for his tastes.

The Doctor stood suddenly and sent him a small wink.

"Good luck," he murmured, then strode out of their hiding spot by the lifts.

"Hello," he called out. "I've escaped from the games, just thought you should know."

There was a long moment of silence, then several voices talking at once.

"Who are you?"

"What game were you in?"

"What's your identity number?"

Jack heard the Doctor shout "Catch me if you can!" and a moment later he raced past them, several staff on his heels.

They waited a moment, then slipped out of their hiding place towards the main section of Floor 500, which was deserted, save for the controller who took no notice of them.

"Come on," Jack murmured, and they moved systematically across the floor, looking for a suitable spot.

"This is impossible," Rose said, sounding discouraged. She was standing by the gaming consoles, hands on her hips. "We can't possibly see both areas at once, there's a bloody corner."

Jack nodded in agreement.

"So we choose," Rose continued. "Stay here or go into the corridor?"

"I don't know," Jack muttered. He couldn't shake the feeling that something was about to go drastically wrong. He was feeling suspiciously sick, and he hated feeling sick.

Rose was looking at him in concern.

"Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," he said, a little too quickly.

Rose opened her mouth to respond, but a shrieking siren suddenly split the air around them.

"Damn," she said. "Quick, under here."

She grabbed Jack's arm and pulled him under one of the consoles, hidden from view by the slight overhang. He felt her squeeze his hand.

Legs appeared, a harried voice saying "Clear the floor. He's on his way up here. With a gun!"

There was confused shouting, then Jack heard the doors slide open and a new voice saying "Okay, move away from the desk. Nobody try anything clever. Everybody clear, stand to the sides, and stay there."

Jack felt shock racing through him. That was him, that was his voice. Those were his shoes and his legs. And behind him…

"It's him." Rose whispered beside him, so soft he could barely hear her. But he knew what she meant. It was the Doctor. The other Doctor, the old Doctor. "It's really him."

"You're not allowed in there, Archive 6 is out of bounds," a woman shouted.

"Do I look like an out of bounds kind of guy?" Jack heard himself say.

"This is so creepy," Jack murmured. He felt Rose wince and stifle a gasp as the Controller was zapped away. She squeezed his hand a little tighter.

"Where's the Doctor?" she whispered "I mean, the other Doctor, our Doctor."

Jack bit his lip.

"I don't know," he murmured. "But he's safe."

"How do you know?"

Jack didn't reply. He didn't know.

* * *

The Doctor was leaning against the doors of the main control room, experiencing the very odd sensation of listening to and seeing a him that no longer existed.

He couldn't see Jack and Rose, just hoped they were safely hidden. The niggling at the back of his head had become a fully fledged itch, and he didn't like it.

They shouldn't have come back here. Jack was right. They should have run away and never looked back.

He heard the TARDIS engines, and knew that he and Jack had gone to board the Dalek ship, to rescue Rose.

He hesitated, then stepped out into the control room.

The staff turned to him as one, with wide, frightened eyes.

"It's him again," Davitch Pavale said. "The one who escaped from the games."

"I didn't escape from the games," the Doctor said. "And I can't explain what's going on here, but it's all connected. Jack, Rose."

There was a long pause, then Jack and Rose slowly climbed out from under one of the consoles. He felt a wave of relief, seeing them both there, safe.

"Wait!" the woman cried. "I just saw you leave, and you…" She was pointing at them, eyes wide.

"We can't explain," the Doctor repeated, walking to Jack and Rose, grasping their arms reassuringly, for himself as much as them. "We have to hide in here, and you can't mention our presence to the other Jack and Rose. Or the Doctor," he added.

"But I don't understand," the woman said. "Who _are_ you?"

"We're them," the Doctor replied. "From the future. But if we meet our past selves we'll create a paradox which could undo time and space. Basically, it would be very, very bad."

"You're from the future? Then you know how this ends?"

The Doctor felt his hearts clench at the question. Poor, sweet Lynda with a Y who hadn't wanted to leave him and lost her life as a result. He could still remember her scream as the Daleks took her. He would be hearing it again in too short a time.

"I can't tell you what the future is."

"But do we live?" she asked. "Do we defeat the Daleks?"

The Doctor nodded slowly.

"You defeat the Daleks," he said softly. He couldn't answer her first question.

"There's an incoming ship on the scanner," Davitch Pavale reported.

"That's you," the Doctor said to Jack and Rose. He didn't feel like explaining the whole regeneration thing to everyone else right then. "We have to find a safe spot."

"What about by the doors?" Jack asked. "They were open when-" He broke off, unable to say it, but the Doctor nodded.

"Good. Great."

He cast his eyes over the few occupants of the room again. They were all going to die. Here. Tonight.

"Let's go."

"Wait!" Lynda cried. "You can't just leave us!"

"The Doctor will be back any moment. He's going to save the planet. You just have to trust him." Even as he spoke, the words tasted like bile. He was sending these people to their deaths. Again.

He grabbed Jack's hand, pulling him toward the doors and pushing him into a tall alcove. "Rose."

She followed Jack into the alcove, and the Doctor took one last look at the people left behind.

"Not a word," he said, then slipped into the alcove behind them.

It was a tight fit, and the Doctor was hyper aware of Jack pressed against him, tense and nervous.

The sound of the TARDIS engines was close, suddenly, and they could see it materialising, barely a metre away. The Doctor got that funny feeling in his stomach again, as he watched himself, Rose and Jack all climb out of the TARDIS. The old him ran straight to the energy banks and began manically pulling wires out the banks, shouting about a delta wave.

He wanted to laugh.

A delta wave. He should have known it would never work. He should have known. He should have taken Jack, Rose and the other remaining people and run.

"We should have run," he whispered.

He felt Jack squeeze his hand.

"No we shouldn't," he said.

They watched as Jack said goodbye to both of them and as the Doctor and Rose built the delta wave, as the Doctor sent Rose back into the TARDIS.

He stood with his face a blank mask as it faded, Rose's shouts to be let out clearly heard from inside.

"I hated you," Rose said softly. "For a moment I really hated you."

"I know."

He reached for her hand too, and the three of them stood perfectly still, holding hands, barely breathing.

"It's soon," Jack said.

The Daleks began to invade.

They were living the nightmare again, but this time there was nothing they could do. They couldn't help. They couldn't fight. They had to stay and listen to everyone else dying.

They heard the people on the first floor dying, followed by Lynda's heartbreaking screams as they shattered her window.

"Last man standing! For God's sake, Doctor, finish that thing and kill them!" Jack yelled from beyond the doors.

The Doctor gripped his hand tighter.

_We shouldn't have come back. We shouldn't have come back._

"Doctor! You've got twenty seconds maximum!"

And then Jack's bullets ran out.

"_Exterminate."_

Those awful words.

"I kind of figured that," Jack snapped.

There was the sharp, metallic sound of the Dalek's death ray. And then the hand holding the Doctor's slackened, Jack's body slumping against him.

"Jack!" Rose gasped.

The Doctor caught him, staring down at the lifeless body in his arms.

"No," he said. "No, this isn't supposed to happen. You're not supposed to die!"

"Doctor, do something!"

He held Jack's body tighter, willing him desperately to wake up.

"Come on, Jack. You can't give up. Not now."

Jack eyes were closed. His heart wasn't beating.

"But he lived," Rose was protesting, her voice thick with tears. "He lived. He can't be dead now. Not again. Please."

They were barely even standing in the alcove anymore, but the other Doctor had his back to them, his attention focussed on the screen, and the Doctor had lost any sense of caution.

What did a paradox matter if he'd managed to kill the man he loved twice?

"Jack, come on. Come on!"

The TARDIS materialised beside them, but the other Doctor's eyes didn't even register them. It was almost like he couldn't see them.

The doors burst open with a shock of golden light, and Rose was framed in the doorway, her eyes alight with the power of the universe.

"My God," the Rose beside him murmured.

"I am the Bad Wolf," Rose said. "I create myself. I take the words. I scatter them, in time and space. A message to lead myself here."

The Doctor could hear her, could hear the voices of himself, of the Dalek God, but could only feel Jack, still and lifeless in his arms.

"You are tiny. I can see the whole of time and space, every single atom of your existence and I divide them." The Daleks began to dissolve into golden light. "Everything must come to dust. All things. Everything dies."

They just disappeared. Right before Rose and the Doctor's eyes, the Daleks disappeared again, obliterated from time and existence again.

"Rose you've done it," the Doctor said. "Now stop, just let go!"

"How can I let go of this?" Rose asked, her eyes glistening with golden tears. "I bring life."

The Doctor felt a sudden rushing in his ears, his hearts, running through his body.

In his arms, Jack gasped.

The Doctor tightened his grip on the suddenly thrashing body, Rose's words loud and echoing in his head.

"_I bring life."_

"Jack."

He held Jack as close as he could, crushing their bodies together, feeling the triple beats of their hearts.

"This is wrong!" the Doctor was shouting. "You can't control life and death!"

"But I can," Rose said. "The sun and the moon. The day and night."

"Doctor," Jack gasped.

"I've got you," the Doctor murmured. "I've got you, I promise."

Jack reached desperately for him, bringing their mouths together, kissing him deeply, and the Doctor wiped the tears from his cheeks, holding him so, so close.

The other Doctor was kissing Rose, the golden light streaming from her eyes to his, and then he was swinging her into his arms, disappearing into the TARDIS, the doors slamming closed behind them.

The Doctor heard Rose take a shuddering breath beside them, and he reached for her too, pulling them all into a messy heap of limbs and tears.

"You did it," the Doctor said into her hair. "It was all you."

The TARDIS engines hummed around them, and they watched it disappear.

"It's over," the Doctor said.

The door beside them burst open, and Jack propelled through it, staring anguished at the spot the TARDIS had just been. His eyes flicked briefly at them, still piled in a heap on the floor, then away, then back to them again.

"Rose!" he cried, taking a half step towards her, then he saw himself, still entwined in the Doctor's arms, and stopped. "Oh God. I've lost it."

The three of them quickly stood up, untangling themselves.

"You're not going mad," Rose said quickly. "I'm from the future. But it's still me." She gestured at their Jack. "And you."

"And him?" Jack asked, eyeing the Doctor, who was still holding Jack's hand, suspiciously.

"I'm the Doctor."

Jack was shaking his head.

"No you're not. The Doctor doesn't look like that!"

"He does now," Rose said quietly.

"No, that's not right. And let got of my hand!"

The Doctor immediately let go of his Jack's hand. This was not good. This wasn't supposed to happen.

"Jack, please," said Rose. "The Doctor regenerated. He had to, or he would have died."

Jack seemed to be processing this.

"You left me," he said slowly. "But you're all still together. So you must come back?" He glanced toward the spot the TARDIS had been, as if expecting it to come back right then.

"Yes," the Doctor said carefully. "But not right away."

"Then what happens?"

"You know I can't tell you that."

"I don't remember this," his Jack said suddenly. It was the first time he'd spoken to the other Jack. "I don't remember any of this. This isn't right."

The Doctor frowned at him.

"What do you mean?"

Jack glanced warily at the other Jack then leant closer to the Doctor.

"When I lost my memory, Dominic told me that it wasn't accidental. That someone had fixed it like that, that someone had wiped my memory so I wouldn't remember what happened on this satellite."

The Doctor stared at him, the sickness in his stomach back. He didn't want to hear this.

"I don't understand."

Jack stared at him calmly.

"Yes you do. It was you. You erased my memory. You must have. There's no other way."

The Doctor shook his head.

"No."

"Yes! That's the way it has to be. It's already happened. You can't undo it."

"I won't do it to you again! Not after we know what's going to happen."

"And if you don't you risk destroying everyone and everything! You know you can't do that."

The Doctor shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut. He could not do this. It wasn't fair to make him do this.

"You said you'd rather die than let the space pirates take you."

"Everything's different now." Jack reached out a hand, touching the Doctor's cheek gently. "It's all different."

The Doctor covered Jack's hand with his own, holding it tightly.

"I'm so sorry."

"I know."

"Jack," Rose said softly. "You can't let him. You can't let them-"

"I have to Rose," Jack interrupted, moving away from the Doctor and towards her. "Besides, it's already happened. It's not like I can erase it from me. And I'm still here, aren't I?"

Rose nodded, her eyes glistening with tears, and Jack held her close.

The Doctor turned towards the other Jack, who was watching them, warily.

"What are you going to do to me?" he asked.

"I have to erase your memory," the Doctor said. "That was how you were found. I'm sorry."

Jack's eyes flickered from the Doctor to Jack and Rose, then back again.

"But you come back for me, right? You come back."

The Doctor nodded.

"I come back," he promised.

Jack paused for a long moment, and they could see the decision struggling behind his eyes.

"Then do it," he said finally. "Never doubted you. Never have, never will."

He closed his eyes, and the Doctor pulled his sonic screwdriver out of his pocket, programming the right setting.

He stepped close, being careful not to touch him, and leant forward to murmur softly into his ear, so the others couldn't hear.

"I love you. Hold on to that."

Jack's eyes opened, and for a moment they just stared at each other, then the Doctor pressed the button and Jack's body shook, once, before dropping to the floor, still.

There was a long moment of silence as they all stared at him, then the Doctor turned abruptly.

"We have to go."

Rose shook her head.

"We can't just leave him here."

"We have to," the Doctor said grimly. "They'll find him in a few hours. This has already happened. We can't change it now."  
He reached for Jack, pulling him close for a brief second, reassuring himself that he was still there.

"Feeling okay?" he asked.

"A little fuzzy," Jack admitted.

"Yeah well, two of you died today. That's to be expected."

Rose stepped towards them, and they enveloped her in a hug, all three of them clinging to each other.

"Come on," the Doctor said. "Let's go."

Limp, tired and tangled together, they went to find the TARDIS.

* * *

tbc 


	10. Part 10

_"On sleepless roads the sleepless go." -Hear You Me, Jimmy Eat World_

disc: don't own it

warnings: slash, non graphic non con

* * *

Jack didn't sleep that night.

He lay in his bed, staring up at the ceiling, the Doctor curled against his side, breathing light but even. Rose was on his other side, her head resting on his chest, her breath warm against his t-shirt.

They were all different now.

In the last few months they had been through so much, but this night had shifted things between them. Rose had been even more touchy feely as they stumbled to Jack's room, exhausted, clinging to them, as if to reassure herself they were all still there. The Doctor had barely taken his eyes off Jack since they stepped back into the TARDIS, right until the moment he'd fallen asleep. Jack himself was barely holding it together. Part of him wanted to sit in a corner and cry, but more of him knew he couldn't break down like that, because if he did he would never mend again. And he had come too far.

Sometimes those hours of captivity seemed like years away, instead of the scant month or two it had been.

And sometimes they felt like seconds ago, and Jack could still feel their hands on him, still feel the bruises they'd left behind as they forced him onto his knees and-

No. He had to stop reliving it. How could ever get past it if he kept playing it over and over in his mind?

But a month -or was it two?- was hardly any time, really. Not enough time for Jack to feel normal again. Not enough time to stem the automatic flinch that still occurred when the Doctor touched him, no matter how much he welcomed the touch.

And he did welcome the touch. It both terrified and delighted him, because he knew that it was about more than screwing, and that was something he'd never fully experienced before.

Was he in love with the Doctor?

Jack had never been in love. He'd spent most of his life in lust, usually with several people at once, but love? He'd thought, of course, that he'd loved Dominic, before he regained his memory. He could see now the difference between that feeling and this one. With Dominic it had been about desire, almost detached, but with the Doctor…

With the Doctor he was constantly aware of the other man's presence every moment, whether they were standing next to each other or at opposite ends of the TARDIS. He felt that almost sickening little lift every time the Doctor smiled at him, or spoke with that amazing tenderness that was completely alien to Jack, from the Doctor or anyone else.

People had known what Jack was good for, and it wasn't to whisper sweet nothings to. But the Doctor looked at him like he was the most amazing thing in existence, when he thought Jack didn't notice, and that was something new. Something new and desperate and exciting and terrifying.

Was that love?

The Doctor opened his eyes suddenly, and Jack had the suspicion that he hadn't really been sleeping, along with a sudden flash of fear that the Doctor could read minds and knew exactly what he was thinking. Which was ridiculous.

"You're awake," he murmured.

The Doctor nodded, smiling sleepily, without moving.

"So are you," he said, voice hushed.

"Can't sleep," Jack offered.

"Feeling okay?" the Doctor asked.

Jack nodded, and the Doctor trailed a gentle, soothing hand up his arm.

"Is this okay?" he asked, and Jack remembered him asking the same thing that night on Rose's mum's living room floor. That night he'd held him, and Jack had tried to pretend there were no such things as space pirates.

"Yeah, it's okay."

He suddenly, desperately wanted to tell the Doctor everything. He wanted to tell him why he'd shut them out, what had happened to him in the Whitehouse. He wanted the Doctor to know, because he knew, instinctively, that the Doctor wouldn't pity him. He'd hold him, and Jack really, really wanted that right now.

"There's something I have to tell you," he whispered.

"What is it?" the Doctor whispered back.

Jack hesitated, unsure where to begin, and in that moment Rose shifted beside him, moaning softly in her sleep.

The moment passed, and Jack forced himself to smile.

"Just thanks," he said. "For, uh, everything."

"Anytime," the Doctor replied, and Jack could see the slightly puzzled look in his eyes.

"Night," Jack said, and he closed his eyes, lay still and pretended to be asleep.

* * *

Rose woke to find herself wrapped around Jack the next morning, and it took her a few moments to remember the events of the previous night, and why they were all sleeping n Jack's bed.

Carefully, she propped herself up on one elbow, looking past Jack to the Doctor, who was pressed up against Jack, his face half buried in Jack's armpit.

She half smiled, looking at them, and then bit her lip.

What was going to happen now?

She'd seen the way they'd kissed each other, last night, after Jack had become un-dead. What did that mean for the three of them, for her?

She didn't want to be the odd one out, the third wheel. But she didn't want to go home either. She belonged here.

Quietly, she slipped out of the bed, noting as she did that she was still wearing her jeans and t-shirt from yesterday, and went down the TARDIS corridor, to the kitchen. She put water on for tea and started up the coffee maker, then set about making some eggs on toast for the three of them.

It wasn't like she was jealous, not really, it was just…well, it had always been her and the Doctor, hadn't it? Before Jack had shown up, it had always been just the two of them, they'd been connected.

It wasn't just because Jack had died. It was the regeneration. It was the Doctor who had changed. Rose still felt the same way she always had. It was the Doctor's feelings that had done a one eighty. And Jack…Rose wasn't sure what it was that Jack was feeling now. He'd always flirted, with both of them, but he'd never tried to kiss her like that. And would the Doctor just be another conquest for him, or was it something different, something deeper?

"Morning."

She was jolted from her thoughts as Jack himself wandered through the door, looking dishevelled and sleepy,

"Morning. I've put the coffee on."

"You angel."

He sauntered over to give her a quick kiss on the cheek, and despite herself, Rose couldn't help smiling.

"Is he still asleep?" she asked, nodding back down towards Jack's bedroom.

Jack yawned and nodded.

"Yeah, I guess so. Though who knows if he's ever really asleep, you know?"

Rose nodded distractedly, and busied herself with making a cup of tea.

"So are you two, you know, now?"

Jack was silent for a long moment.

"I don't know," he said finally.

The coffee machine started whistling, and Jack reached for his Simpsons mug on the mug tree.

"How would you feel about it?" he asked eventually.

"Oh I think it's great," said Rose immediately.

"Yeah right." Jack steered her into a seat at the table. "Rose."

She looked away from his frank gaze.

"It'll just be weird, that's all."

He waited, and she fiddled with the handle on her own mug.

"I just…I loved him, you know?"

"Yeah," Jack said softly. "I do."

"Do you?" she asked, suddenly feeling deadly serious. "Do you love him?"

She could see the brief struggle in Jack's eyes: tell her the truth and risk hurting her, lie to her and risk hurting her even more.

"Yes," he said finally. "I think so. I-" He broke off, looking unsure of himself. "I've never…well, you know me. It was always some kind of joke, a thrill, wasn't it? Now it's just…different. Is that love?"

Rose sighed and shrugged despondently.

"I don't know anymore."

"I think it is," Jack continued, more, it seemed, to himself than to her. "I think it must be. I can't imagine feeling this way if it wasn't."

"Feeling what way?" Rose asked, her voice barely more than a whisper. Why couldn't she just leave it alone?

"Alive," Jack murmured. "Even after everything that's happened. I feel alive."

There was the sound of someone clearing their throat behind them, and it didn't escape Rose's notice that Jack jumped slightly at the sound. She didn't think he was doing as well as he pretended.

The Doctor had a bit of a twinkle on his eye, and she wondered how much of their conversation he'd heard. Jack seemed to be thinking the same thing, as he carefully avoided the Doctor's eyes as the Doctor sauntered into the kitchen and over to the kettle.

"Good morning," he said cheerfully.

"Morning," Jack muttered, studying his coffee.

"Sleep well?" Rose asked, and the Doctor nodded as he poured himself some tea.

"Like a baby. You?"

Rose smiled distractedly and watched as he went over to Jack, running a gently hand over one shoulder.

"How are you feeling?"

Jack looked up, and it was like he couldn't stop his smile as he met those warm, brown eyes. Rose tried to ignore the slight curl of jealousy in her stomach.

"I'm good," Jack replied. "Better. Hey, I'm not dead, so it's an improvement on yesterday."

The Doctor smiled, but not before Rose saw a brief, haunted flicker in his eyes.

She guessed Jack saw it too, from the contrite expression that followed.

"Sorry, bad joke."

The Doctor shrugged one shoulder.

"Hey, you either laugh or cry."

His fingers lingered on the back of Jack's neck a moment longer, then he drew his hand away, casting his eyes at the eggs Rose had been in the middle of making.

"We're having a break from the Lucky Charms, then?"

Rose forced herself to nod and smile, getting up from her chair and returning to her task of breakfast.

Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed the Doctor sitting close to Jack, giving him a sort of secret smile. He was acting like a little girl with a crush, and she felt a sharp irritation flare up inside her.

"Can you put each other down until we've at least eaten please?" she snapped, and then felt guilty when the Doctor immediately dropped his hand, and Jack shifted away from him.

"Sorry," she said. "Sorry." She abandoned the eggs again, coming to sit back down at the table. "I'm just having a hard time adjusting, that's all."

There was a moment of silence, in which Rose avoided both their eyes, and then Jack stood up.

"I'm going to grab a shower. Save me some eggs."

Rose listened as his footsteps echoed away from the kitchen, almost afraid to look up and face the Doctor.

"Rose," he said eventually. "It's okay, you know."

"No it's not," she snapped, unable to help herself. "Because I thought that…well, that you and me…you were _mine_, Doctor!" she burst out, before she could stop herself.

His expression hardened slightly.

"I'm not anyone's. I'm not a possession." he said, a touch of iciness to his tone.

"I know," she sighed, the outburst passing as soon as it had come. "I know."

They sat in silence for a moment.

"You love him, don't you?"

He hesitated before answering.

"It's been a long time since I bothered with anything like love," he admitted slowly. "This whole thing, Satellite 5, the space pirates, all of it, has made me see Jack differently. It's partly me, my regeneration, but I'm also seeing things in him, learning things about him that I never bothered to look for before. I took him at face value, for a con man and a flirt and a happy go lucky sort of guy. But he's _not_ Rose, he's not at all. And I think one of the things that terrifies him most is that he thinks we'll see him for who he truly is and decide we like the other version better."

She bit her lip, trying to digest the Doctor's words.

"He said something to me before, when we were talking about you. He said 'is that love?', like he didn't know."

"Maybe he doesn't."

She looked at him.

"He does now."

He waited until she'd smiled before letting the grin creep across his face, and she knew she couldn't resent them. She also knew that they would give up any idea of happiness if she only asked them to, they would forget the whole thing.

She wouldn't be that person. Not to them.

"Be happy," she advised softly before standing up and walking to the door. "I think it's your turn to cook breakfast," she called, throwing him a cheeky grin over her shoulder.

She wouldn't be that person, no matter how long it took her to get used to them. She couldn't.

* * *

They continued in the same vein over the next week or so; Rose smiling and pretending she was fine with everything, Jack staring constantly at the Doctor and then immediately turning away if he thought anyone was looking, and the Doctor using every excuse to innocently touch Jack, or smile at him, or laugh with him.

It was weird, he realised, as they sat in a pod boat on one of the flooded moons of Hytagon. Jack was the flirty one. Jack couldn't get enough of physical contact. Now he was acting like a virgin on his wedding night, and the Doctor was the one trying to make the advances, something he was more than a little rusty at.

The little, almost circular, boat drifted past a rickety waterfall, built from billions of years of erosion, and the Doctor tilted the rudder, telepathically directing the boat around the edge of the fall.

"Let's get out, shall we? There are some caves under that waterfall."

"I thought this was a flooded moon," Rose groused, as she tried to climb out, the Doctor steadying the boat for her.

"It is. But it wasn't always covered in water. There's land under all this." He glanced down into the clear water, so deep it was almost black. "Somewhere."

"Makes me want to pee,' Jack said with a grin, and the Doctor watched as he ventured along the rocky incline before turning to Rose.

"Do you think he's acting a bit weird?"

"What?" she asked shouting over the noise of the waterfall.

The doctor raised his voice. "I said, do you think Jack's acting a bit strange?"

"Stranger than what?" she asked, frowning in the dim light.

The Doctor shrugged, feeling uncharacteristically awkward.

"I just mean, this whole thing, between, well, us. He's just been a bit odd, that's all."

"Do you really think this is the best place to talk about your love life?" Rose shouted, and Jack turned back to them, from the rim of the caves.

"Come on you guys," he yelled, and the Doctor sighed and nodded as they went to join them. Rose was right. Maybe later.

They spent a while exploring the caves, Rose particularly fascinated by the light paintings they found, deep inside the rock, lighting the small chamber like air pockets with dancing, shimmering colours.

"This moon is the centre of the whole Hytagon system," the Doctor said in a hushed tone, tracing the drawings with his eyes. "A giant ice crystal, called Keytpo, which is rumoured to keep the moons in orbit, is guarded here. Part of why it's such a tourist hotspot."

"I thought the sun kept things in orbit," Rose said with a frown.

The Doctor shrugged.

"Sun, ice crystal. Not much difference really."

Jack laughed.

"So this ice crystal, it's the centre if their world?"

"Literally. It's fused into an ancient chamber deep in the Ice Mountains. There's an ancient legend that says if the crystal in bathed in the blood of an innocent at the exact turning of midnight, then its power will be destroyed, and the planet and moons will tumble through the never ending eternity of space."

Rose stared at him, wide eyed.

"Is that true?"

"Well, you know how it is with these things. People make up stuff just so it'll sound impressive. You said it yourself, ice crystals don't hold up planets. It's just a myth."

As they stopped to admire one particularly vibrant painting, the Doctor felt Jack's hand brush accidentally against his, and automatically curled his fingers through Jack's, who jumped momentarily, before smiling a sweet, sort of shy smile that made the Doctor's stomach do flip flops, while his brain wondered exactly when Jack had started smiling like an introverted schoolgirl.

When Rose saw them, holding hands and grinning at each other like idiots, she only rolled her eyes.

"If I have to watch you two any longer, I'm going to throw up," she threatened, but she was smiling.

They all clambered back through the caves and into the little boat, and the Doctor let Jack take control of the steering. He guided the pod gently through the still waters with a familiar ease, and the Doctor raised an eyebrow.

"You've been here before," he accused.

"Always found this was a good place to take dates," Jack admitted with a smile. "The waters, moonlight, atmosphere." The smile faded suddenly, a shadow crossing his eyes, and the Doctor tensed automatically.

"What is it?"

"Nothing," Jack said, though he was clearly lying. He forced another smile, a brittle echo of the one on his lips only moments before.

The Doctor watched as Rose reached out and gave Jack's hand a little squeeze, trying to ignore the churning jealousy in his stomach. Jack told Rose things he wouldn't share with him, and this was clearly one of them. Maybe Jack had been dumped here or something. Maybe he'd had his heart broken. That thought wasn't exactly any better. He didn't really want to think about Jack's past lovers. For a start, it would take him the better part of a month.

"Maybe we should go home," Rose suggested.

"Oh but we've hardly seen anything yet," the Doctor protested, "There's the statue of Hoolagalaki. And the Ice Mountains. Not actually made of ice, of course. And what about the famous-"

"Doctor," Rose interrupted quietly, jerking her head very slightly at Jack, whose eyes had gone all far away, and seemed to be steering the boat on autopilot.

"Jack?" she asked gently. "Do you want to go back to the TARDIS?"

It seemed to take Jack a great effort to force himself to smile.

"No way. We have to go visit Hoologalaki. She's supposed to bring you good luck. It always worked for me, anyway."

The Doctor shot Rose a triumphant look.

"See Rose. Jack appreciates Hoologalaki."

Rose rolled her eyes.

"Yeah yeah. Come on then, lead the way to this Hoolalarky, or whatever."

"Hoologalaki," the Doctor corrected automatically, and she glared at him.

"Hoo low gah la key," she enunciated, slowly and clearly.

"She's got it," Jack said, swinging the arm that wasn't steering the boat around her shoulders.

"It's as easy as Raxacoricophalapatorius," she grinned and the Doctor laughed whilst Jack let out a whoop.

"All hail the queen of the local lingo," Jack joked, and the Doctor shook his head with a smile.

They spent the rest of the day paying homage to Hoologalaki (Jack insisted they all perform this strange, supposedly luck-bringing dance, which the Doctor suspected was just designed to make them look stupid) and then they toured the snow-white Ice Mountains and the stunningly beautiful crystal Keytpo, and finally went on an exploration of some underwater lakes, which particularly fascinated Rose.

"But how can they be lakes?" she was still saying, an hour later, as they clambered back into the TARDIS. "They were underwater. It's just not possible."

The Doctor smiled.

"That's the miracle of nature," he replied brightly. "Phenomenon and all that. Fascinating really."

"Well yeah, it is. But I still don't see how-" She cut herself off with a jaw cracking yawn, and then grinned sheepishly. "I think I'd better go to bed."

"Don't you want anything to eat?" the Doctor asked, surprised. Rose could usually eat enough to feed an army.

She shook her head.

"Nah. Those fruit thingies filled me up. Night. See you in the morning."

The Doctor watched her go, then turned back to Jack, feeling suddenly, stupidly, nervous.

"Are you hungry?"

Jack shook his head too.

"Just tired. Let's go to bed."

The Doctor wasn't exactly sure how to respond to this, seemingly offhand, comment. It was true he and Jack had been sleeping together over the last week, but that was more out of necessity than due to their new relationship.

Jack had been having horrific nightmares, the kind that woke himself, and everyone else, up with screaming, and the Doctor had found the only way to calm him down was just to hold him, thought not too tightly. And it wasn't just him, Rose would sometimes come and sleep with them too, like that first night, after they'd found out what really happened on Satellite 5.

"I should put the TARDIS in flight," he said, trying to stall for some time.

"Leave her," Jack said with a shrug. "We can stay here tonight. No harm in that."

The Doctor found himself nodding in agreement, even though he would have rather they were airborne. Something about sleeping on a strange planet (or moon) just got to him. He could never really rest unless he knew they were out in the void somewhere.

"Come on," Jack said softly, and the Doctor was powerless to resist, following him obediently down the corridors to his bedroom, allowing Jack to undress him, not even minding that Jack left his suit in a little pile on the floor, because those were Jack's hands and those were Jack's lips, and this was what he'd been thinking about, for weeks now.

Jack pressed him back onto the bed, and the Doctor slid his hands up the smooth skin of Jack's back, enjoying the silken feel over taut muscles as Jack kissed him hungrily, pressing his hips down into the Doctor's, moaning softly into the Doctor's mouth.

This felt so good, so right, and the Doctor found himself wondering why they hadn't done this weeks ago, why they'd been dancing around each other instead of just diving into what he knew they both wanted.

He buried his hands in Jack's too-long hair, relishing the feel of it beneath his finger tips, then trailing one hand down his neck and across his back, bracing himself as he flipped them both over, Jack's body hot and hard beneath him, writhing as the Doctor pressed him further into the mattress.

It took the Doctor longer than it should have to realise that he was no longer writhing in pleasure.

"Stop," Jack gasped desperately, hands that had only moments ago been gripping his shoulders in pleasure now pushing hard at him, trying to push him away.

"Stop, get off!"

As he realised what was happening, he immediately shifted his weight, rolling away to let Jack sit up, gasping as if someone had tried to strangle him.

"What is it?" he asked, reaching a hand out to Jack's shoulder, but Jack jerked suddenly away from him, as if burned by him.

"Don't touch me," he said, and the Doctor found himself flashing back to the day they'd found him, bruised and broken, the way he'd flinched from the Doctor's touch then, too.

"Jack," he said softly, folding his hands into his lap, feeling awkward and unsure of himself. "It's okay. It's just me."

"No." Jack was shaking his head, eyes squeezed shut. "No. I can't. I'm sorry, I just…_can't_."

The Doctor tried to reach for him again, but Jack flinched violently, then stood up, backing against the door, putting as much space between him and the Doctor as possible.

"Don't," he said, and he sounded so tortured, as if every piece of him were hurting. "Please, just don't."

He yanked open the door, and the Doctor heard him go down the corridor, a second later the sound of his own bedroom door slamming shut.

He let out a breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding, and wondered what the hell had just happened.

Had they moved too fast? Oh please, this was Jack. Too fast wasn't fast enough. And he'd bloody started it! So what hell had gone wrong?

He sighed, got up and dressed, then went towards the kitchen, with the vague notion of making Jack some tea and trying to talk to him, and found Rose sitting at the table, eating ice cream from the tub.

"I thought you'd gone to bed."

"Decided I was hungry after all," she replied round a mouthful of ice cream. "You alright? You look like someone just told you your favourite sea monkey died or something."

The Doctor sat down at the table with her, stealing her spoon and a mouthful of ice cream, ignoring her protests.

"Something really odd just happened," he said finally.

"What, odder than the usual? That must be odd."

He shot her an annoyed glance. Couldn't she tell he was trying to have a serious conversation?

"Jack just went completely bonkers on me. For no reason."

She frowned, putting her spoon down.

"How d'you mean?"

"Well we were, well, _you_ _know_, and he was suddenly shouting at me to stop and pushing me away. He was the one who started it!"

Rose was staring at him as if he'd grown another head.

"Give him time, Doctor."

The Doctor scoffed.

"He's had time. It's been weeks. You think he'd be prepared by now."

Not only was Rose staring at him like he'd grown another head, but now that look was distinctly tinged with a harsh anger.

"You're unbelievable, you know that? I mean, weeks? For God's sake! It's not something you just get over like that, you know." She snapped her fingers as she spoke, and now it was the Doctor's turn to stare like _she'd_ grown another head. What was she talking about?  
"You think you'd show a little compassion, considering the way you feel about him. You're just like any other man, all you can think about is sex!"

She was well into her tirade now. He couldn't have stopped her if he'd tried. It was times like this that she reminded him scarily of her mum.

"He was _raped_, Doctor. You think you could give him a little bloody bit of time."

The Doctor felt as if someone had doused him in very cold water.

"What did you say?"

"I said you'd think you could afford to give him a bit of time," she snapped, then stopped, something in his expression causing her to frown. "What?"

"Not that bit." His voice sounded eerily quiet, calm. "The bit before."

"What? He was rape-"

She broke off as realisation hit her.

"Oh God. Oh God, you didn't know. He hasn't told you. Oh God."

His legs felt strange, as if they wouldn't support him if he tried to stand. Which was ridiculous, because he was the Doctor, and things didn't hit him like this. They didn't make him feel like his world was suddenly turning the wrong way round, they just _didn't_.

"He said he was going to tell you, when he was ready," Rose was saying, her eyes bright with guilty tears. "I just assumed, since you two are…God, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

"It's not true," he denied. "Tell me it's not true. Tell me!"

He was shaking her, holding her arms in a vice like grip, and she was crying in earnest now, shaking her head.

"I can't," she whispered. "I wish I could, but I can't."

He let go of her, lost, dazed, unable to process this.

"When…who…?"

"The space pirates," Rose choked. "That's what they did to him."

"And he told you?"

"I guessed. His injuries, that first night…he told me on New Years."

New Years. The night they'd first kissed. The night the Doctor had thought everything was finally going to be okay. He'd been so happy, in such a good mood he'd told Rose and Jack to let him do the clearing up. He'd told them to go off and chat, and they'd gone to Rose's room and…He'd told her. He'd told her and not him.

Before he knew what he was really doing, he was marching through the corridors, Rose at his heels, begging him tearfully to just leave it, as he stormed to Jack's room, banging loudly on the locked door.

"Jack, let me in!"

"Not now, Doctor," Jack's tired voice came from the other side, and this only infuriated the Doctor more, banging harder.

"Let me in!" he shouted. "You didn't tell me! You didn't tell me and you let me go on thinking everything was fine!"

"Doctor, please, just leave it!" Rose grabbed his arm, but he shook her off, ignoring her pleas.

"You told her, but you couldn't tell me? I would have gone back and killed every last fucking one of them. You should have told me!"

He banged again on the door in frustration, but there was no answer from within.

"You let me erase your memory knowing what would happen. I could have stopped it!"

"Doctor," Rose begged desperately. "Please."

The Doctor looked at her, and he felt a hatred so strong it scared at him. Jack had told _her_.

"Don't talk to me," he said, then strode past her, towards the control room, barely aware of her trailing behind him.

"Where are you going?" she asked, but he didn't answer, slamming the door open and then closed again behind him, marching out into the warm, moonlight night.

He couldn't be there right now.

He just couldn't.

* * *

Rose stared after him, feeling as if her heart was shattering into a million, tiny pieces, the sharp sound of the TARDIS door closing still ringing in her ears.

Half blinded by tears she turned and stumbled back along familiar corridors, back to Jack's room, knocking helplessly on the still locked door.

"I'm sorry," she sobbed. "Jack, I'm so sorry. I thought he knew. I thought he knew."

She slumped to the floor, crying, gasping sorries out between sobs, but there was still nothing from the other side of the door, and eventually she curled up, right there on the floor, exhausting herself into a restless sleep.

This was where Jack found her, three hours later, when he eventually opened the door. He shook her awake, and she stared up at him, eyes swollen from tears.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, voice hoarse. "I'm so sorry."

"It's okay," he said softly.

And although she knew it wasn't, she let him pick her and take her into his room, holding her as he slid onto the bed beside her.

"I thought he knew," she said, when they were curled up together. "I swear to you Jack, I thought he knew."

"I know. It's not your fault. I should have told him."

She bit her lip, the silence in the room thick and heavy.

"I thought he would be different," Jack said eventually. "I thought…" His voice trailed uncertainly.

"He is different," Rose tried to assure him. "He just didn't know how to take it, how to react, so he got angry. It isn't anything to do with you."

"You heard what he said. 'You told her not me.' I should have just told him."

"Jack." She pulled him a little closer, trying desperately to convey some sort of comfort. "He has no idea what you went through, neither of us do. He can't tell you how you should have handled it. That's not fair."

"None of it's fair," he whispered. "Not a God damn thing."

"I know."

He buried his face in her hair, and she pretended not to feel him shaking with silent sobs.

Why had everything fallen apart now, just when it was all starting to go right?

* * *

tbc 


	11. Part 11

_"On sleepless roads the sleepless go." -Hear You Me, Jimmy Eat World_

disc: don't own it

warnings: slash, non graphic non con

* * *

The Doctor had ended up at Hytagon's one and only drinking establishment, quite by accident of course. After he had stormed from the TARDIS, he had spent thirty minutes walking around in a rage and muttering to himself, before eventually walking the short distance to what could pass as a town in the Hytagon world, the only area of the moon that was permanently inhabited.

He had stumbled into the little tavern, rather reminiscent of something found on seventeenth century Earth, and ordered some of whatever everyone else was drinking. The Hytogaron behind the bar had given him a knowing smile before plonking a twisty glass of silver liquid down in front of him.

"Drink up sunshine," she'd advised with a smile. "You look like you need it."

That had been five twisty glasses ago, and the Doctor was beginning to feel the effects.

"That's the thing that really hurt," he explained to the bar maid, Elyse, for the third time. "That he didn't tell me."

"If it's something as awful as you say it is, he probably wanted to spare you from it," she said, lounging on the bar on her elbows in front of him.

"But I could've helped him," the Doctor insisted, ignoring the slight slur to his voice as he pushed his glass towards her again. She eyed him doubtfully for a moment, then re filled it.

"Tell me the truth, what bothers you more: that he didn't tell you, or that he told this Rose?"

The Doctor sighed and dropped his head onto the bar.

"I'm jealous."

Elyse nodded.

"I'd say so."

"I was just so _angry_." He punctuated the word by tapping his glass down on the bar –spilling half of his drink in the process. "It was supposed to be about us, you know? He was supposed to fall in love with _me_, not her, _me_. And now I don't know what to do."

"Listen." Elyse politely re filled his glass again as she spoke. "He hasn't been sticking his tongue down her throat, has he? He hasn't been sleeping, however platonically, with her. If he wanted her, from what you've told me, he would have her already. You need to stop being an idiot."

"I am an idiot," he nodded in drunken agreement. "A big, stupid idiot."

Elyse smiled sympathetically.

"Honey, I'm afraid that's what being in love does to you."

The Doctor blinked blearily at her. Being in love. He hadn't been able to bring himself to say it out loud yet, but it had been at the front of his mind for some time. Love and Jack, mixed up in the same sentence. Jack love.

He was reaching for his drink again, when his hand shook uncontrollably, sloshing yet more silver liquid onto the bar. Was he really that inebriated? He was putting the glass down again, when he realised it wasn't just his hand shaking, the whole bar was, his chair, the floor. The bar's occupants were staring at each other in confusion. Moons didn't have tectonic shifts. It wasn't physically possible. The room shook again, a glass painting falling off one of the walls and shattering.

Elyse stared at him, her eyes wide.

"What's going on?"

The Doctor shook his head in bewilderment.

He didn't know, but whatever it was wasn't supposed to be happening. And that usually only happened when he was around…  
Clarity cut through the alcoholic haze fogging his mind, and he raced out of the bar, towards the TARDIS, even as another bone jarring shake rocked the ground beneath him.

The glowing light of the TARDIS cut through the night, and he quickened his pace, both hearts thumping when he saw the doors open, a figure sprawled, still, on the ground close by.

"Jack!"

There was no reaction at his shout, and as he got nearer, the Doctor could see the deep cut slashing across Jack's forehead, blood leaking in a steady stream down his face.

He knelt on the ground by him, carefully supporting his head as he tried to wake him.

"Jack, it's me. Can you hear me?"

Jack stirred, blinking his eyes open, wincing as he came into awareness.

"Doctor," he said. "They took Rose."

The Doctor felt frozen with panic for a long moment. Rose. They'd taken Rose, whoever they were, and the Doctor didn't care that much right then. They'd taken Rose, and if anything happened to her it would be on his conscience for the rest of his long life. She was just a teenager, still so innocent, and he'd promised to protect her.

Wait a minute. Innocent.

"I think I know where she'll be. Go back inside the TARDIS and stay there. You know how to fly her. If the moon collapses…"

He didn't finish the thought.

Jack struggled to his feet, and the Doctor opened his mouth, trying desperately to think of something to say to Jack before they parted.

Because if he couldn't get the moon stabilised he might never see Jack again, and he didn't want it to end like this, not like this.

"Jack-"

"She needs you," Jack interrupted, and the Doctor couldn't miss the hard glint in his eye. He didn't want to hear anything the Doctor had to say.

The Doctor nodded, once, then turned and ran as fast as he could.

Towards the Ice Mountains.

* * *

They were yellow.

That was what Jack couldn't seem to get past, as he stared at the aliens who were holding Rose captive, slowly leaking her blood from a vicious looking cut on one arm onto Keytpo.

He knew what they were of course, a kind of pygmy who were only intent on causing trouble and trying to dominate small systems, but he'd never actually _seen_ one before, and they were a bright, amazing yellow.

Unfortunately, their vibrant colour didn't make up for their squashed noses, bat like ears and wrinkly skin. But you couldn't have it all.

Jack's head was throbbing where they'd caught it with one of their axes, when they'd kidnapped Rose, but Jack was damned if he was going to sit around waiting to escape to safety while the one person in the universe who seemed to understand him was in mortal peril. Screw the Doctor. He had followed him to the mountains, and the Doctor had glanced back, once, to see him, but hadn't stopped him. He probably realised that Jack would just ignore him anyway.

The pygmies were communicating in shrill, high pitched whistles that morphed into words inside Jack's head. Silly, nonsense words. They were like children, just wanting to cause mischief. Did they even realise that people's _lives_ were in danger?

"Let her go."

Ignoring the Doctor's frantic eyes, he strode forward, into the cave.

The pygmies all turned to look at him as one, then broke in raucous giggles.

"Let her go!" they chattered. "Let her go?!"

A few raise raised their weapons in mock threat, a mismatched bunch of axes, blasters, daggers, even what looked like an Earth gun. Pygmies were like magpies, scavengers, stealing whatever they could get their hands on.

"Let her go! Yes, let her go after moon goes tipsies!"

This, followed by more manic giggles.

Jack stepped closer, and one scampered towards him, the Earth gun clasped tight in its pudgy yellow hand.

"No closer!" it squeaked. "Closer and bang bang bang!"

The creatures erupted into giggles again, and Jack felt the last shred of his patience and ever waning sanity dissolve.

"Go on then!" he yelled. "Shoot me!"

He walked determinedly towards the creature until the barrel of the gun was pressed against one cheek, the cold metal digging into his soft skin.

"Because believe me, you've picked the wrong day to cause trouble within ten feet of me. So what are you waiting for? Shoot me! Just fucking kill me!"

He reached up and wrapped one hand around the gun, digging it more harshly into his cheek, relishing the biting pain.

"What the fuck are you hanging around for?"

The pygmy holding the gun was staring at him with wide, red eyes, confused, but Jack was too far gone to notice.

"Kill me! Just fucking kill me!"

"Jack."

The Doctor's quiet voice cut through the aching haze that had wrapped around his brain since last night, and he drew in a ragged breath, clinging to the barrel of the gun as if it was the only thing keeping him upright.

"That's enough."

He shook his head silently, because it wasn't enough. He couldn't live anymore. Not when everything was so sharp and painful.

He didn't resist, though, when he felt the Doctor's hands on his shoulders, pulling him back, away from the gun, steadying him.

"You've had your fun," the Doctor said quietly to the pygmies. "Now go."

The pygmies glanced uncertainly at one another, then one by one began to slope towards the cave entrance, their weapons drooping sadly on the floor behind them.

At the end of the day they were just children. Children intent on causing as much mischief as possible, but not with any real malice.

The Doctor didn't look at Jack as he went to Rose, checking her arm and asking quietly if she was okay, before turning and leading the way out if the mountains.

Rose squeezed Jack's hand before following the Doctor, and Jack stood very still for a moment, left alone with only the soft glowing of the great ice crystal.

He forced himself to follow Rose and the Doctor, back to the TARDIS, and they all stood inside the control room for a moment, Rose glancing awkwardly between them as the Doctor stared determinedly at the console, his mouth tight and Jack bit his lip.

"I'm going to go and clean my arm," she said. "And have a shower. I'll see you in the morning."

Jack nodded, but the Doctor gave no sign that he had heard, or was listening.

Rose left, and the silence was almost unbearable.

"Doctor," Jack tried eventually, but the Doctor cut him off, turning to face him, eyes blazing.

"Don't," he snapped. "Don't stand there and makes excuses. I _heard_ you, Jack. You asked him to shoot you, to _kill_ you."

At the words, Jack felt his own temper flare.

"And why do you think that was, Doctor?"

"You should have told me!"

"It isn't about you!" Jack yelled. "It's about me, about what happened to _me_, so don't tell me who I should or shouldn't have told."

The Doctor was silent, but Jack was too filled with righteous anger to notice.

"How dare you stand there and yell at me. You have no fucking idea what I have been through, what they fucking did to me." He half choked on a sob, but forced himself to go on. "Every time I close me eyes I'm back in that room. Every time I go to sleep I relive it. I can't get away from it up here." He stabbed at his temple with his index finger. "I can't get away."

He was so tired. He was so tired and so sick of it running through and through his head. He just wanted it to stop.

"I just want it gone," he murmured, all the fight in him lost. "I just want them gone."

He closed his eyes and felt the Doctor's arms wrap around him, holding him close, and he let his head drop onto the Doctor's shoulder, too tired to resist, too tired to be angry.

"I'm sorry," the Doctor said, lips pressed against his hair. "I'm so sorry."

He let the Doctor lead him to his bedroom, undress him, place him under the covers and crawl in beside him, holding him as if he thought Jack might shatter at his touch.

"I'm okay," Jack murmured, without opening his eyes.

He felt the Doctor's arms around him tighten.

"I know," he said.

The lies they were telling seemed thick and heavy in the room, pressing in on them as they slept.

* * *

Jack wasn't sure how long he slept, but he woke panicked, screaming, pushing desperately against the Doctor's arms, flailing out until his hand came into contact with the Doctor's face, and the grip on him relaxed in surprise.

He rolled away, trying to catch his breath, aware that he was perfectly safe but unable to completely forget the terror which had been coursing through him only moments ago, still feeling the rough hands pinning him down.

Taking a few more deep breaths he turned back to the Doctor, wincing as he saw the red mark he'd made at the edge of the Doctor's mouth.

"Sorry."

The Doctor shook his head.

"It's fine. Are you okay?"

Jack nodded, running a shaking hand over his face.

"I'm fine."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

He shook his head, lying back down, and felt the Doctor settle beside him a moment later, a tentative hand tracing along his arm.

Despite the content of his nightmare, Jack was grateful for the physical contact and rolled onto one side, so he was facing the Doctor.

"You can talk to me about it," the Doctor said softly. "If you need to, or want to."

Jack didn't reply, eyes tracing the Doctor's features, cast in shadows and darkness.

"My reaction," the Doctor continued. "Before. I'm sorry. I just…I was so angry. Not at you," he added hastily. "At them. And I just…I just couldn't seem to…"

Jack pressed a finger against his lips, silencing him.

"It's okay. I understand."

And in some strange way he _did_ understand. It may have been Jack who'd gone through the actual experience, but to have to stand there and listen to it having happened to someone you cared about, to stand there and know you could have stopped it, prevented it…

Yes, Jack thought he could probably understand.

The Doctor reached for him, wrapping his arms around Jack's body, burying his face against his neck.

"I love you," he said, voice slightly muffled. "I love you so much."

Jack squeezed his eyes shut.

"When they came in, Veronica Baudelaire had a gun against my forehead," His voice was steady. "They crashed through one of the glass walls and shot her. One of them tried to do it then, was ripping my clothes off, when another said there wasn't much time, that they had to take me somewhere. They carried me out into the corridor, and that's when I saw Dominic. He'd been shot, killed. I started screaming, I think, so they knocked me unconscious and when I woke up I was in the room. I remember opening my eyes and staring up at the ceiling…"

And so, in the dark, the Doctor's face pressed against his neck and the words of love still in his ears, Jack Harkness told his story.

* * *

Fin. 


End file.
